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If You Have To Ask If You’re “That” Customer, You’re Not “That” Customer

, , , , | Right | April 15, 2022

It’s around midnight, and I’ve been driving since sunrise. I pull up to the drive-thru of a popular fast food franchise. After the greeting:

Me: “May I get [Competitor’s Signature Burger] meal with a Coke, please?”

Employee: *Halting* “I’m sorry, we don’t have those.”

My brain suddenly works.

Me: “Oh, my God! I’m so sorry! May I please get a [Their Popular Burger] combo with a Coke?”

Employee: *Laughs* “Of course, ma’am. Your total is [total]. At the first window.”

The transaction goes smoothly, and I explain my sleep deprivation and apologize for being “that customer.”

Employee: “Oh, believe me, you are absolutely not that customer!”

We Wish That Poor Child The Best Of Luck

, , , , | Learning | April 15, 2022

When I was in junior high, I went to a fairly small private Christian school. For the most part, it was a good experience, with the exception of one teacher. She recognized that the principal was a very kind but very passive man who like to give second, third, and seventeenth chances. This teacher took advantage of this, teaching less and less, playing favorites, giving grades that made no sense, etc.

Parents complained, but the teacher was young and the principal was an overly kind old man convinced that with one more chance, she would shape up. Finally, after she gave some twelve-year-old girls advice on how to sneak out of the house at night and ways to hide cigarettes, parents had had enough and convinced the principal to fire her. But even then, he decided to let her finish out the term.

With about two months left in the school year, she announced that she was pregnant. All of her favorites were thrilled and talking with her in class.

Student #1: “Congratulations! What are you going to name it?”

Teacher: “We don’t know yet, though I should probably name it ‘Insurance’.” *Laughs*

Student #2: “What do you mean?”

Teacher: “Well, a lot of parents think I’m too honest and are trying to get rid of me. But there is no way [Principal] is going to fire a pregnant woman!”

It turned out she was right and she was back the next year. A lot of parents decided that if she was coming back, they were not, and enrollment dropped significantly the next year.

Whichever You Pick, You Still Won’t Be Able To Fold The Fitted One

, , , , | Friendly | April 10, 2022

My friend and I were in the bedding department shopping for a set of sheets. She had looked at several but hadn’t chosen anything yet. I walked away for a minute and came back to find her holding a sheet set in each hand with a puzzled look on her face.

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Friend: “I like these but I don’t know which to get. I can’t get both.”

I looked at the display, then at the sets in her hands, and then at her.

Me: “Just pick one.”

Friend: “I can’t decide!”

The sheet sets were identical! They were same colour, the same thread count, the same texture, the same price — the only difference was the brand. And she couldn’t decide between them!

Me: “They’re exactly the same! Just give them to me, close your eyes, and pick one.”

After a couple more minutes of indecisiveness, she put them down and walked off. She bought neither.

Shopping for shoes is even worse.

You’ve Been Super Helpful, Thanks

, , , , , | Working | March 22, 2022

Every three months, I have to see my doctor to get medication refilled or have blood work done. For one of my recent appointments, I got a call the day before confirming my appointment for 8:30 am the next day. Turns out, the receptionist screwed up.

Me: “Hi. I have an appointment for [My Name] at 8:30?”

The receptionist looked up my name.

Receptionist: “Sorry, I don’t see you. Are you sure it’s today?”

Me: “At all? I’m almost 100% positive it’s today.”

Receptionist: “Nope, it says here that it’s for tomorrow at 8:00 am.”

Me: *Confused and slightly irritated* “You called to confirm the date yesterday.”

Receptionist: “Look, [Doctor] doesn’t work on Mondays. I can’t help.” *Continues typing* “Come back tomorrow.”

Me: *Thinking* “You scheduled an appointment for me on a day that my doctor never works, rescheduled it, didn’t bother to inform me, confirmed the night before that it’s today, and think any of that makes sense?”

Their Brain’s Out Of Gas

, , , , , , | Working | March 21, 2022

I’m learning Spanish, and as such, I’m one of the designated Spanish translators at my store. I’m with a customer at the print department and need to let him know that we can’t laminate government licenses.

Me: “Lo siento, no podemos imprimir de plástico las tarjetas de…” *I’m sorry, we can’t laminate cards of…*

My mind completely blanks on the word for “car”. After stammering for a while, my brain finally settles on:

Me: “Tarjetas de… VROOM-VROOM!”

We all had a good laugh over that, though I was beating myself up for a bit for not remembering “el carro”.