This Questionnaire Is Not Always Hopeless

, , , , | Working | June 19, 2017

(I’m applying online for a job at a chain pet supply store. There’s a pretty exhaustive application process, including a long list of statements you have to mark on a 1-5 scale from “strongly disagree” to “strongly agree.” Most are pretty typical for an entry-level retail job. For example, “I work best as part of a team” or “I appreciate constructive criticism from my superiors.” And then…)

Application Questionnaire: “When I look at the world around me, I feel little or no hope for mankind.”

(For the record, I marked “moderately disagree.” I never did hear back about that job, and not taking a screenshot of the question is one of my great regrets in life.)

Cat-ching On To Your Scheme

, , | Right | June 6, 2017

(I am at the register when a woman approaches with a large bag of dog food.)

Me: “Hi, do you have a [Membership] card?”

Customer: “No, and I don’t want one. Just ring me out.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I scan the UPC but it comes up as another item; a $4 cat food dish instead of a 35lb bag of dog food. I peel the sticker off and rescan.)

Customer: “Excuse me; what are you doing?”

Me: “Someone seems to have placed another tag over the original UPC. Your total is $58.29.”

Customer: “It rang up $4 so I’m not paying $60, and the shelf said $45!”

Me: “Well, since you didn’t buy a food dish, I can’t charge you for one. I can have someone check the shelf but if it said $45 for the [Membership] price, I can sign you up in, like, 30 seconds.”

Customer: “I want your manager.”

Me: “Sure.”

(While we wait for the manager to arrive, the woman huffs and complains that I should just give her the bag for $4 because that’s what I scanned, peppering her rant with insults about my job (“so easy a goddamn monkey could do it but somehow you’re too r******d”). I am looking at our website to see if the price she’s mentioned is an online sale.)

Manager: “What did you need?”

Me: “This cat dish tag was right over the UPC and I—”

Customer: “This b**** is trying to overcharge me! The sign says $45 but she’s charging me $55!”

Manager: “Okay, can you show me where you found it? Sometimes people put things in the wrong place. If that is the case, we can override the price for $45.”

Me: “It’s the [Membership] price.”

Customer: *to me* “No one is talking to you. Just shut up.” *to my manager* “She also scanned it once and it said $4! Are you going to honor that or do I have to call corporate?”

(I hand the $4 sticker to my manager. She looks at it, at me, and back to the customer.)

Manager: “Ma’am, did you put this sticker on the bag?”

Customer: “Are you accusing me of theft?!”

Manager: “No, ma’am, but I am asking if you know how this cheap item sticker from the other side of the store ended up perfectly aligned over the original UPC.”

Customer: “F*** ALL OF YOU! I AM NEVER COMING BACK HERE!”

(After the customer stormed out, my manager went back to the aisles and sure enough, there was a cat food dish matching the UPC without a barcode sticker… sitting where the dog food would have been on the shelf.)

Unfiltered Story #87851

, , | Unfiltered | June 3, 2017

Seemingly normal day. Customer 1’s husband was asking questions so I was answering him and ignoring her random mutterings. They chose a dog door. Later, the wife brings it back to exchange for a bigger size. Huge note here, we don’t keep customer information in our system. We never take addresses and our store will never call a customer unless asked.

Me: Sorry that one didn’t work, this one should be good though.

Customer: I guess its good for you because now I have to pay more money.

Me: It won’t be too much.

(Put in small item as a return, the system then prompts for a name, and then later a phone number.)

Me: Can I get your name for the return? (at this point the customer looks shocked and immediately raises her voice)

Customer: I’M NOT GIVING YOU MY NAME I HAD MY IDENTITY STOLEN

Me: I’m sorry, I just need a name for the return. Even a nickname.

Customer: I GOT MY IDENTITY STOLEN YOU DONT NEED ANYTHING

Me: We don’t use this information unless absolutely necessary, and it is rarely used. Company policy says that I need it to do your return.

Customer: YOU ARENT GETTING ANYTHING I HAD MY IDENTITY STOLEN (goes on saying random things and generally being angry)

Me: (looks at my manager) ok just… what do I even do here?

Customer 2: (after customer 1 leaves, customer 2 walks up with purchases, looking at me with eyebrows raised) well, that was a weird one.

(I have no idea why this crazy lady felt the need to yell at me in front of a lineup, when earlier I made sure to explain that returns require a name and number.)

Unfiltered Story #88988

, , | Unfiltered | June 1, 2017

(This happens way too often)

Me: If I can get you to sign here when you’re ready. (I set down the credit card receipt. As I go to get the customer’s receipt, I see that they are staring at me.) Uh, there are pens right here. (Motion to the pens, which are RIGHT beside where I set down the credit card receipt every time)

Their Fish Are About To Be Liquidated

| Austin, TX, USA | Right | May 25, 2017

(I am working the fish department when a customer comes up to me, smelling very strongly of marijuana. His eyes are bloodshot and his pattern of speech is a bit off.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me?”

Me: “Sure! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Do you have liquid food for fish? My baby fish are too small for normal food.”

Me: “Um, I really don’t think so since they would be breathing it in and that’s not good for them. But we can look?”

(I lead him to the fish food section.)

Me: “It doesn’t look like we do. What are you feeding the adult fish?”

Customer: “Flakes but they are too big!”

Me: “Maybe you could just crumble the food smaller for them?”

Customer: “You know what? That could work… Thank you!”

(Not sure how he thought fish were going to eat liquid food while they are floating in water.)

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