Algebrawwww

, , , , , , | Romantic | December 27, 2012

(I’m a math teacher at a small high school. My boyfriend is an English teacher in the same school. He often leaves me notes on the board in my room during lunch, so my students and I see them as we come in. One day, I get into my classroom and see that all of my students are sitting in their seats, waiting for me, which is odd. One of my students hands me a paper.)

Student #1: “Here! [Boyfriend] told us to have you solve this equation on the board.”

(The instructions are to “solve the inequality for i in terms of u.” I can guess where this is going. I figure it’s just another one of his notes.)

Me: “Okay, but we only have a few minutes before class starts.”

(I start to solve the problem, but as I get closer and closer to the end, I notice something’s off about the problem. My students start to snicker.)

Student #2: “Oh, my God!”

Student #3: “What? What’s wrong?”

Student #2: “He forgot that when you divide by a negative number, you flip the signs!”

(I finished the problem and laughed. The answer was “i<3u”. I turned around and saw my boyfriend on one knee in front of the class, a box in one hand and his head in the other. I said yes!)


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Like Two PIs In A Pod

, , , , , | Working | November 2, 2012

(I’m a math teacher and am sitting at lunch with another math teacher, a history teacher, and the guidance counselor.)

Other Math Teacher: “I read a great joke yesterday! What do you get when you cut the diameter from the circumference of a pumpkin?”

Me: “I don’t know, what?”

Other Math Teacher: “PIE!”

(He and I burst into laughter while the other two look at us oddly).

Me: “That’s great!”

History Teacher: “You two are losers.”

Me: “But we love it!”


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This “Real Man” Requires A Substitute

, , , , , , | Right | November 1, 2012

(I’ve just started a new job after having a baby a few months back. I’m a single mother. I am processing my first refund-to-gift-card transaction. I’m having a little bit of trouble with it, so I ask if they would mind if I called my manager.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. This is my first time doing this. Would you mind if I phoned my manager to ask him how it’s done?”

Customer: “Go figure! That’s what happens when we start hiring women! They can’t do anything right, can they? You ought to be barefoot pregnant in the kitchen, not taking jobs from hardworking men.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. I actually just started this job after having a baby.”

Customer: “So, you’re leaving a real man at home to look after your child while you take money for yourself?”

Me: *appalled* “If you’ll excuse me, sir, I’m just going to call my manager to ask him how the refund is done.”

Customer: “Go home to your b*****d baby! Leave the jobs to real men!”

(At this point, a tall, metal-ead-looking man with long hair, piercings, and ripped jeans approaches the counter behind the man. I recognize him as a teacher who substituted for some classes when I was in school. He speaks up.)

Substitute Teacher: “If all the jobs are for hardworking men, what the h*** are you doing here at two in the afternoon instead of working?”

(The customer turned white at the sight of him, gathered up his items, and ran off without getting his refund. I thanked the substitute with my first ever gift card transaction, and he took me out to dinner. He, my baby, and I have been a family ever since!)


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Defiance Is The Best Teacher

, , , , | Right | August 25, 2012

(My friend, a former coworker, comes in on a Saturday to say hello. She is standing by the counter chatting with me when a regular customer comes in. I immediately go to serve her.)

Customer: “I’ll have a latte.” *looks at my friend* “You’re wearing that to work?!”

(My friend is wearing ripped jeans, a local band shirt, and boots you could kick through a wall with, as well as her nose stud and four rings in each ear.)

Friend: “I don’t work here anymore.”

Customer: “Well, no wonder, if you started showing up like a hooligan! Young people have no sense of professionalism these days! If I met you in the street, I’d think you were going to mug me!”

Friend: “Actually, I quit because I started a new job.”

Customer: “Doing what, exactly? Scaring children?”

Friend: “Sort of. I’m a kindergarten teacher.”

Customer: *gasps, grabs her latte, and runs out the door*


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Teachers Make A Difference

, , , | Right | August 8, 2012

(I’m working in the drive-thru, taking customer’s orders and their money. This customer’s daughter is sitting in the passenger’s seat.)

Me: “That’ll be $28.10. Thanks!”

(The customer hands me $50.10.)

Customer: “So, how much change do I get?”

Me: “$22.”

Customer: “You cheated! That was an easy one! Sorry, I’m a maths teacher.”

Me: *laughs* “Oh, that’s all right. But it’s the school holidays!”

Customer: “Maths doesn’t take holidays!”

Me: “You’re right. Well, enjoy the rest of your holidays!”

Customer’s Daughter: *looks very embarrassed* “Sorry, he does this everywhere we go!”


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