Reason 47 Why Cats Are Like People

, , , , | Right | June 25, 2020

I work at a pet supply store, and on one wall there are some kennels that hold cats the local shelter has for adoption. People who come in constantly walk past the cats just to say hi, regardless of whether they’re looking to adopt.

One day, it’s rather hot in the store, as the climate control is broken. Suddenly, a customer comes up to my register, looking worried.

Customer: “I think there’s something wrong with one of the cats. He’s on his back, and his eyes are rolled up in his head.”

I finished ringing the customers in line through and rushed over to the kennels so I could make sure there was nothing wrong with the cat. Sure enough, there was an orange and white cat on its back, eyes rolled up in its head, and lips twitching a little. I was worried the poor thing might have heat stroke due to the temperature of the store.

The second the key entered the lock, though, kitty was upright and looking around intently, wondering what was going on, with not a single sign of anything wrong.

We all started laughing a little as I gave him a quick check just in case. His temperature was fine, and he was enjoying the attention he was getting as I made sure he was okay.

Kitty wasn’t sick at all, just a really weird sleeper.

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You Want This Discount Or Not?

, , , , , | Right | June 11, 2020

Our store usually puts up our sale tags the night before a sale to keep us from staying late or having to come in early the next day and ruining payroll. This often causes some confusion at the register, but we always fix to the advertised price, even a day early. We also know full well what products are on sale and what their prices are. We’re preparing for our end-of-summer sale, which includes 10% off many of our higher-end brands of dog food, but none of them are anywhere near $100. A customer comes up to the till.

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

Customer: “What did [Expensive Food] ring up as?”

Me: “It rang up as originally being [price], but took [amount] off for this cycle’s sale.”

Customer: “The tag said [price $10 lower].”

Me: “Okay, let me check the price list.”

Customer: “It must for the sale you’ve got. You have to give it to me at that price.”

Me: “I understand that, but I need to check on the price. We have a list of the upcoming prices up here.”

After looking, I see that, while the product IS going to be on sale, the price difference is nowhere near the $10 and, in fact, the price from the current sale cycle is lower than that of the following cycle. I explain this to the customer, but he only insists further. I see the manager walk by and ask her what to do. In order to get the guy to shut up, she allows me to change the price to $6 below the original non-sale price, with the $4 from the current sale still being taken off.

Me: “Okay, that’ll now be [new price].”

Customer: *looking smug* “That’s better.”

The customer pays and starts on his way but looks at the receipt and sees what he feels to be an issue. To be fair, our receipts have a weird way of printing sales and discounts at the bottom of the receipt, rather than paired with the item itself, but they have the item number tagged along with the discount amount.

Customer: “This still isn’t right.”

I know exactly what the issue is.

Me: “Okay, let me take a look at it.”

Customer: “See? You charged me [price adjusted for discount]; it should be [lower price].”

Me: “Well, yes, I understand that, but it took that discount off down here; it shows at this black bar.”

Customer: “Well, I still don’t see how that changes anything.”

Me: “Okay, you bought [Food] originally at [price], which we marked down to [lower price], and then you bought [clearance item] at [price], which totals [amount]. Add in the tax, and you get [ total].”

Customer: *Cutting me off* “See?”

Me: *continuing* “And then we took the remainder of the cost from [Food] here at this black bar.”

The customer then just grabbed the receipt and walked off grumbling that it “still doesn’t make any sense.”

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You Can’t Price Match This Much Entitlement

, , , , | Right | June 10, 2020

Our store used to price-match pretty much every other price out there — online retailers and third-party sellers not included. Then, corporate completely changed that practice, restricting our matching policy to stores within ten miles with proof of price such as a receipt, an ad, or the website.

Some customers — usually the elderly or those who don’t have smartphones — ask cashiers to look up prices, but corporate said that takes up too much time so they stopped that, as well.

Another associate asked if we could hang signs at the registers, but that idea was vetoed because it seemed “too aggressive.” To top it all off, when customers get upset, we can only tell them “it’s policy” and apologize for the inconvenience.

I’m on register, scanning away and making small talk with a woman, when one of her items comes up. She is already on her phone.

