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Business Must Be Slow

, , , | Right | April 9, 2011

Me: “Hello, you’re through to [phone company]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I’ve just tried to top up my phone and it won’t work. Can you put it back on?”

Me: “Sorry, that number is now cancelled. It cannot be reactivated as it has been recycled.”

Customer: *horrified* “How dare you! That number belongs to me! It is absolutely vital I get that number back. It is my business number! You people are costing me money and putting my livelihood at risk! I’ll sue! This is a disgrace!”

Me: “Madam, that number has been disconnected from your account for seven years. It has been used by two other customers since you last had it.”

Customer: *click*


This story is part of the Very Wrong Customers roundup!

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Directionless Call, Part 2

, , , , | Right | November 20, 2010

Me: “Hello, this is [Company].”

Caller: “Hi, who just called me?”

Me: “I’m not sure. You’ve reached general reception.”

Caller: “Well, someone just called me from this number.”

Me: “Sorry, but there’s no way for me to tell who called you, as this is the general number.”

Customer: “What are you?”

(I explain the company.)

Customer: “I didn’t understand anything about what you just said. Why did you call me?”

Me: “It could be a wrong number.”

Customer: “Ugh, fine. Stop wasting my time by calling me if you don’t know who you are, please!”

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Directionless Call

, , , , | Right | October 31, 2010

Me: *answering phone* “How may I direct your call?”

*silence*

Me: “Hello?”

(After repeating this a few times, I hear fumbling on the other end.)

Caller: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, sir. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong number.”

Me: “But… you called me.”


This story is part of our Hilarious Wrong Number roundup!

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I Can’t Hear Myself Think

, , , , , | Right | September 2, 2010

(It’s late at night, right before closing, when the phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Auto Parts Store]. Can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I bought a car stereo from you all a few months ago, and I didn’t really like it so I gave it to my son.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “Well, he didn’t like it either, so he gave it to our neighbors across the street.”

Me: “Okay…?”

Caller: “They put it in their car and right now it’s sitting in their driveway with the doors open and they’re playing their music really loud!”

Me: “Yes… Well, what do you want me to do?”

Caller: “I need you to come over here and tell them to turn it down!”

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Murder, She Wrote

, , , , | Right | September 2, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Gas Station]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you shoot guns?”

Me: “Uh… what?”

Customer: “Well, I know your gas station hires some athletic young men and I was wondering if you knew anything about guns?”

Me: “Actually, I do know a decent amount about guns and shooting.”

Customer: “If you threw a gun in the air and shot it with another gun, would it explode?”

Me: “Wait, what? Why?”

Customer: “Oh, well, in the book I’m writing, the sheriff is fighting the robber on the balcony of the theatre, and the robber’s gun flies into the air and the sheriff shoots it. Would it explode or hurt anyone?”

Me: “Well, it probably wouldn’t explode, but it would probably discharge either when struck by the bullet or when it hits the ground.”

Customer: “Would it hit someone?”

Me: “You’re the author, ma’am.”

Customer:  “Oh, thank you very much!  I’ll send you a copy when it’s published!”

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