My job involves addressing people on the street and inviting them to try out food products. I’m talking to a woman who would like to try one such product, which has a few extra selection criteria, including income.

Me: “Are you the primary income-earner in your household?”

Woman: “No.”

Me: “All right, then what is your partner’s highest completed education?”

Woman: “A trade school.”

Me: “Okay, and what is his or her current job?”

Woman: “Do I look like a lesbian?!”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Woman: “Why did you say, ‘his or her’? I’m married to a man!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I didn’t know that when I asked the question, and I didn’t want to presume.”

Woman: “I’m not a lesbian.”

Me: “Noted. Now then, what is your husband’s job?”

Woman: “Do a lot of gay people participate?”

Me: “I don’t ask respondents about their sexual orientation, so I can’t give you an exact number. But yes, gay people do participate sometimes.”

Woman: “Oh. Then I think I’ll just move along. I mean, I don’t mind if people are lesbians, but I’m not one.”

She walks away. A bit further down the street, a female coworker approaches her.

Coworker: “Good afternoon, ma’am. Would you like to participate—”

Woman: “I’M NOT A LESBIAN!”

Related:
A Rather Queer Interview Technique

I work for a pretty well-known, somewhat expensive athletic wear store. However, the location I work at is an outlet store, so the price is a lot cheaper for our clothes. A customer came in yesterday, and despite corporate policy, we held several items, all of which were clearance, for her because she was so polite.

Customer: *At the register* “Oh, I remember you. You helped me the other day. I told you I’d come back. Oh, and don’t forget my 10% discount.”

We give three 10% discounts. One is to military and civil service personnel and the second corresponds to a coupon book offered by the mall. We must actually verify these discounts by either checking ID or making sure they do in fact have the “VIP coupon book”. The third discount is tricky; it’s our “team discount”. You have to get at least ten of the same item in all different sizes, AND you must prove it’s for a team. Normally, the team manager calls and talks to our store manager, or even corporate at times, to verify for this particular discount.

Me: “Oh, sure. Are you military?”

Customer: “No, I am not, but I get 10% off.”

Me: “Well, I’d certainly love to give you your discount. Do you have your VIP coupon book with you?”

Customer: “Why would I have that? Just give me the 10% off. I come here almost every month and they always give me a discount for buying so much.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I’ve never seen you in the past two years I’ve worked here and—” *Jokingly* “—you really don’t have all that much here.”

She only has eighteen items, and since they are clearance, the total is a little over $250; really this isn’t all that much by our standards.

Customer: “No! You’re giving me a discount or I’m not buying it.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, they do check the cameras every now and then, and if I’m seen giving you a discount without checking to make sure you are owed it, I could get fired. Since I’d rather not lose my job, I’m sorry, but I can’t give you a discount.”

Customer: “But the managers do it all the time.”

Me: “Oh, really? Which ones?”

Customer: “Your store manager!”

Me: “Let me go grab her real quick, then, but I can tell you, she’s going to say the exact same thing that I’ve said.”

She ignores my offer to grab a manager.

Customer: “Come on. What will it take for you to give me a discount?”

Me: “Well, if you’re an AAA member, I can hold your items while you go get the coupon book, which would be free to you, so you can get the discount. However, if you don’t want to do that, we’re having a promotion for the month of October through the mall and I’ll give you 25% off one item since I have that book that someone left.”

I go ahead and do that discount on her highest-priced item, which was marked $24.97 on clearance. This item was originally $40.

Customer: “That’s not the same, and it won’t save me much.”

Me: “You’re right, but the way I figure it, a little savings is better than nothing. Plus, I did it on your most expensive item: this $25 tank top. that way you got the most savings from it.”

The customer blows up.

Customer: “THIS ISN’T $25; IT’S $15! I GRABBED IT FROM THE CLEARANCE RACK SO YOU MUST HAVE RUNG IT UP WRONG ON PURPOSE!”

I show her on the tag where it says $24.97 and somehow, at this point, I’m still keeping my cool.

Me: “Unfortunately, it is that price. Did you want me to take it off this transaction?”

Customer: “OF COURSE I DO!”

She picks up the tank top and throws it at me.

Customer: “Now, which item will you do the 25% off of now? Or will you finally give me the 10% like you should?”

Me: “None of them. I merely did it out of courtesy. Technically, I could still have gotten in trouble for discounting that item as it wasn’t your coupon book.”

She is now realizing I’m not falling for her pleas.

Customer: “Well, fine! I don’t want it.”

She shoves it all away from her, knocking several items off the counter.

Me: “All right, then. Have a great day and I hope to see you again soon.”

