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Problem With The Mother Board

| Related | February 4, 2012

(I am living away from home at university. I am in my flat, when I receive a phone call from my mum.)

Me: “Hey mum, are you alright?”

Mum: “I need your help sorting the computer out. The internet has stopped working.”

(I instantly know what’s wrong. My mum often accidentally pulls out the internet cable without realising.)

Me: “That’s fine. I think I know what the problem is, as it’s happened before. Just look behind the CPU, and-”

Mum: “I’m busy putting dinner out. You can’t just expect me to come away from what I’m doing to sort the computer out for you!”

Me: “Mum, you rung me to ask for my help. We’ve been on the phone less than a minute.”

Mum: “And?”

Me: “You rung me to ask for help sorting the computer out, whilst you we’re putting dinner out, and are having a go at me for trying to help?!”

Mum: “I can’t be bothered arguing with you.” *hangs up*

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My Boyfriend Is A Lunar-tic

| Romantic | February 2, 2012

(I receive a voicemail from my long-distance boyfriend.)

Boyfriend: “…and I just wanted to say hi on my drive home, and—Oh! You should look at the moon! It is so big and beautiful! It makes me think of you, because you’re beautiful, not because you’re big. You’re not big! Oh, crap.”

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Phone Lines Are Stronger Than Family Lines

| Related | January 16, 2012

(My brother and I are the only siblings in the family.)

Me: *calling home* “Hi, is Dad there?”

Brother: “Who is it, please?”

Me: *pause* “Rebecca?”

Brother: “Who? Oh, wait. Yeah, he’s here.”

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Love Transcends All Dimensions

| Romantic | December 22, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are conversing while he walks to his car.)

Boyfriend: “It doesn’t count as time travel, unless it’s at a rate other than one second per second.”

Me: “But, that’s the only kind I know how to do!”

Boyfriend: “Me too! That’s why we’re so close!”

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A Concrete Excuse

| Romantic | December 9, 2011

(My husband works as the surveyor for a huge infrastructure project. I call him at work, while he is out in the field.)

Me: “Hey, do you want me to see if I can get a sitter for tomorrow night? We haven’t done date night in a long time.”

Husband: “Huh? Yeah, sure.”

Me: “Where do you want to go for dinner? I have a sexy new dress I think you’re going to like.”

(There’s no answer from my husband, but I can hear him muttering something about concrete.)

Me: “Hello? Hello! What are you doing?”

Husband: “Nothing. So, yeah, um, that sounds nice. Wait, what did you say?”

Me: “You know, you could at least pretend that you’re listening.”

Husband: “I am pretending!”

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