McMahon Would Be Proud

, , , , | Right | May 30, 2010

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

(Note: the customer speaks like a wrestling announcer, which continues for this entire conversation.)

Customer: “I need a medium pizza with four, count ’em, four toppings!”

Me: “Alright, let me just grab a pen to write your order.”

Customer: “What are those toppings you may ask? Well, they are mushrooms, green peppers, pineapple, and sliced tomatoes!”

Me: “Alright, sir, I have all of that written down and your pizza should be ready in about–”

Customer: “I will return in ten, count ’em, ten minutes, and my pizza had better be ready!”

Me: “Well we will certainly do our best, sir.”

Customer: “Good! And if your best is not good enough, well, so be it!”

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Nicoteenagers

, , , , | Right | May 26, 2010

(I have just gotten my first job, at age sixteen. I am a clerk in a gas station that mostly sells gas and cigarettes.)

Customer: “Oh, hey [My Name], I didn’t know you worked here.”

Me: “Yeah, I just started a couple weeks ago. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Can I get a pack of cigarettes?”

Me: “We were in grade eight together, and I’m only sixteen. I’m pretty sure I can’t sell you those.”

Customer: “Yeah I like, failed a lot of grades. I’m nineteen now.”

Me: “Really? Can I see your ID then?”

Customer: “I… I think I’ll try the 7/11 down the street.”

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Odd Quarterly Statement

, , , , | Right | May 24, 2010

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [total].”

Customer: *gives me a twenty* “Don’t give me any quarters!”

Me: “Alright.”

Customer: “I already have all the quarters!”

Me: “Oh, are you collecting coins?”

Customer: “No, but I already have all the quarters! If you give me any quarters, then I’ll know that I don’t have all the quarters! I’ll have to start all over!”

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Milk That Lie Dry

, , , , | Right | May 13, 2010

Me: “Here’s your smoothie, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, does this have milk in it? I have a violent reaction to milk! I can’t have milk.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. There’s 2% in it. I can make it with a protein powder but that may have milk products in it.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I can’t have it. Just make me a hot chocolate.”

Me: “Ma’am, to make that, I have to use milk.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I can have milk if it’s hot chocolate.”

Me: “Alrighty.”

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A New Dimension of Stupidity

, , , , , | Right | May 13, 2010

(I pass the customer 3D glasses for his movie.)

Customer: “So these are 3D glasses?”

Me: “Yes, sir!”

Customer: *getting excited* “So, if I put them on and look at you, you’ll be in 3D?”

Me: “Sir, by definition, I’m already 3D.”

Customer: “No. I mean, if I put on 3D glasses and look at you, or anything else, will you become 3D?”

Customer’s Girlfriend: “You’re dumb. Just stop talking.”

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