(I am the only one working the ticket counter on a very slow weekday evening at a movie theater. I get a phone call from an elderly woman who does not know how to use the Internet, and needs me to look up tomorrow’s show times and read them to her over the phone. I’ve switched my monitor to read her tomorrow’s movies and times when a woman storms into our lobby and comes directly up to me.)

Customer: “Get off the phone!”

Me: *to the guest on the phone* “I… Er, excuse me one moment, ma’am—”

Customer: “I said, off the phone! One ticket for [Movie], next showing.”

Elderly Woman: “Wait. I just need to know one more thing: will your show times be the same on Thursday?”

Me: “Our movie times change daily. I’m sorry, ma’am, I need to put you on hold for—”

Customer: “I am a guild member! Get off the phone and serve the customer in front of you!”

(She reaches over the counter and presses the button on the phone to hang it up.)

Me: *somewhat flustered, as I’ve never had a customer this rude before* “You said [Movie]? The next showing? Where would you like to sit?”

Customer: “Ugh, I hate this new assigned seating. I will be complaining to your bosses about this.”

(She jabs the screen selecting a seat, at least.)

Me: *staying polite and as pleasant as possible* “You said you were a guild member; could I see your card for the discount, please?”

Customer: *literally throws the card in my face with a flick of her wrist, so it smacks into my cheek* “Hurry up. The movie will start soon. My ticket will be free, too. Run the card. I don’t pay for movies; I’m a member.”

(I retrieve the card from the counter, and run the card so she can get her discount. The ticket and receipt print out, and I offer them both to her.)

Me: “Your ticket, ma’am.”

Customer: “It’s about time!”

(She snatches both from my hand, and storms off. It’s not until moments later I realize my register is still set for tickets for the next day, because of the phone call I was taking. She will end up having to sit in the theater for an hour before the movie starts, IF she manages to find the correct theatre, which she must do because she doesn’t come back out again during my shift. I do enjoy the little bit of unintentional Karma, though. I also realize moments later that I have forgotten to give her her guild card back. I flag down my manager and tell him what happened.)

Me: “So, that woman who came in earlier threw this at my face, and I was so shocked I forgot to give it back to her.”

Manager: “What? She threw it at you? Actually?”

Me: “Yeah. Bounced off my face and everything.”

Manager: “Well. We’ll just put this in the lost in found for her, then.” *dumps the card into the nearest trash can* “After all, we definitely want to keep her as a customer.” *rolls his eyes angrily*

(I get a call from an employee about a child who is causing some issues, and has been wandering unsupervised for a half hour. The kid is about two or three years old, no parent around. The child has taken makeup samples and is smearing them on the floor and on himself, “finger painting,” and making a huge mess. Besides this, the kid seems dirty and his clothes are torn.)

Me: “Hey there. What’s your name? Where is your mommy?”

(The kid doesn’t answer. One employee talks to the kid and get his name out, but when asked where his parents are, the child shakes his head and starts crying loudly. Security for the store comes down, and we take the kid behind the counter where it’s quieter and give him a promotional plush toy to calm him down. Security starts making an announcement.)

Security: “One of our smallest shoppers seems to have lost his adults. Please report to any cashier if you need help.”

(No one responds, and mall security shows up and says the police are on their way. It’s now been over an hour since my initial call, and because of all of the circumstances, we are worried the child was abandoned at the mall. Store security takes the child to their office. I get a call that police have arrived with a CPS officer, and I go down to meet them and take them to the office. Halfway down to the door, a well-dressed woman stops me.)

Woman: “Hey, where did you take [Son]? I’m ready to go now.”

Me: “I… What? We’ve been paging you for a while.”

Woman: “Oh, I thought those were for someone else. I knew where he was. I left him to play by the makeup while I bought a purse. I saw he even got a free stuffed animal! But it’s time to go now. Where did you put him?”

Me: “Ma’am, wait right here. There’s some people you have to talk to.”

(The police and CPS found her story to be as weird as I did, and I spent the next month receiving angry phone calls from her and threats of lawsuits because CPS investigated her.)

(I work in an American art museum that is known for its stained glass pieces from a renowned artist. When people arrive, we suggest they start out in the video room so they can watch the introductory films. A middle-aged woman enters and pays for one admission into the museum.)

Visitor: “Where are the mummies?”

Me: *caught off guard by this* “We don’t have any mummies here; we are an art museum.”

(I motion towards the adjacent gallery and the large painting across from the desk.)

Visitor: *skeptical* “No, I know you have them here; I saw it on TV.”

Me: “Perhaps you are looking for the science center?”

(I check to see if she would like her ticket refunded, in case she would like to head over to the science center, instead, but she wants to stay.)

Me: “In the room behind you, you can watch our introduction videos to learn more about the collection.”

Visitor: *hesitates for a moment, then her eyes widen and she leans in closer to me, and in a sudden hushed and anxious voice* “Are they [the movies] scary?!”

Me: “Uh? No…”

This story is part of our “Not Getting Art” Roundup!

Read the next “Not Getting Art” story!

Read the “Not Getting Art” roundup!

(I’m working at an aquarium. Today I’m in charge of doing a feeding show with the penguins. As little kids in the audience go, “Eww,” or, “Aww!” a full-grown lady walks up.)

Lady: “AAAH!” *covers children’s eyes, and then turns to me, through the tank* “How can you let kids watch this?! Dead animals being given to these cute creatures! Disgusting!”

(She stalks off, and I continue the show. Just a week later, I get a notification from management telling me I have to show up in court for this lady who’s suing us.)

Lady: *in court* “They were corrupting our children, letting them see these dead animals being fed to the animals they thought were these cute, fluffy creatures!”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, the penguins need the fish to survive. The children aren’t ‘corrupted’ by it because they eat fish, beef, and chicken themselves! Are you expecting us to have to feed them at ten pm when we close and they’re about to go to sleep?”

(This went in a circle for a while, but she ended up losing!)

(A customer starts banging violently on the counter.)

Customer: “Hey! Where’s my pizza? I’d like to get home and eat before tomorrow morning, you know!”

Me: “Sir, it’s Saturday night. I told you we were busy when you came in to order and that it’d be around thirty minutes.”

Customer: “So?”

(I nod to the clock on the wall beside him.)

Me: “So, it’s only been about ten minutes since you came in to order.”

(The customer glances at the clock, then at me again.)

Customer: “Oh, give me a break. Do I look like I can tell time?”

(He looked, at least, to be in his mid-30s.)