My partner and I are getting ready to visit relatives over Christmas. As is typical of our planning prowess, my partner is writing out the Christmas cards last minute as we’re getting ready to leave.

I call him over to help me with something, and then he packs up all the card, and we’re on our way. The gathering is lovely, and we especially enjoy spending time with our two nieces. One of them is seven years old and has taken to Chess so well that she has actually beaten both my partner and I quite easily!

Both nieces open their cards excitedly, but our little Chess prodigy looks confused with hers.

Niece: “Mummy, what does this mean?”

She hands the card to her mother, who then gives us a stern look.

Mother: “I don’t know, [Niece’s Name]. Why don’t you ask Aunty [My Name]?”

She brings the card over and I read the card with shock. I call over my partner to explain. He looks at the card and goes pale white.

Partner: “I… I must have forgotten to finish what I was writing! When you called me over to help, I… I’m so sorry!”

What he had meant to write, was:

Card: “We’re looking forward to beating you at chess some day.”

What he’d ended up writing and sealing in the card, was:

Card: “We’re looking forward to beating you”

My mom has a friend who is originally from Iran. This occurred a few months after the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks in New York.

Friend: “I’m thinking about visiting my son in California, but I don’t know if I should drive or fly.”

Mom: “With increased airport security, you’ll probably want to drive.”

Friend: “Yeah, the lines are probably really long.”

Mom: “Yeah… the lines.”

Customer: “I need to get my Christmas family card out. Print a hundred of these for me.”

Me: “I can certainly print them for you, but will you be able to get them sent out in time for Christmas?”

Customer: “I won’t if you keep dawdling!”

Me: “If I put it in as a rush, it will cost [amount].”

Customer: “What?! That’s obscene!”

Me: “The post office closes in an hour. Today is the last day they can guarantee mail before Christmas Day. You don’t have a choice.”

Customer: “You’re ruining my Christmas!”

Me: “You ruined it yourself by leaving this until the last minute.”

She paid the rush fee, but then stood there moaning at my manager long enough that she didn’t make it in time for the Post Office. Of course she came back in to complain about that to and try to get a refund. Why do the holidays bring out the crazies?

Related:
A Lack Of Planning On Your Part…

I had just returned from visiting my parents for Christmas, and I had no food in my apartment. It was around 8:00 pm, so I decided to order takeout for dinner and just get groceries the next day. I placed my order online, opted to save on delivery fees by picking up the food myself, and drove to the diner when the food was supposed to be ready.

The food was not ready, so I sat on a stool at the counter and waited for maybe five to ten minutes until one of the managers said my food was finally ready.

Manager: “You’re all set.”

Me: *Sleep-deprived and confused* “But I haven’t paid yet.”

Manager: “Yes, so you’re all set.”

Me: *Credit card in hand* “But I haven’t paid for the food yet.”

Manager: *Patiently* “Yes, you’re all set.”

After a few more go-arounds, it finally dawned on me that this WHOLE TIME, he had been trying to tell me that the card reader was ready for me to swipe my card. At least he was very nice about it!

It is around Christmas in the year 2000. An older lady approaches me.

Old Lady: “I was told I need to buy a DVD rewinder.”

Me: “By who?”

Old Lady: “My grandson.”

Me: “I see.”

Old Lady: “I just bought a DVD player, trying to keep up with the times, but he told me it doesn’t rewind the DVDs, which is a bit disappointing. Can you help?”

Me: “Ma’am, I think he’s playing a prank on you.”

I explain how DVDs work.

Old Lady: “Oh, that little punk! I’m going to tell him I can’t get him a Christmas present this year as I spent all my money on that DVD rewinder!”

Me: *Laughing* “I think that’s an excellent plan, ma’am.”