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As Long As It’s Not Spongebob And Sandy

| Romantic | November 23, 2011

(My boyfriend and I have only been together for a few months, but we’ve known each other for over a decade. As we are settling down for the night, the topic of baby names comes up.)

Me: “I think, with your last name, I like flower names for girls. Lily, or Rose!”

Boyfriend: “Aw, well, if we have a Lily, we need to name our son Phil, so we can have Phil and Lil!”

Me: “…”

Boyfriend: “That’s right, I brought Rugrats into this.”

Me: “This was a beautiful moment, and you ruined it!”

Boyfriend: “YES! SCORE!”

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Hell Hath No Fury Like An Ex Scorned

| Romantic | November 23, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are both divorced parents who have gone through some pretty bitter battles with our ex-spouses. I’m attempting to set up a Facebook account for him over the phone.)

Me: “Okay, I need the answer to your security question.”

Boyfriend: “What’s the question?”

Me: “Where did you spend your honeymoon?”

(At this point, I get a little annoyed, because I hate to be reminded they were once happy.)

Boyfriend: “I dunno, Hell?” *laughs a bit* “I forgot what I put down.”

(I remember the actual location, so I go ahead and enter it. It doesn’t work.)

Me: “Okay, it wouldn’t let me in when I answered it.”

Boyfriend: “I dunno then…”

(Being bored, I give his joke/answer a try.)

Me: “Oh my god.”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “You actually answered ‘Hell’ to that question?!”

Boyfriend: *cracks up laughing*

(At least we feel the same way about our exes!)

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Caution: Children At Play

| Romantic | November 22, 2011

Me: “Okay, baby, you hang up!”

Boyfriend: “No, YOU hang up!”

Me: “No, YOU hang up!”

Boyfriend: “Okay!” *click!*

Me: “…”

(My boyfriend calls right back, laughing hysterically.)


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Amanda Bug-Out-And-Miss

| Romantic | November 18, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are sitting at home. He gets a call from a number he doesn’t know.)

Boyfriend: “Hello?”

Caller: “Why are you doing this to Amanda?”

Boyfriend: “Excuse me, what?”

Caller: “Stop the ****. This is your sister, and I’m sitting here with Amanda and she’s really pissed at you. Come back…”

(She goes on for awhile about Amanda and her boyfriend. My boyfriend has long since put this on speaker so we can both listen to his “sister’s” rant.)

Boyfriend: “I don’t know any Amandas. And my girlfriend is sitting right here with me. Who are you looking for?”

(For the next few moments, the two women on the phone scream at my boyfriend about how they knew he was cheating on Amanda and how they’re “gonna get” him.)

Boyfriend: “My name is John [last name].”

Caller: “Oh…” *pauses* “Not John [different last name]?”

Boyfriend: “Promise.”

Caller: *hangs up*

(My boyfriend and I sit there for a little, shocked. Finally, I speak up.)

Me: “If you ever meet anyone named Amanda, run away.”

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In Lieu Of A Refund, Exchanges Are Also Accepted

| Romantic | November 17, 2011

(I’m on the phone with my new girlfriend and am inviting her to go to prom.)

Me: “So, do you want to go with me?”

Girlfriend: “How much are the tickets?”

Me: “$65, but that includes dinner and dessert.”

Girlfriend: “Wow, that’s a lot. Can you ask about the refund policy?”

Me: “What?”

Girlfriend: “Well, I mean, there’s a chance we’ll break up between now and then. And I don’t want to be out that much money.”

Me: *speechless*

(We did end up breaking up before prom because she cheated on me.)

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