(My husband and I are driving on a road near our house where they are putting up a natural food store right next to a restaurant. It looks like it’s almost touching the restaurant.)
Me: “It looks like they’re spooning one another.”
Husband: “Store sex! Does this mean they’re going to have kiosks?”
(It’s three in the morning when I get a phone call from my best friend. She wakes me about once a week to tell me some weird thing she thought of while she was trying to sleep.)
Friend: “Hey! Guess what I just realized?”
Me: “What?”
Friend: “All bearded dragons come from Australia!”
Me: “And?”
Friend: “That means every bearded dragon is the Lizard of Oz!”
Me: *brief pause* “Oh, my God, [Friend]. Go to bed!”
This story is part of the International Joke Day roundup!
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(My husband and I are at his parents’ place. We all recently received invitations to a gathering of “descendants of Otto von [Mother-In-Law’s maiden name],” and are discussing it.)
Mother-in-Law: “So, all of Otto’s descendants will be there, but his siblings’ families have their own. Apparently, he came to America, established himself, then went back to get one of his brothers, and then another when they had established themselves, until he’d brought his whole family over.”
Father-in-Law: “Sounds like they Otto be grateful to him!”
(He and my husband cracked up; my mother-in-law and I exchanged a look.)
(Before I get in our new pool with our grandsons, I decide to explain a very important rule by telling a very old, very corny joke.)
Me: “Boys, welcome to our ‘ool.’”
(They both looked puzzled.)
Me: “I can see that you’re wondering why I called it our ‘ool.’ It’s because there is no P in it, and we want to keep it that way.”
(They burst out laughing. Two days later, their mom brings them to swim again. She and I are talking when the older boy yells:)
Grandson: “Uh-oh, Grandma! Now it’s a pool!”
After a busy day, we spent a long night washing dishes, and we were all exhausted after working all day. One of the servers came to ask us if we had any clean forks so that they could finish placing silverware, but didn’t know that one of the other servers had just picked up all we had left.
Without thinking, I said, “Sorry, we’re fresh out of forks to give.”
My manager overheard, and started laughing.
