Screaming For Fuel Until You’re White In The Face

, , , , | Right | November 30, 2017

(While I’m filling my car I observe a man trying to work the pump across from me, and speaking out loud in a very noticeable accent.)

Customer: “Why won’t this work? Declined again!” *pushes intercom button for gas station attendant service* “It keeps saying my credit card is declined; I don’t know why it isn’t working!”

Attendant: “Please come inside the store, sir, and you can prepay your fuel in here.”

Customer: “I just don’t understand why it isn’t working!”

Attendant: “You will have to come into the store to pay if the machine isn’t working.”

(This repeats for about six minutes. As I walk towards him to go into the store, I ask him:)

Me: “How long have you been in Canada, now?”

Customer: “Only three days. This pump isn’t working right, and the employee isn’t coming to help me!”

(As I pass by I tap the, admittedly, poorly-phrased sign on the pump: “Foreigners, please pre-pay for fuel inside store.” He takes a second to read it, then hollers after me:)

Customer: “But I’m white!

(As I left he was still out there trying to argue with both the pump and the attendant, via intercom, that the card reader wasn’t working, and he still hadn’t made any attempt to enter the store. I tried one more time on my way by to explain to him that the pump didn’t care about his ethnicity; it just couldn’t read cards that weren’t issued in Canada. He was just going to have to go inside if he wanted gas! He was still standing outside when I drove off.)

1 Thumbs
680

Pepper-no-meat

, , , | Right | November 29, 2017

(I work in a popular grocery store in Canada that also sells hot foods, and I’m working the pizza counter.)

Me: “Hello, were you wanting to grab a slice?”

Customer: “Yes, that vegetarian slice.”

(I grab the vegetarian slice and go to put it in the oven to heat it up.)

Customer: “NO! NO! I wanted that vegetarian slice!”

(He points to the slice of pepperoni.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I thought you wanted a veggie slice. I’ll just switch.”

(He starts to interrupt me.)

Customer: “That is a vegetarian slice.”

(I am almost unsure how to reply, thinking he is joking.)

Me: “Haha, no, it’s pepperoni, sir. That is a type of meat!”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. 100% sure.”

Customer: “Give me the f****** other slice, then. I’ve always had that other type of pizza, and I have been a vegetarian for five years!”

(A customer standing behind him starts to laugh and says:)

Customer #2: “Obviously, you weren’t a vegetarian, dumba**.”

(I had a good laugh with my coworkers afterwards. Funny thing is, this happens more frequently than you would think! Learn the difference between meat and vegetables if you’re a vegetarian!)

1 Thumbs
811

Not In The Spirit Of The Phonetic Alphabet

, , , , , | Related | November 29, 2017

Not (My aunt works as a 911 dispatcher and owns a dog named Charlie.)

Mom: “Hey, [Aunt], what’s your Wi-Fi password?”

Aunt: “Hold on; I have it written down here somewhere… Okay, it’s 123, ‘Charlie,’ 456, ‘Whiskey.'”

Mom: “No, it says that’s incorrect. You said, ‘[repeats back password]’?”

Aunt: “Yeah, it should work… Wait, are you typing ‘Charlie’ and ‘Whiskey’ in as words?!”

Mom: “Well, yes!”

Aunt: “Oh, I was using the phonetic alphabet! It’s 123C456W!”

Mom: “‘Charlie,’ I didn’t question, but I didn’t think whiskey was so important to you!”

1 Thumbs
265

Will Need To Sweet-Talk Your Way Out Of This One

, , , , , | Working | November 23, 2017

(It is about 30 years ago, when I am starting out as a food chemist, and I have been invited to give a talk to the FDA in Washington, DC. After the talk, I am shown around one of the labs where they are doing some toxicity testing on aspartame, a synthetic sweetener about 200 times sweeter than sucrose. I have never heard of it, so I ask to take some back to my lab to analyze. They give it to me in a little unmarked plastic bag. After I land in Toronto, I have to go through Canadian customs.)

Customs: “Do you have anything to declare?”

Me: “No.”

Customs: “Any food?”

(I think for half a second, pull the unmarked bag of white, powdery aspartame out of my coat pocket, and say:)

Me: “Yes.”

(I have never seen armed men come that fast. They put me in a back room and a few minutes later a border agent comes in.)

Border Agent: “What are you doing with this much cocaine?”

Me: “What?! No, this is aspartame. It’s a sweetener.”

Border Agent: “Never heard of it. What is aspartame?”

Me: “You know, I don’t really know.”

(I open the bag and dip my finger into it and lick it.)

Me: “Good God! That’s sweet!”

(The border agent also tastes it and agrees it really is a sweetener. But before they let me go, the border agent makes a comment.)

Border Agent: “Makes sense it wasn’t cocaine; I don’t think anyone would be stupid enough to pull out a bag of cocaine when asked if there was anything to declare.”

1 Thumbs
908

Won’t Amount To Anything

, , , | Working | November 22, 2017

(I’m the idiot in this story. An elderly customer comes to my till with a gift card.)

Customer: “Can you read this for me?”

Me: “Sure!” *turns the card over* “Which part would you like me to read?”

Customer: “The amount?”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

Me: “I’m really sorry; it’s been a long day…”

(At least we got a good laugh out of it!)

1 Thumbs
364