(I have this conversation regularly with customers.)

Me: “Would you like your receipt emailed, printed, or both today?”

Customer: “Emailed.”

Me: “All right, what’s your email address?”

Customer: “You need my email address? Why?”

Me: “To email your receipt to you.”

Customer: “I don’t like to give out my email address.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. Just a printed receipt, then?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Uh, I guess printed is fine…”

(I’m sorry, let me just hit the *magic email* button for you, instead.)

Related:
Email Fail, Part 21
Email Fail, Part 20
Email Fail, Part 19

(Our store has its own credit card. Every cashier has a target of getting one person to sign up for the credit card each shift. The cash supervisor gets on us if we go too long without getting any, and often uses a certain coworker as an example because she always gets multiple sign-ups per shift. I try everything, even paying close attention to the things this coworker says, and parroting them to my customers. And yet, I can never hit my company-mandated target of one per shift, let alone get the amount my coworker gets. One day, I am discussing this with another coworker, who has been “moved up” to working at the returns desk.)

Coworker: *rolling her eyes* “Oh, I know how she does it.”

Me: “Oh?”

Coworker: “I have had so many people come up to me wanting to cancel their credit cards because they thought she was signing them up for the points card. She offers them the credit card, and when they say no, offers the points card. If they say yes to that, then she uses the credit card form, instead.”

(I doubt this was legal, but the store was due to close in less than a year at that point, anyway. Makes me wonder if the supervisor knew but didn’t care, because it kept our numbers up.)

(I’m working in a pharmacy, and we are absolutely slammed and understaffed. There is a register up front for people to check out with items if they aren’t picking up a prescription, and it’s a common courtesy to do so, rather than bother a busy technician. A customer approaches the counter with a full cart of items. I tell her I will be with her momentarily and finish counting the prescription. She huffs and sighs audibly while I finish. I approach the counter and smile.)

Me: “Are you picking up a prescription today?”

Customer: *rolling her eyes* “No, I’m not. I just finished shopping and waited a very long time for a lazy employee to finally check me out.”

(It took me all of about thirty seconds to get to her.)

Me: “I’m sorry about your wait, ma’am.”

Customer: “Good. Now check me out.”

(She unloads her entire cart, and it takes about ten minutes to ring everything out. During this time, a sizable line forms behind her. I only have one coworker in the pharmacy, and she is running back and forth helping customers in the drive-thru and drop-off areas, so production has completely stopped.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card? I can take a phone number, as well.”

Customer: “No, I don’t feel like digging it out. Just finish the transaction.”

Me: “Are you sure? You won’t get the sale prices without it.”

Customer: “DON’T QUESTION ME! JUST FINISH THE TRANSACTION!”

(She mutters something about incompetent employees while I finish her transaction, which comes to over $300. She pays in cash.)

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice night!”

(She takes a minute to look over her receipt, and comes to the conclusion that she’s been cheated.)

Customer: “Why didn’t I get the sale prices?”

Me: “You refused to let me scan your reward card, remember? I told you that you wouldn’t get the sale prices without it.”

Customer: “But I have one! You should have just given me a discount!”

Me: “Ma’am, unfortunately, we have to actually scan it or type in a phone number in order to give you the sale prices.”

Customer: “Well, then, redo it.”

Me: *astonished* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Redo the transaction. RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Ma’am, I would have to refund the entire transaction and re-ring each and every item in order to do that.”

Customer: “Fine. You should have done it correctly to begin with.”

Me: *defeated* “Will you at least step to the back of the line? There are people here who are sick and need their medications.”

Customer: “NO! HOW DARE YOU? I DEMAND THAT YOU TAKE CARE OF ME, NOW!”

(I begin the long process of refunding her, item by item, and re-ringing the transaction. We’ve now been at this register for so long that many customers have given up and left.)

Me: “The total comes to $290. You saved $10 today.”

Customer: “See, now, that wasn’t so difficult, was it? Next time, do it right.”

(She leaves, smirking at the other customers in line as she goes.)

Customer #2: “What in the blue f*** was her problem?”

(A woman comes into our store, and I recognize her as someone who made a huge scene a few months ago and got away with a refund and $25 gift card. I am DREADING her coming up to returns! There are a few people in front of her, and their kid drops their ice cream. I call for someone to come pick it up. We are severely understaffed, so I put a big sign in over it. The sign completely covers the spill, so unless you move the sign, you will not step on the ice cream. I see the woman eyeing the sign like she is debating whether to slip or not. As I cash out the man in front of her, I see the hazard sign go up in the air and hear someone scream. She says her back hurts and she refuses to get up. The woman then yells at me to call my manager.)

Me: “Do you want me to call 911?”

Woman: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

(I run and get my manager. While in the back, I tell my manager to review the camera above my station that will PROVE she purposely slipped!)

Manager: *comes outside to see what happened* “[My Name], what happened?”

Me: “She claims she slipped.”

Woman: “Claims?! I did slip! What are you talking about?”

Manager: “Okay, I’m going to get an incident form and we will figure this out, but ma’am, do you want an ambulance?”

Woman: “Incident form? I don’t want an incident form; I want a $200 [Store] gift card!”

Manager: “Ma’am, you’re clearly hurt; what will a [Store] gift card do for you?”

Woman: “If you give me a gift card, I won’t press charges.”

Manager: *looks around and pointedly looks at camera* “Press charges, sweetheart. Have a good day.” *walks away*

(The woman gets up, without issue, and follows my manager to customer service.)

Woman: *to customer service* “I AM HORRIFIED BY THE LACK OF CONCERN FOR ME HERE!”

Manager: “Ma’am, wait right here. I’ll help you.” *walks away and comes back out of the security room* “Ma’am, I want to show you something.”

(The woman follows the manager into the security room.)

Woman: *comes out of room* “Why would I fake something like that?”

(The undercover security come out and tell the women she is banned from this location.)

Woman: “I DON’T WANT TO COME BACK, ANYWAY!”

(Our store is a home decor boutique in an extremely wealthy neighborhood, and tends to be very pricey. I definitely can’t afford any of the things we sell, even with my discount. But even some of the wealthier clients complain sometimes about the cost. A customer comes in wearing a fur coat that looks real, and carrying a Prada bag. She’s been taking photos with her latest-gen iPhone.)

Me: “Anything you have questions on? Are you looking for a gift, or to decorate a space?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I’m hosting a big dinner later so I’m just taking some pictures.”

Me: “Okay, well, let me know. I’m a deft hand at centerpieces and vignettes.”

Customer: “Oh, don’t bother. I’m just going to find them on Amazon later.”

(I get the impulse to save, but how rude can you be?)