Pun-gent Politics

, , , , , | Related | May 16, 2015

(Scotland has had a lot of political upheaval in the last year and now has a new First Minister, which is the leader of the country. I’m talking about it with my mum.)

Mum: “So before the First Minister was Alex Salmond, but now it’s Nicola Sturgeon.”

Me: “Yeah, I think she’s—”

Mum: “There’s something fishy about that.”

Me: “…” *long, drawn-out groan*

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I’ll Tell You When You’re Molder

, , , , | Related | March 16, 2015

(I’m five years old, telling a joke I learned at school.)

Me: “So the papa mole came out of the hole and said, ‘Look at all the flowers!'”

Dad: “Okay.”

Me: “And then the mama mole came out of the hole and said, ‘Look at all the grass!'”

Dad: “All right…”

Me: “And then the baby mole came out and said, ‘What flowers? What grass? All I see is mole a**es.'” *pause* “I don’t get it. Why does he see molasses?”

This story is part of our Mole Day roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Funny Stories About Getting Confused With The Metric System


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And A Bottle Of Pun…

, , , , , | Friendly | May 23, 2014

(I am in AP Calculus. At the beginning of the year my teacher divided us into groups with which we are allowed to work on homework and some test problems. My group is my two friends and I. We are really not bad at Calculus, but we are a little crazy sometimes and easily get off topic.)

Me: “Guys, we need a group name!”

Friend #1: “Okay… like what?”

Friend #2: “Well, it needs to be a math pun, obviously.”

(We Google ‘math puns’ but don’t find any that work for a group name, so we begrudgingly settle in to do homework. Then, a few minutes later…)

Friend #2: “Oh, my gosh! We’re the pirates! Get it? Pi-rates? Like, pi?!”

Me & Friend #1: “That’s awesome!”

Me: “Now we just need a theme song!”

Friend #1: “Seriously?”

Me: “Yes. And I’ve already got it! ‘We are the pi-rates who don’t derive anything. We just sit in our corner and cry. And if you ask us to derive anything, we’ll just tell you… we don’t know how.'”

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Bad Jokes Make A Good Customer

, , , | Right | August 7, 2013

Me: “Keep in mind, sir, these items are a three day return!”

Customer: “Well, I don’t think I will wait three days in line just to return some shirts.”

Me: “Haha, very clever, sir. However, do not worry; I wouldn’t make you wait three days. But if they don’t fit right when you get home, bring them back to me within three days so we can get you a refund.”

Customer: “And you know what? I was eating at a fast food joint the other day. I noticed on the door in the bathroom it said that employees must wash hands. So I stood there and stood there, and no employee ever came in to wash my hands. I really didn’t think it was good service.”

Me: “Thank you, sir; that made my day.”

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Like Two PIs In A Pod

, , , , , | Working | November 2, 2012

(I’m a math teacher and am sitting at lunch with another math teacher, a history teacher, and the guidance counselor.)

Other Math Teacher: “I read a great joke yesterday! What do you get when you cut the diameter from the circumference of a pumpkin?”

Me: “I don’t know, what?”

Other Math Teacher: “PIE!”

(He and I burst into laughter while the other two look at us oddly).

Me: “That’s great!”

History Teacher: “You two are losers.”

Me: “But we love it!”

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