I’m working at a summer camp. We are doing staff training the week before the kids arrive. In this training session, we are discussing safety.

Camp Director: “For every camper that gets hurt, three counselors will get hurt.”

After a couple of moments…

Counselor: “Oh, you meant statistically.”

We have a smallish sunglass display on the front counter directly in front of the cash register. It’s in a spot where almost every customer looks at the sunglasses and tries some on when they are being checked out.

On a Monday morning, I get a phone call.

Me: “Good morning, [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was in there on Saturday with my daughter and I think she left her glasses there. They were a very expensive pair, her first ones, and I need you to check and see if they are there before I make the hour drive from [City that is thirty minutes away] to come and get them.”

Me: “Okay, can I get a description of the glasses from you before I go looking? Are they sunglasses or seeing glasses? What color are they?”

Their tone of voice is already starting to get impatient.

Customer: “They are regular glasses, pink, and squarish.”

Me: “All right, I’m going to place you on hold while I look in our lost and found bin.”

I look in our bin and everywhere else behind the counter that they could have been placed for safekeeping if a customer or employee found them.

Me: “I’m sorry for the wait. I didn’t find any glasses of any type, let alone matching the description you gave me, in our lost and found. They may not have been found and turned in yet. Do you know what areas of the store you spent your time in, or what items you were looking at? I can go and check in those areas to see if the glasses are there.”

Customer: *Now in a very snarky voice* “They are there! I know it. My daughter and her friend were trying on your sunglasses while I was shopping. She took them off and put them on that display. God, why didn’t you look there in the first place?”

I try to stay calm as I don’t like getting spoken down to and will get confrontational in these situations.

Me: “You didn’t tell me they would be in that area of the store before. I’ll put you on hold and check there real quick.”

Customer: “Don’t you dare make me wait on hold again! You keep me on the phone while you look.”

Me: “I can’t get a full view of the sunglasses display and not put the phone down. I have to go around the counter and the phone cord won’t reach all the way around. I’ll just set the phone on the counter without putting you on hold so you can hear the background sounds.”

I put the phone down before I can hear any response from [Customer] and walk around to look closely at all of the glasses on the display. Every single one of the hooks has a pair of our sunglasses on them with no regular glasses in sight.

Me: “There are no regular glasses on our sunglasses display. I can take your name and number and call you if any turn up, or you are welcome to come in and look around for yourself. Are you sure that your daughter left them here and not somewhere else?”

Customer: *Now very angry* “Yes, I’m sure they are in your store on that display! My daughter told me that she left them there. These are $400 glasses we’re talking about. I can’t believe you are so stupid that you can’t find them!”

Me: *Now I’m mad at this lady* “I’m not the stupid one in this conversation. I wasn’t the one who walked out of a store unable to see because I took off my glasses and left them somewhere. Like I said, you are welcome to come down here and look for yourself.”

With that, I hung up the phone and went about my day. I probably shouldn’t have spoken to this customer like that as it was rude, but I didn’t get into any trouble with my boss as this store was a small business and the lady who owned it took less s*** from people than I did. My boss was completely okay with us standing up for ourselves when it came to mean customers. 

Within forty minutes of the end of the phone call, the lady drove back to our store, pulled into the parking stall right up front where I could see her fully from the front counter, and sent her daughter who lost the glasses inside to get them.

The daughter had to reach inside the hollow display and pull her glasses out from the center of it — a spot that I don’t think anyone would have thought to look for them unless they had put them there.

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. Would you like to try our [#1 combo meal] today?”

Customer: “No, I want one of your [Breakfast Sandwiches from a more famous fast food place].”

Me: “I’m sorry, we actually don’t serve any breakfast items here.”

Customer: “I got one here last week.”

We have NEVER served breakfast. Ever.

Customer: “Are you telling me I can’t have [Sandwich]?”

Me: “Sir, that’s [Restaurant #2], not us.”

Customer: “Well, say you’re sorry and I’ll leave.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “You’re not gonna say it, are you?”

Me: *Incredulous*

Manager: “Say you’re sorry!”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

I am still angry about having to apologize for someone being stupid enough not to realize we were not the correct restaurant. How is it my fault you can’t recognize a completely different logo, even if you can’t read?

My first customer of the day orders two large #1 combos.

Customer: “Oh, and I talked to a manager and should be getting them free.”

Me: “Oh? Why is that, ma’am?”

Customer: “I ordered them last night and got chicken sandwiches instead of my burgers, but no one answered when I called the last night and the cashier was rude!”

We “replaced” the order and she drove off. The manager on duty and I got to talking because we recognized this as being a lady who had gotten plenty of free and replacement orders as well as refunds in the past. I went to look up the orders for the previous night for a ninety-minute window on each side of the time she said she called and found no orders matching the one we replaced.

Fast forward three hours: the woman returned with her food almost completely gone with only half a sandwich left in the bag. She insisted on getting a refund for both meals and I let our head manager know she hadn’t even paid for them.

The head manager took ten dollars — the cost of two of the sandwiches — out of my register anyway and gave it to the woman. She then let the scammer know that she was no longer welcome back to the restaurant.

I’m glad she has finally been banned. But I am also very frustrated that not only did she get a completely free meal, but she also got ten dollars she never even spent to begin with.

A friend comes over for movie night. I want a period piece and he wants to stay awake. We compromise with “Pride And Prejudice And Zombies,” that most delightful tribute to the spirit of Miss Austen’s wonderful women and their zombie-slaying abilities. We are both single and very platonic male-female friends. A common bond is that our jobs leave us no time to date and acceptance of our eternal bachelor(ette)-hood.

A scene comes up where the women are getting ready for a dance, which includes lots of shots of knives being hidden under garments on shapely legs in boots, and guns in bustiers.

Friend: “There, that’s all I want! Is that too much to ask?”

Me: *Pauses* “You mean, a woman who is incredibly attractive, the essence of feminine, yet can still kill you with a hairpin?”

Friend: “Yes! Exactly! And who can cook!”

Me: “Yes, [Friend], that is too much to ask.”

He enjoyed the movie.