I work in a hotel. A couple of weeks ago, most of the power was out on our side of the state. The power company had released a statement saying that power likely wouldn’t be restored for four days, so people were freaking out and flocking to hotels. [Energy Company] workers were coming in from other states just to help get power restored, so we had a ton of them.

The phone rang nonstop. I was alone with a lobby full of people, selling rooms by the second. I had three “hold” buttons, meaning I could put three people on hold at any one time. All night, I regularly had three people on hold and more still calling in. I started having to ask people to call back in fifteen minutes.

And since people can be impatient, it was a total s***show. This was one of the most annoying and entitled calls of the night.

We’d just sold out of pet-friendly rooms — AND the five rooms we occasionally use for overflow when people need pet-friendly rooms and none are available.

This woman calls me.

Caller: “I need a room, and I’ll have my dogs with me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re sold out of pet-friendly rooms.”

Caller: “Okay? Well, I’m not leaving my dogs at home.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but like I said, we don’t have any more pet-friendly rooms available. You could try asking around at other hotels in the area.”

Caller: “You’re not going to do anything about it?”

Me: “Ma’am. We don’t have any more pet rooms.”

Caller: “Thanks for the sympathy! God!”

And then she hung up on me. Lady. Your dogs will be fine in the dark for a couple of days. What is the issue here? What is not connecting in your brain?

I just stood with the phone to my ear for a second trying to figure out what had gone wrong. Your dogs will snuggle up and go to sleep. They’re not going to croak because your power is out for a few days at the end of March.

Related:
A Most Inhospitable Hospitality Interaction

I recently retired from working in a zoo for over twenty years, and this is still the one interaction I will never forget.

Guest: “Excuse me. Do you have a list of all the animals in the zoo that only mate for life?”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t categorize them based on that… aspect, ma’am.”

Guest: “I only want my children to see the animals that stay together until death do they part. I’m trying to raise them with Christian values.”

Me: “Uh… the animals aren’t religious, ma’am.”

Guest: “I know that! I’m not stupid! But the last thing I need is for them to fall in love with an animal that’s also a complete sl*t! Can you circle all the animals on the map here that I’m safe to take my kids to see?”

She hands me a park map and I start circling some animals that — as far as I am aware — do actually mate for life. I hand them back.

Me: “I’m not an expert on every animal here, so I am not sure if this is comprehensive. You’ll get better information from the zoo guides you’ll see around the zoo.”

Guest: *Looking at the map* “Oh, you circled penguins! We’re not seeing those; I heard they’re gay now. And you didn’t circle the lions? Why?”

Me: “Uh… Well, we only have the one male lion, and he… kinda… well… has all the females to himself.”

Guest: “What?! That’s disgusting! How can you let them do that?!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but who’s gonna go in and stop them?”

Guest: “But that’s not how they did it in The Lion King!”

Me: “Ma’am, those lions could also sing and dance.”

Guest: “Ugh! Fine.”

She wanders off, grumbling loudly. 

Guest: “Noah should have kept some of these animals out of the ark!”

I’m picking up my dog from daycare.

Me: “Hi, I’m here to pick up [Dog].”

Worker: “Okay, and can I confirm breed and color?”

I provide that information but also say:

Me: “You should have that information on file. What happened?” *Laughs* “Did you misplace him?”

The worker looks embarrassed.

Me: “Wait… you’re kidding?”

Worker: “Well, we didn’t misplace any… per se?”

They look like they’re about to continue, but instead, they leave that statement just hanging.

Me: “Aaaaand?!”

Worker: “Well, someone left the side door open to the play area, and some of them got out into the street. We managed to get them all back in, though!”

Me: “Oh… that’s worrying, but I’m glad you got them all back.”

Worker: “But afterward, we ended up with more dogs than when we started, so we’re double-checking with clients.”

Me: “…”

I did not take my dog back there again!

Customer: “Do you have non-toxic spray paint? Like body paint?”

Me: “You mean paint that is suitable for skin?”

Customer: “Yeah, something like that, but I need to spray it on my dog.”

Me: “Your dog?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need to spray my phone number on his coat. He’s always breaking out, and he hates wearing collars…”

I just stare blankly.

Customer: “Yeah, I know… We spoil him.”

I see a woman with her crying son, maybe five or six years old, in one of our aisles. She is crouching down, moving items out of the way.

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “It’s my son! He’s lost Mouse! He’s so distraught!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you telling me there is a mouse loose in our store?! That’s a health risk, and we need to—”

Customer: “No! You don’t have a mouse loose in your store!”

Me: “Oh…”

Customer: “Mouse is a snake.”

It turned out that she thought that was “better” and also that her kid sucks at naming animals.

“Mouse” was eventually found, and the customer was advised that it was probably best that her son not be walking around with a snake in the hood of his hoodie when out grocery shopping.

Related:
My Family And Other Animals, Part 13
My Family And Other Animals, Part 12
My Family And Other Animals, Part 11
My Family And Other Animals, Part 10
My Family And Other Animals, Part 9