No Caprese, Capiche?

, , , , , | Right | March 4, 2019

Customer: “I would like two orders of the chicken caprese with no caprese.”

Me: “Okay, it is a chicken dish based on a caprese salad which is comprised of fresh mozzarella, sliced tomato, fresh basil, and then drizzled with balsamic vinegar and olive oil. So the actual dish is a balsamic glazed chicken breast stuffed with fresh mozzarella, tomato, and basil. Which of the ingredients do you wish to avoid?”

Customer: “Caprese.”

Me: “So you want two plain chicken breasts then?”

Customer: “No, I just don’t want no caprese on it.”

Me: “Again, caprese means fresh mozzarella cheese, tomato and fresh basil leaves drizzled with balsamic vinegar, so when you say you do not want the caprese do you mean the balsamic glaze on the chicken? Do you not want the basil? Or is it the cheese, or the tomato? Because they all make up the “caprese” part of the chicken caprese dish, so saying you don’t want caprese makes it plain chicken. So can you tell me which ingredient it is you do not want?”

Customer: “Caprese.”

Me: *soul slowly dying*

Karma Lives In Ohio

, , , , , | Working | February 18, 2019

(I work in an electronics lab at a high-tech manufacturer in California. My supervisor sometimes takes credit for my work. One day a customer in Ohio is having trouble with their user interface port, a problem I have already solved. My supervisor asks me to explain the fix, all the while repeating, “I do NOT want to go to Ohio!” Later, the owner walks in for an update.)

Owner: “So, did you come up with a solution?”

Supervisor: “Yes, it seems that—“ *repeats my solution as his own*

Owner: “That’s good work, [Supervisor]. I’m sending you to Ohio to fix this customer’s unit.”

Me: *suppressing a shriek of laughter*

She Slipped Up Big Time

, , , , | Right | January 2, 2019

(A woman comes into our store, and I recognize her as someone who made a huge scene a few months ago and got away with a refund and $25 gift card. I am DREADING her coming up to returns! There are a few people in front of her, and their kid drops their ice cream. I call for someone to come pick it up. We are severely understaffed, so I put a big sign in over it. The sign completely covers the spill, so unless you move the sign, you will not step on the ice cream. I see the woman eyeing the sign like she is debating whether to slip or not. As I cash out the man in front of her, I see the hazard sign go up in the air and hear someone scream. She says her back hurts and she refuses to get up. The woman then yells at me to call my manager.)

Me: “Do you want me to call 911?”

Woman: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

(I run and get my manager. While in the back, I tell my manager to review the camera above my station that will PROVE she purposely slipped!)

Manager: *comes outside to see what happened* “[My Name], what happened?”

Me: “She claims she slipped.”

Woman:Claims?! I did slip! What are you talking about?”

Manager: “Okay, I’m going to get an incident form and we will figure this out, but ma’am, do you want an ambulance?”

Woman: “Incident form? I don’t want an incident form; I want a $200 [Store] gift card!”

Manager: “Ma’am, you’re clearly hurt; what will a [Store] gift card do for you?”

Woman: “If you give me a gift card, I won’t press charges.”

Manager: *looks around and pointedly looks at camera* “Press charges, sweetheart. Have a good day.” *walks away*

(The woman gets up, without issue, and follows my manager to customer service.)

Woman: *to customer service* “I AM HORRIFIED BY THE LACK OF CONCERN FOR ME HERE!”

Manager: “Ma’am, wait right here. I’ll help you.” *walks away and comes back out of the security room* “Ma’am, I want to show you something.”

(The woman follows the manager into the security room.)

Woman: *comes out of room* “Why would I fake something like that?”

(The undercover security come out and tell the women she is banned from this location.)

Woman: “I DON’T WANT TO COME BACK, ANYWAY!”

The Holiday Season Is For Everyone Except Bigots

, , , , , | Hopeless | December 30, 2018

On the first night of Chanukah 2018, my home was vandalized with a swastika and paint stripper was dumped on my car. My car was totaled out because the unknown substance etched itself into the glass, and metal and spray paint would not stick.

I was in shock when, the night after the attack, a candle-light vigil was organized for us to show hate crimes were not tolerated here. Someone even set up a GoFundMe to help cover the costs to replace my car.

Even though the vandals haven’t yet been caught, my neighborhood has rallied around us to ensure that we feel safe and protected. I never thought so many strangers would be so willing to make us feel safe and welcome after someone would attack us just because of our religious beliefs, but seeing all those people rally around us give me hope that the world really is moving towards the right direction.

Perpetual Unhappiness Is Not A Gift

, , , , , | Right | December 20, 2018

(A woman, who in retrospect is probably a scammer, comes up to me at returns. I’ve been working at this location for two years so far, but we recently got new management.)

Customer: “Hi. I bought a lotion here and I found it was used. I don’t want a refund or exchange; I just want a gift card.”

(How she knows this I don’t know because most of our bottles don’t have covers on top.)

Me: “Let me get my manager.”

(I run to the back and get the manager.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to understand why you want a gift card when I can just give you a return and you can buy a new product?”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take a refund… but I also want a gift card because I am displeased with the service here.”

Manager: “I am sorry you are displeased with the service here, and while I will not question you on how you know the lotion was used, I can only offer you either a refund or exchange.”

Customer: “I want a refund and a $50 [Store] gift card. I’ve been to other [Stores], and when I’m not happy with customer service, the manager usually gives me a gift card of $25 to $50.”

(This IS true, BUT ONLY TRUE if you come across a rude employee who refuses to help you, not for a return. My manager refuses to budge, and the customer starts raising her voice.)

Customer: “This [Store] is gross! I HATE THE CUSTOMER SERVICE HERE!”

(My manager gave her a $25 dollar gift card and a refund to get her out.)

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