Gothberries Taste The Sweetest

, , , , | Friendly | August 26, 2019

(I go to the aquarium with my family when I am a teenager during my goth phase. While I do enjoy the animals, I sport a black studded trench coat and steel-toed boots. We go to my least favorite exhibit — the aviary. I stand in the shade while watching my family and everyone trying to lure the birds to their fingers and hands with nectar. The birds just lean over and lick the nectar while staying away from contact. I am listening to the keeper a few feet away from me talking about the birds. She looks at me.) 

Keeper: “Would you like to try feeding the birds? See if they come to you?”

Me: *shrugs* “I guess so.”

(The birds haven’t been on anyone, anyway, so I don’t think I’ll have better luck nor do I want it; I don’t particularly like birds. But the lady just seems so nice I have to try for her. She gives me the nectar and points out a bird to try to feed. Immediately, it lands on me. Then another. Then another! And they keep coming!)

Keeper: “Oh, they like you!”

(On the other side of the aviary…) 

Mom: “[My Name], come on; we’re ready to go! Your sisters want to see the penguins!”

Me: *screaming in my trench coat and boots while I run away from a flock of candy-colored birds*

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The Earth Will Be Saved By This Generation

, , , , , | Related | August 18, 2019

When I was about three, my aunt and her then-boyfriend had just started dating. He was a notorious litterer and was always dropping garbage everywhere. My aunt would get onto him about it, but he wouldn’t stop.

One day, they took me to a local aquarium which I went to a lot, to give my parents a break.

This aquarium had what we called the Trash Tank in the lobby — basically a bunch of tires, plastic, and assorted garbage in an empty tank that simulated a river to tell people not to throw trash in the local river.

For some reason, tiny me was obsessed with this tank, and I would always spend as long as I could, playing I Spy, looking for weird things, etc.

When we passed the tank, I ran to it and began pointing out things in it and talking about not “being a litterbug” and always throwing your trash away. My aunt’s boyfriend was looking around awkwardly.

My aunt later told me that my now-uncle suddenly stopped littering after that day. I wonder why…

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Getting Bitten By A Radioactive Crab Would Suck

, , , , | Right | June 24, 2019

(I’m on vacation in Scotland, visiting an aquarium. We’re getting some info on lobsters and crabs from an employee. I’m deathly afraid of spiders.)

Employee: “Here we have the king crab. Let me get one out of its tank.”

(He takes a huge crab out of the tank, and I jump back a few feet in horror; the thing looks just like a giant spider to me.)

Employee: *still holding the crab* “Er… Something I said?”

Me: *slightly panting* “No, it’s just… eh… Can you put that thing back?”

Employee: “Oh… okaaay…”

(He puts it back.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, but I’m deathly afraid of spiders, and apparently, that fear includes everything with too many protrusions.”

Employee: “Oh, I see. Hmm.. never heard of arachnophobia that includes fear of crabs. That’s a new one!”

(Later on, I hesitantly approach the tank to take a closer look. I come to the conclusion that when it’s underwater it isn’t so bad.)

Employee: “I thought you were afraid of it?”

Me: “It’s okay when it’s just sitting still, I guess.”

Employee: “You want me to take it out again?”

Me: “DON’T YOU DARE!”

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Thank God He Didn’t Find Nemo

, , , | Right | April 9, 2019

(I’m an educator at my aquarium, and I work the touch pools very frequently.)

Me: “Welcome to our tide pools! You’re welcome to reach in and touch any of the animals in these two—“

Customer: “Is this the sushi exhibit?”

Me: *clearly not amused* “No.”

Customer: *points at a skunk shrimp* “Is that a crawdad?”

Me: “He’s a skunk shrimp; he helps other animals by cleaning any—“

Customer: “Does he taste good?”

(I just glared at him until he got uncomfortable and walked away.)

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Scotland And Canada, Northern Brothers In Arms

, , , , , | Working | December 12, 2018

(A coworker and I are in Houston, Texas for a training course. He’s from Scotland; I’m from England. As we have weekends off, we decide to drive down to Galveston and have a look round. After a short drive round, we spot the aquarium and decide to pay it a visit. It is very quiet, so there is only one member of staff on the ticket desk.)

Ticket Lady: “Welcome to the aquarium. How are y’all doing today?”

Me: “Fine, thanks. One adult, please.”

Ticket Lady: “No problem. Just for our records, where are you from?”

Me: “England.”

(She thanks me and gives me my ticket after I pay.)

Coworker: “An adult ticket for me, as well, please.”

Ticket Lady: “Okay, and where are you from?”

Coworker: “Scotland.”

Ticket Lady: “Oh, that’s the same thing.”

Coworker: “Really? What part of Canada are you from?”

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