I’m helping a customer choose the right collar for their large dog. Another customer approaches us and talks to my customer.
Customer #2: “How did you get your dog to be so big?”
Customer #1: “He’s a Great Dane.”
Customer #2: *Waves to the dog* “Hi, Dane! You’re great!” *Turns back to the customer* “So, how did you get him to be so big? Is there like a special food or something?”
Years ago, when pet shops still sell actual animals, a woman walks in with her young daughter, maybe six or seven years old. They’re looking at the litters of puppies we have in the store and the mother is cooing over them, but the daughter looks uninterested.
Me: “Are you interested in buying a puppy?”
Mother: “Yes! My daughter needs convincing, though, so I wanted her to see how cute they all are.”
Daughter: “I want a spider! Do you sell tarantulas?”
Mother: *To me* “You see my problem?”
Me: “Well… we don’t sell tarantulas, but we do have books on how to look after them. It might show you that there’s quite a lot of work in the upkeep of exotic pets like those.”
Mother: *To her daughter* “You see, darling? It’s a lot of work to look after a spider!”
Daughter: “But I go find the spiders in the garden shed all the time! They don’t need any looking after!”
Mother: “Fine. Let’s go and find an empty jar, and you can get your ‘pet’ from the garden, and I can save me some money!”
And she left with her daughter.
An elderly couple comes into our pet store.
Man: “We need to get a hat for our granddaughter’s pet. We’re visiting her across the country for the first time, and this is what we’ve been asked to bring for her birthday.”
Woman: “So silly to get a hat for an animal. But if that’s what she wants…”
Me: “Well, we have a decent selection. Is this for a dog?”
Man: “I… I actually don’t know.”
Woman: “You don’t know? Doesn’t [Granddaughter] make you say hello to the thing every time you FaceTime?”
Man: “I don’t really pay attention. She’s always calling when I’m watching the golf, so…”
Woman: “Well, it has to be a dog… right?”
Man: “You mean you don’t know, either?”
Woman: “I always thought it was a cat. It makes such high-pitched noises.”
She turns to me.
Woman: “Do cats wear hats?”
Me: “Sometimes, but it’s far more common on dogs since they’re usually more amenable to wearing clothes.”
Man: “Shall we call her?”
Woman: “I’m not calling her to ask if her pet is a cat or a dog!”
Me: “Do you perhaps have any pictures of the pet?”
Man: “I think so! Let me check!”
He managed to find an image of the creature that might have been a cat or a dog.
It was a parrot.
A customer is browsing our aquarium.
Customer: “I want some of these fish, but I can’t see the price tags.”
Me: “The prices are listed here on the tank, ma’am.”
Customer: “Oh, all the fish are the same price?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am.”
Customer: “I was looking for little price tags on their fins or something.”
Me: “…”
Some years ago, some acquaintances got two hamsters for their kids. The pet shop assured them that they were the same sex, but after a while, there was a litter of little pink hamsterlings in the cage.
At this point, the adults were renamed to “KateOrBob” and “BobOrKate” until they worked out which was which. Rodent reproduction being what it is, there was another litter on the way by the time they managed to get Bob away from Kate.
The pet shop, being somewhat embarrassed by their mistake, sold the hamster pups for them.
