We Don’t Want To Think Where Gummi-Berry Juice Comes From

, , , | Right | June 30, 2020

We’ve stopped at a gas station for drinks and snacks. My husband is purchasing an energy drink while I’ve got water and gummy bears.

Me: “That stuff is going to kill you.”

Husband: “Energy drinks are good for you.”

Me: “They’re half poison.”

Husband: “Because gummy bears are healthy?”

Me: “These are completely natural. Made from 100% pure gummy bear.”

Clerk: “We catch them fresh in the wild every week.”

Husband: “I really don’t know what to say to that.”

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Unfiltered Story #191273

, , , | Unfiltered | April 1, 2020

(I’m a shopper in this one)

Customer: Excuse me, do you accept EBT?

Me: I’m sorry, I don’t work here. I just happen to be wearing a blue shirt.

Customer: ……….WOW!

(As he stands there for a while, apparently astonished, I go about my shopping again. Then I hear the sound of things tumbling and breaking, and he reappears from another aisle, balancing at least a dozen energy drink cans. He bolts for the checkout, dropping two more on the way. I’m now behind him in line.)

Customer: someone spilled a bunch of energy drinks back there!

Clerk: Haha, yeah I’m SURE it was some guy. (She’s seems to think he’s joking around)

Customer: No, serious! Some guy came and spilled them!

Clerk: (her expression droops as she figures out he’s actually trying this juvenile excuse) Alright well… I’ll have one of the other associates go look. Do you have a [drug store] membership card?

Customer: Yes I do!

Clerk: Alright, go ahead and swipe it right here.

Customer: I don’t have a membership card.

Clerk: …Oh. Would you like to sign up for one to get a discount today?

Customer: Yes.

Clerk: Okay, go ahead and push yes on the touchscreen. Now, go ahead and enter your phone number.

Customer: …………WOW.

(He bends over the touchscreen deep in thought for a long time without pressing anything.)

Clerk: Would you like me to give you the mail-in membership paper so you can get your discount now and fill this out later?

Customer: No, I got this.

(He manages to get 3 numbers typed in)

Clerk: (into the phone PA) Second checker please, I need someone to open another register.

(A new register is opened, and all the other waiting customers are checked out. Last I saw, he was still entering his phone number.)

Unfiltered Story #190602

, , , | Unfiltered | March 25, 2020

worked for Cable Company (midnight -7 am shifts) Mostly issues like outages or buying PPV movies/ remotes not working (This happened to be a billing call)

Me : Thank you for calling (Company) my name is (Name) how can i help you
Customer : Hi, can you help me with some billing questions ?
Me : Sure i’d be happy to help you, first i just need to verify some account questions to make sure you are authorized
(Customer verifies everything) and i have been reviewing his bill as he spoke, noticing a HUGE amount of Adult movies on his account for the last 5+ months (over 30 each month ranging from $6.95 to $49.95)

Customer : Can you explain these charges (he lists dates and it’s the adult movies)
Me : Those charges are (i list off the names and Ratings) adult movies all of which were ordered from the Remote, using your PIN set up at the time service was started
Customer : Are you sure? this seems like a lot (his current bill has 6) and i swear i have never ordered movies like this, im a grown man who works 2 jobs
Me : Are you aware that the last 5 months have had over 100 movies of this type ordered? i understand what your saying but for 5 months they have been ordered and payed for… is there anyone else in the home that might be placing these types of movies?
Customer : nope, no way it’s just me and my 17 year old son and his pregnant live in girlfriend, there is no way they would do this …… (Long pause…. screams son’s name) 2-3 mins of fighting and screaming ….. “i am so sorry about this i’ll be paying this off and he will get an ass whooping”

Hangs up

They Have A Band On Their Wrist And A Chip On Their Shoulder

, , , , | Right | March 11, 2020

(I am volunteering at a convention where people are given wristbands to wear instead of badges. I am standing at one of the entrances, and my job is to stop people if I can’t see their wristbands. Whenever someone passes me, I look at their wrists to check for a wristband. At one point, two young women come out holding hands. As usual, I look at their wrists as they pass. They notice and stop.)

Woman #1: “Excuse me, do you have a problem with us?”

Me: “Oh, I’m—”

Woman #2: “There’s nothing wrong with two people in love.”

Me: “I know, I’m just—”

Passerby: “This city is full of LGBT people; you’ll just have to deal with it! Otherwise, get the f*** out.”

Me: “Look, I’m just checking for wristbands, which you clearly have. I don’t have a problem with you.”

Woman #1: “Oh…”

Me: “Enjoy the show.”

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Clearly, She Was Offended By The Word “Tricky”

, , , , , | Working | February 24, 2020

Due to my experience with databases and the specific reporting software we use, I often get called in to help build reports that coworkers in my company will run and use. This experience means that I’m also generally their first resource when those reports break or give odd data.

On this particular day, I am contacted by a fairly new coworker who is taking over a particular report that a prior coworker had been running. She wants me to explain how the report works so that she can understand it all. I am ahead on my work, and I’m happy to do so as my coworkers understanding the reports cuts down on the amount of troubleshooting I end up needing to do. I go over to her desk and sit down to explain things.

“To start with, how familiar are you with [Reporting System]?”

*Cheerfully* “Totally unfamiliar. This is my first time using it.”

*Laughing* “Well, that’s okay; it is designed to be pretty user-friendly. It mimics a lot of the reporting functions of [Common Database Program], if you’ve used that.”


“That’s okay. So, first, let’s open up the report.”

My coworker opens the program, then pauses.

“Um, where is the report?”

“It will be under [Folder] in the Report tab.”

I walk her through opening up the report and go through the various columns in it, explaining where the data for them came from. The entire time, she is cheerful and attentive and seems to be following along easily.

“All right, so, this last column is a bit tricky, because I had to manually code it rather than relying on what [Program] has available. It pulls from–”

“Don’t condescend to me.”

*A bit startled* “Uh, sorry, I didn’t–”

“I’m a professional. You shouldn’t talk down to me.”

It was like a switch had been flipped. She went from cheerful to icily angry in an instant. There was nothing different about how or what I was explaining, as far as I could tell. I kept going, finishing up the explanation, and she ended up thanking me in the same cool tone. I went back to work, feeling slightly weirded out from the sudden tone shift.

I ended up getting called into my boss’s office a week or so later to be asked about it, because apparently, my coworker had complained to the boss about me trying to “foist off” my reports onto her. That really confused my boss, given that she was the one who’d assigned my coworker to take care of that report in the first place.

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