This morning, due to a software update, our registers are extra laggy. An elderly gentleman approaches with two boxes of band-aids. The usual pleasantries are exchanged. 

Me: “That will be $6.50.”

The customer hands me a twenty-dollar bill. I hit the cash option and flinch inside when I see the hour-glass of impending doom.

Me: “Sorry, the register is being a bit slow this morning.”

Customer: *Humorous* “Huh? It doesn’t want my money. Guess it’s free, then, right?”

I laugh politely. A minute passes and the register crashes.

Me: *Cringing inside* “Oh… looks like it crashed. I’m so sorry. Let me try checking you out in a different lane.”

Customer: “I’m telling you, it should be free. I should just go and walk out the door.”

I attempt to check him out again on another register, which freezes just like the first one did before it crashed.

Me: *Shrinking inside* “So sorry. I don’t know what’s with these registers this morning…”

The customer turns to the lady behind him.

Customer: “They’re giving out free stuff today! The registers don’t want our money! Ha!”

The lady makes a half-hearted laugh, and then gathers her things and makes a hasty retreat to self-checkout.

Customer: “You sure you can’t give it to me for free?”

I give him an uneasy smile. The humor has definitely worn off.

Me: “I wish I could, but I’d get fired.”

Customer: “Now, let me tell you something. You should never worry about getting fired. There is always another job out there that pays more.”

I am poking the register, silently praying for it to work.

Me: “Mmm-hmmm…”

Customer: “Back when I started out, I made $10,000 a year. Then they fired me for acting up, and two days later, I got another job that paid $30,000. Then, I left that job because the company went out of business and I got another job that paid $100,000 a year.”

I am thinking to myself how all my attempts to get a job with my degree over the last decade have failed due to my very bad eyesight, how I got my first job with dumb luck, and how it took me months to finally get this current job.

Me: “Uh-huh…”

Customer: “And now I’m seventy years old and just don’t care!”

I want to put my fist through the register screen. Instead, I flag down my boss. I explain the situation and she attempts to get the previous register up and running.

Customer: “It’s like I was telling her, I should just get this for free.”

Boss: *Taking the items* “Let me see what I can do here.”

Customer: “You know, I got paid $50 an hour… Does that mean I owe you like $8?”

My boss mutters out of earshot and then gestures me over quietly.

Boss: “You know, I’m just going to requisition this. Just give him these and send him on his way.”

It takes a second to process this in shock as, after all this fuss, I really wanted his $6 on principle. After a second, I slide his cash and the items back to him.

Me: “Here you go. You can just have these…”

Customer: “Wait? Really? You are giving it to me for free? Man, I should have got more stuff! Please, please can I go get more stuff?”

Boss: “No, I can’t let you get more. But you can take those items and go.”

Customer: “Well, great!”

He walks away.

I am staring dumbfounded after him, feeling flustered and slighted. I give my boss a questioning look.

Boss: “That was not worth the $6.”

That guy is likely at home entertaining his grandkids with the story of how he got free stuff, not realizing he also made a cashier want to crawl out of her skin in the process.

I am a manager at a fast food restaurant and have a very packed lobby and drive-thru. We have two windows: one to pay and one to get your food. At the moment, I am the only person in the front. This leaves me to take orders on both the drive-thru and in the lobby. NOBODY IS USING THE KIOSKS.

I take an order on the headset, everything goes smoothly, and the lady is satisfied. I tell her to pull up, and I continue bagging food, making fries and drinks, and taking orders from walk-ins as well as more in the drive-thru. The lady gets to my window after paying.

Me: “Hello!”

I repeat the full, massive order, worth about $40.

Me: “Is that correct?”

Customer: “Yes. Can I get ketchup?”

Me: “Absolutely. Anything else?”

Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: “Have a nice day!”

I move on to helping more customers in the lobby. I go back to the window with the next two orders after handing out orders in the lobby, but the lady is still there!

Me: “Can I help you? Was I missing something from your order?”

Customer: “No. I would like to place another order for three combo #2s and two #1s.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I cannot take your order at this window as I have several other orders behind you and their food is ready. You can pull back around or come inside and we can help you then.”

Customer: “I’M CALLING THE POLICE!”

Me: “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “I’LL HAVE YOU ARRESTED!”

Me: “…”

She starts dialing the phone and I can see that she is, indeed, dialing 911! I apologize to the lobby customers for their wait and inform them that I will be just a moment. I return to the window.

Me: “Ma’am, I need you to leave the drive-thru.”

Customer: “I’m on the phone with the police.”

Me: “This is not a police matter and you can be charged for calling with a non-emergency. My customers are suffering because of you. Please leave.”

Customer: “THEY JUST HUNG UP ON ME!”

She zooms out of the drive-thru. The next lady has heard the whole thing.

Next Customer: “Did she just call the police?”

Everyone else was very understanding, and the lady came inside to order the rest of her food.

I am divorced and currently live in a one-bedroom apartment. My twenty-two-year-old son decides to come back east and wants to live with me while he looks for a place to live. I say that it’s fine but that I want one weekend per month to myself and he will have to make other arrangements.  

Time for my weekend comes. My son calls his father and, being “cute,” asks:

Son: “Dad, can I crash at your place this weekend? Mom is kicking me out for the weekend.”

My ex can’t understand why I could possibly want him to leave for the weekend. He keeps asking my son why he is being kicked out for the weekend, and the kid keeps answering with, “So is it all right if I come to visit?”

Finally, I hear my son say:

Son: “Dad, do I really have to explain this to you?”

It’s my first time selling furniture online. I’m offering it for free as long as you pick it up, as there isn’t furniture donation pickup in my area. I post pictures of the bed and shelves and give the address to the closest store near me so people can gauge the distance.

Email: “I’d love to look at your bed! Where are you?”

Me: “We’re near [Store Address]. If you decide to take it home, I’ll send you my home address. When can you pick it up?”

Email: “I want to pick it up today! Send me the real address.”

Me: “Great! Here’s my actual address. You can pick it up now or anytime until nine.”

Email: “I’ll be there at four.”

Later, at 5:00 pm:

Me: “Hey! You didn’t show. Did something happen?”

Email: “I decided it was too far.”

This happened several more times, with slight variations, until I gave up and just trashed it. For the record, I stopped giving out my address and told them I’d meet them at that store. I didn’t want a million flaky strangers to have my address, after all.

It is the first day of the new semester of my third year of college. The professor has spent a large portion of the class reviewing the syllabus.

Professor: “…and cell phones should be off or set to silent. If you interrupt my class with a phone call, I will take a half-grade off your next test.”

My phone starts ringing with a recognizable fanfare from a famous video game series. The professor stops speaking and everyone stares at me.

Professor: “You going to answer that?”

Me: “Nope. Going to pretend like it’s not happening.”

Professor: “Ha! Good call.”

I got full credit on the next test.