(I work at a national pizza chain. We get the most random requests from customers.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing your local [Town] [National Pizza Chain]. Will this be carryout or delivery?”

Customer: “Delivery… but… um… can I make a request?”

Me: “Sure! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I want two pizzas, but… I only want one cooked.”

Me: “So… you want an uncooked pizza? Like… raw?”

Customer: “Yeah, um… My wife hates the way your ovens make the pizza taste. She wants to cook hers here, at home.”

Me: “Okay, well, I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t sell you uncooked food. It’s against health codes. We could get shut down.”

Customer: “But… I’ve done this before. Many times. I know the general manager. Just tell him who it’s for and he’ll tell you it’s okay.”

Me: “I’m positive he won’t; I’m also positive you’ve never gotten a raw pizza from us. As I said, it’s against health code policies. If someone here had ever sold you an uncooked pizza, we wouldn’t be in business anymore.”

Customer: “Huh. We’ll see about that. I’m calling corporate and reporting you for not giving the customer what they ask for. What was your name again?”

Me: “That’s fine, sir, but I’m sure they will tell you the same thing. My name is [My Name] and have a great day!”

(He ended up calling corporate, and my general manager asked to speak to me the next day. He had an email from the head at corporate praising how I had handled the situation and telling how much of a valued employee I am.)

(I’m the only delivery driver working an unusually busy weekday lunch shift. At one point, I end up taking out four orders at once. It’s a small town, so I’m able to reach them all just within the allotted time, but the third customer didn’t tell us he would be paying with a $50 bill, so by the time I get to the last stop, I’m almost entirely out of change. When I arrive and the customer opens the door, the place REEKS of alcohol.)

Me: “Hi there, sir. Your total is [total], and I’m really sorry for the inconvenience, but just to let you know, the last guy pretty well cleaned me out of change. Were you—“

Customer: *yelling* “What do you mean, ‘out of change’? You f****** b****, you’d better have my change!”

Me: *stepping back* “Well, I’ve got two dollars right now–” *this would leave me with about a $5 tip* “–but if you—“

Customer: “Two f****** dollars? The f*** you trying to pull, you lying little b****! You trying to scam me out of my money?! I’ll kick your f****** a**!”

(By this point, I’m physically shaking. Then, he opens the door all the way and starts out toward me. I turn and RUN back to my car, with him screaming obscenities after me. When I get back to the store, I’m still shaken up, on top of being nervous that I’ll get in trouble for not making the delivery. I walk in with the undelivered pizza and my manager turns and sees me almost in tears.)

Manager: “Are you okay?”

Me: “Yeah, but that last guy is probably going to call and complain.”

Manager: “The guy on [Street #1]?”

Me: “Yeah, [Street #2] paid with a fifty and cleaned me out of change. I was hoping he’d have exact change or be okay leaving the rest as a tip, but if not, I was going to offer to come back here and bring him back his change and a free two-liter for the trouble. But he didn’t let me explain; he just started screaming, and then he came at me like he was going to hit me, so I ran.”

Manager: “Jeez. Yeah, he called here cussing up a storm just before you got back. He said you were trying to scam him and wouldn’t give him his food, but you’re about the last person I’d expect to try something like that. When he started swearing, I just hung up. From what you said, I’m adding him to the ‘no deliveries’ list now.”

(Bonus: I got to keep the pizza he didn’t give me a chance to deliver. Free lunch!)

(I work at a small public library. This is a phone conversation.)

Me: “Public library, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you have [Specific Book]?”

(I search the card catalog and discover we have a copy on the shelf.)

Me: “We apparently have a copy on the shelf.”

Customer: “Great! I’d like to come and pick it up.”

Me: “All right. Would you like me to make sure it’s here before you head in?”

Customer: “Sure, that would be great.”

(I go to the shelf, quickly find the book, and return to the desk.)

Me: “All right, I have the book. Can I have your name to reserve it, and when will you be in the pick it up?”

Customer: *gives me his name* “We are eating at the [Pizza Place] right now, so I’ll be there in about an hour.”

(The [Pizza Place] is literally next door to the library.)

Me: “Yummy! I’m totally jealous. Well, enjoy your food and I’ll see you in a bit. I’ll keep the book at the desk for you.”

Customer: “Great, thank you!”

(About an hour later, a man and woman come in. The man is carrying a [Pizza Place] box. I immediately grab the book, figuring it has to be the same person I spoke with.)

Me: “Hi! Are you [Customer], here to pick up [Specific Book]?”

Customer: “I am. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it!”

Me: “No problem; I’m here to help.”

(I go through the process of checking out the book and give it to the customer.)

Me: “Have a great night!”

Customer: *puts the pizza box down on the desk* “Here, this is for you!”

(I just look at him, shocked.)

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You were so helpful, and my wife and I wanted to thank you, so we got you a pizza. It’s just cheese; we weren’t sure what you liked.”

(I’m not sure what to say. Usually, the most anyone ever does is say thank you, if I’m lucky.)

Me: “You didn’t have to do that. Thank you so much!”

Customer: “It’s the least we could do. My son needs this book for a school project and waited until the last moment; you saved the day.”

Me: “Well, I’m glad to help!”

(Thank you, sir! You made my day.)

(I am making a free pizza and soda delivery at 11:00 pm at the farthest destination on our route map. I get out of the car and carry the pizza as two dogs rush over.)

Me: “Uh… Okay.” *gets to the door and delivers the free pizza*

Customer: “Oh, thank you! Gosh, here’s $10 for your long drive out here!”

Me: “No problem!” *starts to leave*

Little Dog: *starts barking at my reflection on my car*

Big Dog: *starts barking and attempts to bite me, thanks to the little dog*

Me: *runs back to the front door as the dogs growl at me while I’m on the porch*

Customer: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “Could you walk me to my car? Your dog tried to bite me.”

Customer: “Oh, please! My dog doesn’t bite!” *proceeds to defend her dog as she walks me to my car* “I should ask for my tip back for that, or at least half!” *laughs*

(I’m trying to check a customer out in the lobby when the phone rings. I answer it to place them on hold while I get the customer his change so he can leave.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]; could you please hold?”

Caller: “Yes, I would like to order some pizzas.”

Me: “Yes, but could you please hold for a moment?”

Caller: “I’m sorry, what?”

Me: “Could you please hold?”

Caller: “Um…”

Me: “Could you please hold…”

Caller: “You want my address?”

Me: “No, can you hold, please?”

Caller: “My address is—“

Me: “No, ma’am, I really need you to hold.”

Caller: “Oh, okay, I guess…”

(I place her on hold and grab another customer’s pizza and the first one’s change.)

Customer In Lobby: “She really didn’t want to hold, did she?”

Me: “Not the first person like that today.”

(The guy gave me a nice tip even though he had to wait several minutes longer than he should have.)