(I am working a cash register when a middle-aged customer approaches with a single pair of flip-flops. Sales tax has not changed here for several years.)

Me: *scans sandals* “Your total is $5.50.”

Customer: “WHAT?! The tag says $5!”

Me: “Yes, sir, they are $5, but with tax, they come to $5.50.”

Customer: “Why aren’t they $5?”

Me: “They are, sir, but with tax, your total is $5.50.”

Customer: *shouting* “Bloody Harper!”

(He then throws the flip-flops on the ground before stomping out of the store.)

Me: *to coworker* “Apparently, he thinks this is the first Prime Minister we’ve had to pay tax under?”

Customer: “Can you tell me if this clock is really loud? I hate clocks that tick really loudly.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a digital clock.”

Customer: “Yes. So? Is it a loud one?”

Me: “Digital clocks don’t make any noise at all, ma’am. You should be fine.”

Customer: “Okay, well, I’ll get it, but if it ticks too loudly, I’m going to bring it back and find you and tell you that you were wrong.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s digital. Like your cell phone. Do you ever hear your cell phone ticking?”

(She still didn’t get it. I heard her asking the cashier about our return policy, just in case the “ticking” was too loud for her.)

This story was told to me by my fiancé who worked at the store at the time. Police arrived at [Trade Store] and asked [Fiancé] about two customers he’d served the day before. Apparently, these two were suspected of stealing several power tools the previous night.

The thieves had parked out of view of the cameras and seemed to know where other cameras were while they ransacked the place. Police said they’d investigate, but given the low amount of evidence, the thieves would likely get away.

But the thieves got greedy. They went back! I guess it’s more lucrative to sell items as new with boxes, so the thieves actually came back and took the boxes they’d originally left behind. Again, they parked away from the cameras. The store is in a small, rural town so there isn’t much traffic… except for buses.

As the thieves pulled away, a bus passed them. This was all captured on the CCTV. The police contacted the bus depot, found the bus that went by that night, grabbed its dashcam, and found the registration number of the car that the thieves had driven and the address of the car’s owner.

Police went to the address and found the thieves surrounded by their stolen items — from more than just [Trade Store].

The store has since increased the number and position of cameras.

Me: “Hi, sir. Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I was looking for How to Train Your Dragon 3 on Blu-Ray.”

Me: “I’m not entirely sure, but I believe that the movie has just been released in theaters. I think we have the first two How to Train Your Dragon movies, though.”

Customer: “I just need it and some dragon toys for my kid’s birthday.”

Me: “Well, since it came out recently, I don’t think we have it. If you’d like, I can show you where it would be or you can ask our electronics desk.”

Customer: “No, you have to have it. You don’t know anything about this store, do you? Do you think I should pay you for not knowing where DVDs are?”

Me: “No, sir, but if you’d come with me I can show you where we do have the product.”

(I show the man the toys and then go to the books and DVDs.)

Me: “So, it doesn’t seem as if we have it, but if you look online you might be able to preorder a copy, and with our store card there’s free shipping.”

Customer: “You should have it here. I’m going to go ask the manager where it is. You don’t know anything and that’s why you earn minimum wage.”

(I smile and pinch myself; I graduated from college only two years ago.)

Me: “Certainly, sir.”

(My manager comes over.)

Customer: “Where’s How to Train Your Dragon 3?! I’ve been looking for over twenty minutes and your sales girl is useless.”

Manager: “Sir, do you have a smartphone?”

Customer: “Of course.”

Manager: “Search up the movie for us.”

(The customer does so.)

Customer: “It says it’s out! Where’s the Blu-Ray?”

Manager: *pauses and stares* “At this time, sir, you can only get the information about how to see the movie at the theatre downtown. Anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: *pause, rethinking* “Do you have Jersey Boys?”

(I work at a card store in the mall that has a rewards card program. It’s free and employees don’t get anything if we sign someone up, so we never push it. We ask at checkout if they have a rewards card, and that’s it. Still, often times people feel compelled to tell me a really long story about why they don’t have, want, or need one. A customer comes up to the register and I guess he’s decided that I’m going to try to push the rewards card on him. He puts his cards on the counter and I start to ask him if he found everything okay, but he cuts me off and says:)

Customer: “I’m going to say no to everything you ask me.”

(I can tell that he’s trying to be funny, but I have legitimate questions I need to ask. I smile and as I ring him up I say:)

Me: “Okay, well, I’m sorry, but there are some things I have to ask you; it’s just company policy. Do you have a–“ (“–rewards card?”)

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Would you like–“ (“–seals?” They’re these free stickers we give out that go on the back of the cards.)

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Do you–“ (“–need envelopes?” since he’s brought up two cards without their envelopes.)

Customer: “No.”

(He gets a big smile as he’s cutting me off and I’m starting to get a little annoyed now, but I tell him his total and he gives me cash. Then I say:)

Me: “Do you–“ (“–need a bag?”)

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Would you–“ (“–like a receipt?”)

Customer: “No.”

(I’m tired of his little game, so I instead of just giving it to him, I ask:)

Me: “Do you–“ (“–want your change?”)

Customer: “No.”

(He’s standing there with his un-bagged cards with two envelopes missing as I take his receipt and put it on the stack of unwanted ones.)

Me: “Okay, have a great day!”

(His big smile is gone. He looks at his cards, looks at me, and says:)

Customer: “Um, where’s my change?”

(I haven’t actually closed the register all the way because I figured this would happen. As I get him his change, I say:)

Me: “Sorry, I tried to ask if you wanted it, but you said no.”

(We stand there in silence for a moment. Then, with an annoyed little huff, he says:)

Customer: “Are you going to bag them?”

Me: “I’d be happy to. I thought you didn’t want one since you said no when I asked.”

(He goes on to ask for envelopes, his receipt, and even seals, getting more and more irritated each time I cheerfully explain that he said no. Once he’s finally got everything, he heads for the door. There is a woman browsing near the exit, who I guess is with him because as he walks up she stops browsing and leaves with him. I hear him tell her:)

Customer: “That girl at the register has no idea what she’s doing.”