We Love You Too

, | | Right | April 17, 2008

(It was literally 3 minutes before closing time, and someone called us.)

Drunk Customer: “Ehhhhhh hello?”

Me: “Sir, we are at closing time.”

Drunk Customer: “Oh… well, can I have a large cheese pizza and a cheeseburger?”

Me: “Sir, it is closing time. We’re done for the day. And we don’t serve burgers.”

Drunk Customer: “Okay, can you just…uuuhhhhh…make me a pizza really fast then?”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re closing.”

Drunk Customer: “COME ON! IT’S 10 PM, I’M HUNGRY, AND ALL I WANT IS A PIZZA!”

Me: “Sir, it’s 10:01. We are closed.”

Drunk Customer: *unusually calm* “Okay…I’ll go to McDonald’s.”

Me: “Good night, sir.”

Drunk Customer: “Good night…I love you…” *hangs up*

(Quite frankly, it made my day.)

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Pepperoni And A Side Of Dentures, Please

, | | Right | April 13, 2008

Me: “[Pizza place], what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’d like a large cheese pizza.”

Me: “Great. Anything else for you today?”

Customer: “Um…yeah. Could you undercook that? Most of the people eating the pizza don’t have teeth.”

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One Slice Short Of A Pizza

, | | Right | February 14, 2008

Customer: “I need 6 frozen pizzas as big as tires!”

Me: “I don’t think we sell pizza that big, sir…”

Customer: “Oh come on! I’ve got two flats and only one spare and I don’t wanna call a tow-truck!”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that won’t work…”

Customer: “Fine! Be ridiculous! I’m going somewhere else! If Tom Slick could do it, why can’t I?”

Manager: “Holy crap! Sometimes I swear these idiots do these things on purpose!”

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So This Is Why People Have Kids

, | | Right | January 18, 2008

(It’s Christmas Eve and there is a long line of customers who are now waiting to pay. A little girl cuts to the front while I am giving a guy a drink refill.)

Little girl’s mom (LGM), to the refill guy: “UGH! Did you just cut her?”

(LGM smacks the guy in head; surprisingly, he just walks off with his soda.)

Me: “What can I get you?”

LGM: “Don’t ask me, ask her! She’s your customer; you should be asking her. God, it’s people like you who ruin the holidays!”

Me, to the little girl: “Okay, what would you like?”

(The little girl just stares blankly at me while customers are becoming pissed.)

LGM, coming clean: “Just give me a Diet Pepsi. It’s for me.”

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Listen For The Manager At The End

, | | Right | January 9, 2008

(I work at a well known pizza chain; let’s call it Daddy Jim’s.)

Customer: “I’d like a large sausage and ham pizza and a large Italian Meats Trio.”

Me: “Alright, your total is $**.**. We’ll have it out there in about 45 minutes.”

(An hour later as I arrive back from the delivery, the store receives a phone call from the same customer.)

Customer: “Yeah, hi. I ordered an Italian Meats Trio pizza, and you guys got it wrong.”

Me: “How did we get it wrong?”

Customer: “Well, it has sausage, ham, and some other sh*t on it.”

Me: “Is the ham kind of orange?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Is the sausage peppered and brownish-orange?”

Customer: “Uh….yeah.”

Me: “Is the other stuff salami?”

Customer: “Yeah! What the hell?”

Me: “Well, the orange ham is Italian ham, the sausage is Italian sausage, and you say there’s Italian salami.”

Customer: “Yeah, so what?”

Me: “That’s three Italian meats…Italian Meats Trio.”

Customer: “Well if I had known that, I wouldn’t have ordered a sausage and ham pizza too!”

Me: “Well maybe you should have some idea of what you’re ordering before you order it.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you guys tell me?!”

Me: “Because you ordered it. You didn’t ask about it.”

Customer: *click*

My Loud Manager: “F*cking morons! I hate this job!”

 

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