They’re Being Poor Examples Of Mammals

, , , | Friendly | July 12, 2017

(I’m looking at an exhibit with a dolphin. A mother with a stroller and a 4-year-old boy as well as a group of rowdy teenagers are nearby.)

Mom: “Look, sweetie, see the big fishy!”

Teens: *jeering* “It’s a MAMMAL.”

Mom: *ignoring them* “He’s coming closer. Say ‘hi’ to the fishy!”

Teens: *louder* “It’s a MAMMAL, lady! Not a FISH! Gawd, are you really this stupid?!”

(She gave up and led her son away so that they could try to enjoy the aquarium in peace. The teenagers continued to laugh and make fun of the poor mother. I wish I had the guts to remind them that biological classification wasn’t important information when they were that age!)

You Can Do Bet-ter

| VA, USA | Romantic | December 14, 2016

(During my senior year, I volunteer as a docent at the aquarium. I am one of the “funny guys” in the group of docents. A lot of my jokes are about my love life, or rather lack thereof. One day, as I walk into the break room, this happens.)

Volunteer: “Hey, [My Name], you wanna go on a date?”

Me: *completely serious* “What was the bet?”

(Everyone burst out laughing because, apparently, she actually did lose a bet. To be fair, I didn’t like her that much and would’ve most likely said no even if there wasn’t a bet.)

Deanerys Is Losing Her Touch

| VA, USA | Right | November 10, 2016

(Back when I volunteered at the aquarium, we had an exhibit with Komodo dragons that I would occasionally be assigned to. On my first time being assigned to that exhibit, this conversation happened.)

Kid: “Are those real dragons?”

Me: “Yes.”

Kid: “MAKE THEM BREATHE FIRE.”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Kid: “Yeah, you can. They’re dragons; that means they can breathe fire.”

Me: “They don’t listen to me.”

Kid: “Oh. You should train them more.”

That’s The Trigger Word

| Maui, HI, USA | Working | November 8, 2016

(My girlfriend recently took a week vacation to Hawaii with her mother. Before she left I taught her to pronounce the name, in Hawaiian , of the state fish commonly known as the reef trigger fish. The Hawaiian name is notoriously difficult to pronounce for non-locals. While in front of a large tank of fish with a tour guide…)

Guide: “Can anyone tell me which is the state fish of Hawaii?”

Girlfriend: “That one there.”

Guide: “Correct! But can anyone tell me its name?” *expecting trigger fish*

Girlfriend: *with perfect Hawaiian pronunciation* “Humuhumu-nukunuku-a-pua’a!”

Guide: *with a stunned look on his face* “That’s the first time anyone has ruined my shtick.”

(My girlfriend had a smile on her face all day and I got a shirt with a humuhumu-nuk… trigger fish.)

Three Thinking

| Long Island, NY, USA | Right | November 5, 2016

(The aquarium that I work at offers daily passes as well as yearly passes. You have the option to upgrade from a daily pass to a yearly pass at the end of your visit with a copy of your receipt. Also, we do not charge for children that are two and under.)

Customer: “I would like to upgrade to the yearly pass.”

Me: “Sure, we have a couple of options. Here is a form with the types of memberships we offer.”

(I go over the various types we have and we find a plan that suits her family.)

Me: “Okay, I just need you to fill out the bottom half with your name as well as the children’s names and their dates of births.”

Customer: “Uh… why do you need their birthdays? That’s not important.”

Me: *confused* “Well, we need it to make sure we don’t charge you for an extra child because I see on your receipt here that you have a child that is under three.”

Customer: “To be honest, I lied about that. He’s three, but I didn’t want to pay for him.”

Me: “…”

Coworker: “…”

Customer: “I’m sure people do this all the time…”

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