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Use Their Own Logic Against Them

, , , , | Right | December 11, 2023

I work in a pet store.

Customer: “I want all these fish!”

He gestures to a large aquarium we have on display.

Me: “That’s a lot of fish, sir. Are you sure you have an aquarium big enough for them?”

Customer: “I have a tank!”

Me: “With the equipment?”

Customer: “What equipment?! It’s just a glass box and water, ain’t it?”

Me: “Well, no, you’d need quite a bit more than that, such as an air pump, a filt—”

Customer: “Air pump?! Why do I need one of those?! Fish breathe water!”

Me: “The fish need oxygen, sir!”

Customer: “Fish don’t need air! They live in the water!”

Me: “You live in the air; I guess you don’t need water, then.”

Customer: “No… I… but…”

Me: “…”

Customer: *Storming out* “Fish breathe water!”

Someone Needs Behavior Training, And It’s Not The Dog

, , , , , , , | Right | December 4, 2023

I train dogs at a chain pet store. The customer pays for each six-week course, we do the lessons, and then we have a little graduation with diplomas. One woman brings her German Shepherd to class. The woman attends every class, writes down what feels like every word I say, and asks questions about everything. She stays after to pick my brain about training things not covered in class. (I should have charged it as a private lesson because it was outside the curriculum, but I didn’t.)

At the end of class, I hand out the diplomas. The woman waits until everyone is gone and then asks me to meet her at the register. I grab an enrollment form, thinking she’s going to enroll in the next classes. She pulls out her original paperwork.

Woman: “I’d like a refund.”

Me: “Um… Oh. Was something wrong?”

Woman: “Oh, no, honey. You were great. My landlord said I need to have proof of training, and he’ll reduce my monthly pet fee by $20. This dog eats a lot, so I need to save every penny.”

Me: “Uh-huh. Well, since there’s nothing wrong with the service, I can’t refund you.”

Woman: “What? Your policy says you will!”

Me: “If there’s something you’re not happy about. But—”

Woman: “I’m not happy about paying. So, get your manager or whatever you have to do. I’m not leaving until I get a refund.”

Me: “Okay…”

I walk to the manager’s office and explain what’s going on. Her jaw drops, but she comes out anyway.

Manager: “Hi. You want a refund on your classes?”

Woman: “Yes! Don’t worry; [My Name] was wonderful. I’ve never met someone who takes so much time and cares so much about a dog behaving. But you see, my landlord—”

Manager: “You need the diploma so your landlord will reduce your rent, right?”

Woman: “Yes!”

Manager: “Okay, give me all the paperwork.”

[Manager] processes the return and hands over the return receipt. I stand there, shocked and angry. Besides all my hard work going down the drain, I am going to have commissions deducted for the refund.

Manager: *To me* “Hand me the attendance sheet.” *To the woman* “What’s your dog’s name?”

Woman: “Cairo.”

Manager: “Do you have his diploma, or—”

Woman: “Right here!”

She holds it out to [Manager], who takes it from her.

Woman: “Oh, I need that for—”

[Manager] rips the diploma in half and then rips it again and again.

Woman: “Excuse me?! I paid for that!”

Manager: “And we refunded it. You got your money back, and we got our diploma back. Have a nice day.”

She pockets the shredded diploma.

Woman: “No! I need that! It’s proof!”

Manager: “If you’d like to pay for the classes, [My Name] will happily rewrite your diploma. Otherwise, we are done.”

The woman glared at [Manager], but she stood firm. The woman later complained to corporate that we had revoked her diploma but didn’t tell them why. After we explained, corporate sided with us.

The woman also left a one-star review on Yelp and Facebook. Her stupid story actually got a lot of people to come in and get their dogs enrolled in classes. So, while I lost her sale, I gained several more because of it.

It Takes A Fish (Or A School) To Help A Dog

, , , , | Friendly | November 23, 2023

I took my dog to the groomer at a pet supply store. We arrived ten minutes early, and they couldn’t take him yet.

That was okay because my poor old man has separation anxiety and has unfortunately never been socialized around other dogs, so he was shaking like a leaf and whimpering. To calm him down somewhat, I decided I’d take him around the store and let him explore all the stuff they had for sale.

He mostly ignored all the toys and the treats, but when we came to the fish department, he just became fascinated as h*** with the fish. We spent the ten minutes watching the fish swim around, and he calmed right down enough that there were no issues taking him into the groomer.

Related:
It Takes A Dog (Or Three) To Help A Dog

Pitch Black In Her Brain, Too

, , , | Right | November 20, 2023

I worked at a popular pet chain for six and a half years. One of the selling points and a major reason people shopped there was because of the excellent no-frills return policy. A lady came in one day with a reflective dog collar to return.

Lady: “I’d like to return this collar.”

Me: “Of course! Anything wrong with it?”

Lady: “Well… Do you need a light source for a reflective collar to light up?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Lady: “Because I was running my dog in our field the other night, and it was pitch black, and I couldn’t see him!”

Me: “…let me show you our light-up collars.”

When They’re Dumb As A Rock…

, , , | Right | November 19, 2023

Customer: “I’m looking for a pet.”

Me: “We really only sell pet supplies here. We’re not in the practice of selling animals as we have partnerships with several rescue centres.”

Customer: “You don’t sell any pets at all? I just need something small and low-maintenance.”

Me: “Well, our aquarium sells fish, but I wouldn’t call them low-maintenance due to the expensive setup required to adequately maintain them.”

Customer: “Ooh! Fish! Fish are pretty. Can I have one?”

This customer seems a bit… ditzy, but I entertain their request. I go through some of the simpler fish that require minimal setup.

Me: “As for food, this species—”

Customer: “No, no food. I want something low-maintenance.”

Me: “Yes, but you still have to feed them.”

Customer: “But why?”

Me: “Because… they’re animals.”

Customer: “No, they’re not! They’re fish!”

Me: “I don’t think I can help you.”

Customer: “I don’t want to do anything with them! I just want them to look pretty! Can’t you sell me something like that?”

I grab a rock from the bottom of an empty aquarium.

Me: “Here is a pet rock. You can have a pet rock.”

Customer: “What does it do?”

Me: “Absolutely f*** all, which is the same as what you intend to do. Have a nice day.”