My doctor’s office has two front desk staff: another person and me. My coworker was taking appointment calls, and I got to hear this fun conversation this afternoon.

Coworker: *Answers phone.* “[Clinic], how can I help you?”

Patient: “I wanted to get an appointment with [Provider]. What’s the earliest you have?”

Coworker: “She has something available in December on [date]. Have you seen us before?”

Patient: “I have. My name is [garbled name].”

Coworker: “Um … you said Dingleberry? Okay, what’s your date of birth?”

Patient: “January 1st, 1970. Wait, what did you say my last name is?”

Coworker: “Dingleberry, right?”

Patient: “No … my last name is Carson.”

Coworker: “Oh! I apologize, I don’t know where I got Dingleberry from.”

Patient: *Snickers heavily.* “That’s fine. I’ll take that appointment.”

Coworker: *After hanging up.* “That’s funny, how did I get Dingleberry and Carson mixed up? *Sees me staring at her.* “What even is a Dingleberry anyway?”

And that is how my coworker found out she’d unintentionally called a patient a rude word!

I had a persistent case of ‘there are no sinuses anymore, just snot’ and suddenly fever and whole-body aches got added on to my list of symptoms, so I decided it was time to put on my big girl boots and make a doctor’s appointment.

Lucky me, I got a next-day appointment and masked up to go sit in the waiting room. Since all visits in my GP’s office are by appointment, the waiting room was blessedly empty … until HE came in.

Fellow Patient: “Why are you wearing that?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Fellow Patient: “That mask? That’s stupid and doesn’t work anyway, and makes you extra sick because you breathe in your own bacteria, and COVID isn’t even real!”

Me: *Ignoring most of the nonsense.* “Well. I’m currently sick, and I’d rather not catch another virus while in a doctor’s office. You know, the place where most of the people present are sick? So even if I didn’t care about making anyone else, including the doctor, sick, and was being selfish, then it’s still in my best interest to wear a mask here.”

Fellow Patient: “But they don’t even do anything!”

Me: “Would you be happy for me to cough in your face?”

Fellow Patient: “No! That’s disgusting!”

Me: “Then don’t bother me and my mask. Thanks.”

He continued to grumble at me, but I tuned him out for the five minutes it took the doctor to come get me. The doctor was very happy I was wearing a mask because a quick test later showed I had the strange non-existent disease called COVID and would have to stay home for a couple of days to not infect the rest of my office.

I can understand people looking strangely at someone wearing a mask in public these days (though more people should be; stop coughing on things in the store, even if you don’t have COVID, I don’t need your cold either), but in a doctor’s office? That’s the most logical place to protect yourself and others with a little cover.

I’m a nurse at a busy clinic in Vietnam. Patients often ask us about their prescriptions, symptoms, or next appointments, but this one took the cake:

Patient: *Walking up to the nurses’ station, holding his phone.* “Excuse me, nurse, my Wi-Fi doesn’t work.”

Me: “Oh… the hospital Wi-Fi?”

Patient: “No, my home Wi-Fi. Can you fix it?”

Me: “I’m… not sure I can do that from here.”

Patient: “But you fixed my blood pressure last time!”

Me: “True, but your router doesn’t have arteries.”

Patient: “So what do you suggest?”

Me: “Try turning it off and back on; that works for patients and electronics.”

He actually thanked me and said:

Patient: “You nurses really can do everything!”

If only fixing Wi-Fi came with a nursing degree!

This happened to one of my clients around fifteen years ago.

They were a drug rehab therapy office. Once a week, they had to submit insurance claims. To do so, they were required to have a Static IP Address – that is, an IP address that always remains the same. Non-static IP addresses – which are what most people and businesses use – change occasionally. I don’t remember why the static IP was needed, but that’s the way it was then.

One day, the sales department of their internet service provider called to see if the office wanted to upgrade their plan. The office manager said no and didn’t think any more of it… until their provider turned off their internet the next day.

They tried to resolve it themselves but didn’t have any luck, so a couple of days later, the office called us. I bopped on down the street and got their customer service department on the phone. This is a reasonable facsimile of the conversation:

Me: “So, you guys turned off the internet for no reason.”

ISP Agent: “We can get that turned back on again.”

Me: “Great. And remember that they need to have a static IP.”

ISP Agent: “We should be able to have that set up in a few days.”

Me: “A few DAYS? They haven’t submitted insurance claims for over a week. They’re losing money BECAUSE OF YOU. They need this working NOW.”

ISP Agent: “It’s going to be a few days…”

Me: “Okay – I’ll call you back.”

So I called the other local ISP.

Me: “So I do tech support for a clinic here, and [ISP] turned off their internet and static IP last week. Can you switch them over to you guys and set up a new static IP?”

Other ISP Agent: “Sure, we can have a technician come out tomorrow.”

Me: “Great. Just give me a moment to let the office manager know.”

I tell the office manager. The price is around the same as they were paying the other company, and she’s thrilled [Other ISP] will be out to take care of it quickly.

The next day, the [Other ISP] guy comes out, sets up the new modem, and static IP. Everything is right as rain.

I call the old ISP to cancel the service.

ISP Agent: “So I see here you had a service request to get a new static IP?”

Me: “Yes, how’s that looking?”

ISP Agent: “They should be able to do that Monday.” *Four days from now.*

Me: “That won’t be necessary. We called [Other ISP] yesterday, and they came out to set everything up today. So, we’re cancelling the [ISP] internet.”

ISP Agent: “But… but… we have some good packages for business clients…”

Me: “I explained to you guys yesterday that time was of the essence, AND that it was your company’s fault the internet and static IP were turned off in the first place. You chose not to do right by us, so we found someone who could do what was needed.”

They needed to talk to the office manager to confirm, but that was the end of them using that ISP for many years.

When I’m hired at a therapy clinic, it all seems pretty standard at first, until we move to a new site.

The new place doesn’t have an in-house washer or dryer. Fair enough. But instead of hiring a laundry service, our director decides to save money by making us do it.

Director: “You’ll just take the dirty linen home, wash it, and bring it back. Everyone will take turns.”

The linen includes towels, pillowcases, and anything used for icing, heating, and exercises.

Most of my coworkers just quietly accept it as part of the job.

Me: “Wait… we’re not getting paid for this?”

Director: “Well, no, it’s just one of those things you all help with.”

Not for me. That is very clearly a work task.

The day my “turn” comes, I take the linen home, dump it into my washer… and clock in on my phone before starting. Then I go about washing, drying, folding, and stacking every last item. Only after everything is done do I clock out.

A week later, my manager sends me a text.

Manager: “Hey, can you explain the extra time you logged this weekend?”

Me: “Yeah, that was me washing, drying, and folding the clinic’s linen. On the clock.”

There’s a long pause before she replies with a simple: 

Manager: “Oh.”

Not long after that, a contractor is hired to pick up and deliver fresh linen weekly. 

Turns out, once the laundry started costing them actual wages, it suddenly became worth outsourcing.