Can’t Lechon To What She Is Saying

, , , , | Right | October 9, 2019

(I work at a quick-service Chinese restaurant. I am serving a middle-aged Filipina.)

Me: “Hello! What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I want pork.”

Me: “Okay, well, we have mu-shu pork, sweet-and-sour pork, pork spareribs…”

Customer: “No, no. I want pork.”

Me: “Right. So, mu-shu pork, sweet-and-sour pork…”

Customer: “No! I want pork! To eat!

Me: “This is pork to eat.”

Customer: “No! Pork! Pork! I want pork!”

(She started gesticulating wildly at the box next to me, the one holding the plastic FORKS.)

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Finally Registers The Reason Why  

, , , , , , | Right | October 7, 2019

(I am stocking shelves at a pharmacy. An elderly gentleman, at least in his 70s, walks up to me and looks at my nametag.)

Customer: “Mister [My Name], yes, I was wondering if you could open up a register for me?”

(I look at the cashier stands. Two are operating, and the lines are not busy at all.)

Me: “The wait shouldn’t be very long. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “I really just need you to open a register for me, please.”

Me: *very confused* “I assure you, the ladies running the registers right now are competent and will have you out the door in no time.”

Customer: “That’s just it. They are ladies…”

(He turns to me and exposes the large box of condoms he has secreted in his jacket.)

Customer: “I wouldn’t be so brazen!”

Me: “Right this way, sir.”

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Destroying The Scientific Method

, , , , , , , | Learning | August 30, 2019

(I’m visiting my sister and we’re picking her kid up from school. While we’re there, I learn that the students are learning about biology. I’m a microbiology PhD student, and the teacher excitedly tells the students that I’m a scientist. When considering their questions — and my answers — please bear in mind that I’ve studied two classes of bacterial genes for the past three years and just about nothing else.)

Child #1: “Ms. [My Name], if lily pads were blue, would frogs be blue?”

Me: “I, uh, maybe, but frogs spend time with other plants, too, so–”

Child #2: “Ms. [Almost My Name], if I fed a tadpole a little bit of salt every day, could I make a frog that lives in the ocean?”

Me: “Not right away, but if you kept feeding lots of tadpoles a little bit of salt over hundreds of years, maybe!”

Child #3: “Ms. [Definitely Not My Name], what’s ‘serviette’ mean?” 

Me: “Oh, that’s just a fancy word for a napkin.”

Child #1: “Ms. [My Name], when there were dinosaurs, were the frogs really big?”

Me: “Well, they wouldn’t be frogs, but they might be ancestors of frogs that–”

Child #3: “So, why did they used call Russia the serviette union?”

Me: “–ancestors of frogs… that… They used to call it the Soviet Union. ‘Soviet’ is a Russian word for… farmer, I think.”

(It’s not. But I couldn’t remember what it did mean, because…)

Child #2: “Only I have a bucket of tadpoles, and I gave then a little salt, and they’re all okay, except the ones Henry ate.”

Me: “Henry… ate..?”

Child #2: “Like this!” *baring her teeth* “Raar raar raar!”

Children #1 and #3: “Raar raar!”

(A bell rings, and they disappear. I go talk to the teacher.)

Me: “So… biology. Lot about frogs, I guess?”

Teacher: “Oh, no. We’ve been talking about trees. But I brought a frog to class and it jumped onto a student’s head, and they still haven’t stopped trying to make it happen again.”

Me: “Also, this might be important. Who’s Henry?”

(The teacher points to a small boy who’s hitting a pencil with another pencil.)

Teacher: “Oh, also, that’s the name of the principals’ cat. Why do you ask?”

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Unfiltered Story #159988

, , | Unfiltered | August 6, 2019

Having spent the majority of the day pushing 10 70lb carts up ramps, but baggers are needed inside. Dead tired, but there are 3 more hours until clock out so I go inside to help.
At the register. While bagging the current customers things to the their cart the next person inline complains:

Waiting Customer: Are you going to load my stuff on the conveyor belt?!
Me: (As I am still loading the current customers stuff into boxes and into their cart) Uh, Sure thing Ma’am. I just need to finish up with the person infront of you and I’ll help load your things unto the counter.
Waiting Customer: Geez, what the hell. Why can’t you help me? I’ve been shopping all day here. I’m tired and you can’t even get my stuff on the counter.
Me: Ma’am when I’m finished I’ll help you as soon as I can.
Waiting Customer: This is bullsh*t. You needs manners.

I ended up putting all her stuff on the counter after finishing with the previous customer.

Making Baka Of Themselves

, , , , , | Right | August 3, 2019

(I am a customer in line at a grocery store, standing behind two Japanese girls. The employee bagging their groceries is clearly mentally challenged and her work is a little slow, but neat. The girls smile as they start saying rude things about her in their native tongue.)

Rude Girl #1: *in Japanese* “God, what’s wrong with this girl? She’s taking forever.”

Rude Girl #2: *in Japanese* “I don’t know. Maybe she’s a friend of the manager or something. I mean, look at her, smiling like an idiot.”

(They laugh, and I’ve had enough. I’m not totally fluent in Japanese, but I know enough.)

Me: *in Japanese* “She may not know what you’re saying, but I do. I won’t hurt her feelings by telling her so, but I think you both should be quiet right about now.”

(I smiled sweetly at the pair. Both girls went pale and shut up, not saying another word as they took their bags and left. The employee thanked me for what I did, since she had an inkling as to what was going on, and her smile made my day.)

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