Customer: “Could you price-match that for me?”

I am thinking she has a price on her phone.

Me: “Sure, which store and how much?”

Customer: “Umm, you tell me.”

Me: “Ah. I’m sorry, it’s—”

Customer: *Suddenly angry* “You don’t price-match anymore?”

Me: “We do! It’s just that I can’t look them up for you anymore.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Corporate policy change. We do apologize for the inconvenience during this time of transition.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. You’re so lazy!”

Me: “I’m just doing my job, ma’am.”

Customer: “Let’s see if you still have a job after I talk to your manager.”

Me: “Ma’am, I—”

Customer:Call her, you idiot!

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

I call the manager over the loudspeaker, who calls back on the register phone.

Manager: “I’m on the forklift. What’s up?”

Me: “I have a customer who would like to speak to you about the price-matching policy changes.”

Manager: *Sighs* “Just… just do it. Explain you’re making an exception this one time. I gotta go.” *Hangs up*

Customer: “Well? Where is she?”

Me: “She’s currently on a forklift. I have her permission to—”

Customer: “I want to talk to her, not you. Do you understand?”

Me: “I do but she’s tied up right now. She said I can make an exception this time and—”

Customer: “And do your job?”

Me: *Through my teeth* “—and look this up for you, but it’s technically not allowed anymore.”

Customer: *Sarcastic* “I didn’t realize you needed special permission to do your job. Gosh!”

Me: “Would you like me to look this up for you?”

Customer: “Forget it! You’re wasting my time!”

After all that fuss, the woman stormed out without buying a single thing. She did, however, call and email corporate several times over the next few days to express her disdain for my attitude and how lazy and disrespectful I was. She got a gift card for her troubles, and I got pulled into the office to discuss my customer service skills. I quit not long after.

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Who Is The Fish Out Of Water Here?

, , , , , | Right | June 9, 2020

I’m working in the aquatics department at a popular local pet store when a gentleman carrying a small container with a Betta fish comes up to me.

Customer: “Hi. This is my wife’s fish and she thinks there’s something wrong with it. She’s worried it may be sick.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Let me take a look.” 

I observe the fish which is alive but clearly inflicted with fin rot and is floating near the bottom of the container.

Me: “Well, it looks like he has some fin rot going on.”

Customer: “That doesn’t sound good. Is there any medicine I can buy for him?”

Me: “Yes, there is. It’s called [Brand]. It will really help with healing his fins and getting him healthy again. Let me get some for you.” 

I’m about to walk away when the man’s wife calls on his cell phone.

Customer: “Wait! I think you should speak with my wife, since this is her fish.”

Me: “Sure.”

I get on the phone.

Me: “Hello?”

Customer’s Wife: “Hello, my name is [Wife] and I want you to look at my fish and tell me what you think is wrong with him.”

Me: “Well, it looks like his fins are damaged by fin rot and—”

Customer’s Wife: “I don’t understand how he could have gotten that. I change his water all the time and I clean his gravel. I just don’t understand. I’ve had him for a year and he’s like a baby to me. Is there medicine for him?”

Me: “Yes, it’s called [Brand] and—”

Customer’s Wife: *Angrily* “No! No, I do not want to use that. I’m on your website right now and I’m reading reviews about it and it doesn’t seem like a good product. What about [Other Brand]? Would that work?”

Me: “[Other Brand] is for different types of fish. I wouldn’t recommend it. I think you should use [Brand] because it is specifically for the treatment of Betta fish.”

Customer’s Wife: “Okay, fine, whatever you think. You’re the expert!” *Hangs up*

Customer: “What did she say?”

Me: “Well, she is definitely concerned about her fish and she wants me to make sure it’s getting the right medicine. I suggested [Brand] and I think that’s our best option.”

Customer: “Okay, do you think you can treat it for me so I don’t mess it up?” 

Me: “Sure, it’s an easy procedure and I can show you step by step how to do everything.”

Customer: “Wonderful, that would be great.”

Then, his wife calls his cell phone again and asks to speak with me. I get on the phone.