I say this to a lot of customers; it’s just a habit of mine. The customer whirls around.

Customer: “WHAT’S. YOUR. NAME?!”

I write down my name, my boss’s name, and my store number.

Me: “Here’s all the information you’ll need. Now please leave my store.”

Coworker: *Turns to me* “How’d you handle that without blowing up at the customer?”

Me: “Too many years of working retail and dealing with idiots.”

I went and told my store manager what happened; she just laughed and said, “I hope she does report you. I think it’d make the district manager laugh, too.”

Related:
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 13
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 12
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 11
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 10
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 8

I’m a young woman working the overnight shift in a popular big box store. I’m called to the electronics department to help a customer. He is in his fifties and not especially hygienic.

Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I need an iPod holder.”

Me: “Oh, for when you walk or are at the gym?”

Customer: “No. For when I have sex.”

He tips me a giant wink.

Me: *Taken aback* “Um, well…”

I show him a few armband iPod holders.

Me: “These might work for you.”

Customer: “I’d really like it to be a headband. And I need one of those splitters so both of us can listen at the same time.”

He winks at me again. I am stammering at this point trying to remain professional while being creeped out.

Me: “Uh, well, I guess we can get you some, uh, velcro straps from the fabrics department to hold it on…”

I ended up helping him fashion his headband iPod holder for sexual activities for the next forty-five minutes. From then on until I quit, he always sought me out whenever he was in the store. Yuck!

Related:
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 18
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 17
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 16
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 15
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 14

This happens a number of years ago, back when I am working for a national electronics retail chain.

As I’ve been there a couple of years and want to progress, I sign up to the company-sponsored Retail Workers Accreditation scheme; it’s been so long now that I forget what it was actually called.

We have an external overseer come in who has to monitor my in-store work from time to time. On this particular day, I happen to be working at the checkout and one of our semi-regular customers comes up to the checkout.

I check him out in absolute silence, making hand gestures and writing down his total for him before checking him out.

After he leaves, there is a momentary lull in customers, so the overseer comes to talk to me about my last transaction.

Overseer: “Why did you not speak to that customer or offer any of the addons as per policy?”

Me: “I did offer the addons. He bought an item and I asked if he wanted to buy the batteries for it.”

Overseer: “Impossible. How could you have done that without speaking to him? This doesn’t bode well for you passing this module.”

Me: “What would be the point in speaking to him—”

Overseer: *Interrupting* “It’s important to speak to the customers to make sure they’ve got everything they need, and you need to offer the addons.”

Me: “But he’s deaf, and I know that because he comes in every couple of weeks. If you’d been watching closely, after I scanned the item, I pointed to the batteries, and he declined.”

Overseer: “Oh. Well, that’s different, then. I’ll just go rewrite this assessment form. Good job.”

Needless to say, I passed the module.

My wife and I only own one car and she has a longer commute. There is a bus that goes past my house and my work so she takes the car while I take the bus.

Everything is fine until we need to get something from [Retailer] for my work. The only one who can be spared to go is me but not having a car is mildly problematic. The simple solution is for my friend and coworker to loan me his car for the quick schlep.

My friend is disabled and, as such, has disabled plates on his car.

Since I am not disabled, I do not park in the handicapped spaces. In fact, as it’s near Christmas and it’s a very full lot, I park at the very end of one of the last rows. There’s the main road, a secondary road that has some fast food eateries, and then the parking lot for Walmart. I am literally parked so far away that if I were to move to the next furthest space, I would be parked in a fast food place.

As I’m getting out of the car, I attract the attention of a nosy Karen who takes offence to the fact that I’m in a car with disabled plates but don’t seem to need them.

She confronts me and I try to explain that I’m not abusing the plates since I’m not using them to park in the handicapped spaces. She won’t listen, so I blow her off and go to pick up our order.

Fifteen minutes later, I’m walking out and I see in the distance that she’s still there. A police cruiser pulls onto the secondary road and Karen starts jumping up and down waving her arms as if to flag them down.

She does. The officer steps out of his car and they begin to chat. Karen sees me and points to me and my clearly not-disabled stride towards the car. The officer looks at me and looks at the car, and with a look of exasperation, speaks to me.

Officer: “I can guess what you’re about to say but I need to ask. Can you explain the plates?”

Me: “I needed a car; my friend loaned me his. He’s disabled and I am not, so I parked here away from the handicapped spots.”

Officer: *Nodding* “Close. I was expecting you to say, ‘Wife’s car,’ but that’s good enough for me. You can go about your business.”

Karen started screeching at the officer and I drove off.