Me: “Hello?”

Customer’s Wife: “So, did you figure out which medicine to give him?”

Me: “Yes, I think [Brand] will be the best medicine for your Betta. Your husband wants me to go ahead and treat him. I will show him the directions for the Betta’s treatment.”

Customer’s Wife: “Well, how much medicine do you have to give him? I’m looking online and I’m trying to figure out the dosage.”

Me: “The bottle for the medicine says twelve drops per pint. How big is the Betta’s container?”

Customer’s Wife: *Angrily* Oh, I don’t know! A gallon? A half-gallon? I don’t know!”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t treat him if I don’t know how much water is in his container.”

Customer’s Wife: *Getting frustrated* “Well, you have to treat him! You don’t understand. He is like a baby to me. I’ve lost a lot of loved ones these past couple months and I can not deal with losing my fish. You have to do something!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry for your losses and I understand your concern, but I am really limited with what I can do to help your fish since I don’t know how much water is in his container.”

Customer’s Wife: *Getting more frustrated* “Okay, well let’s say he is in a half-gallon container. How many drops would he need then?”

Me: “Umm…” *Trying to calculate*

Customer’s Wife: *Getting impatient* “How about this? How about you get someone else on the phone who is better at math, because I need to know so my fish survives. I don’t mean to insult you, honey, but clearly, you can’t figure it out. In fact, give me your fax number so I can send your manager the calculations.”

I do not know how to respond to the insult so I just politely give her the fax number.

Customer’s Wife: “Thank you. Hopefully, one of you over there can figure it out. This fish is important to me. I bought him at your other store across town, but I won’t hold them accountable for my fish getting sick. However, I am holding you responsible for my fish if he dies from improper medicine dosage.” *Hangs up*

I am in total shock and the man notices.

Customer: “Everything all right?”

Me: “To be honest, sir, I am a little afraid to treat your fish. Your wife was just telling me she is making me responsible if her fish dies. I can’t be held responsible for anything like that. We can try to figure out the dosage, but I can’t treat him for you.”

The customer puts his hand on my shoulder.

Customer: “I understand. I’ll buy the medicine and I’ll figure it out.”

Me: “Thanks, sir. I’m sorry I couldn’t help more. I wish you the best of luck.”

Customer: “It’s all right. You did fine. Have a good night.”

Me: “You, too.”

The man pays for the medicine at the register and comes back to the aquatics department. He is on his cell phone with his wife. And she asks to speak with me. I get on the phone. Again.

Customer’s Wife: “Okay, now I’m getting angry. I did not tell you I was holding you responsible. All I asked for was for you to calculate how many drops of medicine my Betta needed. I need to speak with your manager! Give me her office number immediately!” 

Although I was very confused, I did not argue with her, and I gave her my manager’s office number. She hung up and her husband walked out of the store. My managers never received a call from the man’s wife.

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Don’t Have A Cow, Man, Part 4

, , , | Right | June 1, 2020

When someone asks why I hesitate to answer the phone at work, this is the story I tell.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “I need a cow.”

Me: “A… cow?”

Caller: *Scoffs* “Yeah, like moo. Horns, udders. A cow.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t sell cattle.”

Caller: “No. A cow.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t sell ‘a cow.’”

Caller: “Why not?”

Me: “We don’t house livestock. You could try an auction house; [Farming Company in the next town] might be able to direct you.”

Caller: “Well, you sell animals, right?”

Me: “We sell small animals. Rabbits, reptiles, rodents… not cattle.”

Caller: “That’s dumb.”

Me: “I’m sorry we don’t have what you’re looking for.”

Caller: “Why not?”

Me: *Fed up* “We don’t have a livestock license. We sell small pets, not large farm animals.”

Caller: “Well, how am I supposed to get a cow?”

Me: “As I said, there’s a farm supply store, or you could try an auction. I know there are farm shows going on all summer. Maybe ask a vet?”

Caller: “F*** you and your stupid store!” *Hangs up*

Related:
Don’t Have A Cow, Man, Part 3
Don’t Have A Cow, Man, Part 2
Don’t Have A Cow, Man

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