(We’re performing spring maintenance on one of our outdoor lighting systems. This involves cleaning fixtures, changing lamps, and a general tidy-up of the system. One of our new hires accidentally breaks a fixture that we don’t have parts to repair.)

Me: “I’m sorry about the damaged fixture. At the moment, we don’t have the proper parts to repair it. But I can make a note of it on the invoice and we can send someone back as soon as possible to fix it.”

Client: “Oh, that’s no problem. I’ll have my electrician look at it. I guess someone forgot to mention to you that those fixtures aren’t part of your system; you don’t have to worry about servicing them today.”

(We finish up, and as she said, we don’t do the other fixtures. I still make note of the broken one on our paperwork just to have record of it, along with what she said about having her electrician fix it. Fast forward a couple weeks, and I’m working a day with our service tech. He has a work order for the place with the broken fixture, saying the system isn’t working at all now, along with a bunch of accusations about our shoddy work. We arrive and I notice the fixture we broke has been repaired. I take it out of the ground and immediately see the problem.)

Me: “Hey, [Tech], I found the problem. Remember how she said her electrician would fix this? Well, whoever fixed it crossed the wires and shorted the system.”

Tech: *laughing* “Yeah, that’ll do it. Let’s find the transformer so we can reset it.”

(I fixed the wiring and we reset the system. Everything worked perfectly. The tech made a note on the invoice for this visit that it was not our work that was faulty and therefore wasn’t under warranty. She later called to complain that she had to pay and claimed nobody else works on the system besides us, despite the four of us that were there that day stating she told us her electrician would fix it. The office ended up crediting her account just to shut her up. From now on, I plan to get this sort of thing in writing.)

(Apropos nothing:)

Boss: “What’s that island we own?”

Me: “I don’t think you and I own an island?”

Boss: “No, not us, someone else.”

Me: “Shouldn’t that be, ‘They own an island’?”

Boss: “No, because they would mean someone else. We own it.”

Me: “What, this company?”

Boss: “No, don’t be ridiculous; why would the company own an island?”

Me: “I really don’t know. I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

Boss: “BANFF!”

Me: “I think that’s a mountain. I’m pretty sure it’s not an island.”

(Three days later, I’m hosting a training session for several employees when the boss comes rushing in, proclaims, “We own Baffin Island!” and rushes back out. My coworkers all look at me:)

Coworkers: “We do?”

Me: “We don’t. I think he meant Canada owns it, but I’m really not sure.”

Customer: “I would like to buy the iPad Mini Air Lite.”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry; I’m confused. What kind of iPad are you looking for?”

Customer: “The iPad Mini.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “Air Lite.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “It’s called an iPad Mini Air Lite.”

Me: “Hmm… I don’t think that’s a thing. There’s an iPad Mini, and there’s an ipad Air. I don’t think there’s an iPad Lite, though.”

Customer: “Oh, dear. I was sure it was called the iPad Mini Air Lite. It was in the flyer!”

(I page a coworker in electronics to call me, since I’m just on cash.)

Me: “Do we have, um… iPad Mini Air Lites?”

Coworker: *laughing on the other end of the line* “No. I’ll come talk to her.”

(She bought an iPad Mini.)

(A customer comes in with her baby in a carrier. She sets the carrier down by her feet as she approaches my cash register.)

Customer: “Where are your flash drives?”

Me: “Over in aisle six.”

Customer: “Great. Can you just watch my baby for me? He’s just right there.” *points to her feet and quickly walks away*

Me: “Um…”

(I lean over the counter so I can see the baby, and he’s there sitting in his carrier. I keep watch on him, afraid that another customer will come and pull me away from him, or not see him on the floor and kick the carrier. The customer comes back about two minutes later.)

Customer: “Thanks for watching him.”

Me: “Um… Okay.”

(A few weeks later, I leave my cash to take some baskets back to the front door, and when I return, I gasp to see a baby in a carrier on the floor, unattended.)

Me: “Um! There’s a baby over here!”

(I turned around and recognized the same woman from a few weeks before, WAY at the FARTHEST till away, checking out! She didn’t even hear me call that there was an unattended baby. When she was done checking out she just slowly walked back over to get her baby.)

(A car comes through the drive-thru and orders a hot dog. Note: we cook all hot dogs to order and they take about five minutes. Five minutes later, a customer comes into the store and also orders a hot dog. He is informed of the wait. The hot dog for drive-thru comes up shortly after the second customer orders. The drive-thru expeditor packs it up and hands it out to the car.)

Second Customer: “HEY! She just took my order!”

Me: “Yours is still cooking, sir. They ordered a few minutes before you came in, so theirs was ready first. I’ll have yours ready for you in another couple minutes.”

(The customer continues to be huffy about it. He leaves, and I put the incident out of my mind, until my next shift.)

General Manager: *pulls me aside* “Why did you serve drive-thru before front the other day?”

Me: *thinking for a moment then remembering* “The hot dog? Drive-thru ordered first. By like five minutes. The second guy wasn’t even in the building yet.”

General Manager: “I don’t care who ordered first; front gets their food first. Always.”

Me: “I know that, but that’s if orders come in at the same time. These were several minutes apart! The first one was practically ready by the time he came in. I even told him he would be waiting for his.”

General Manager: “I don’t care. Don’t make front wait for their food.”

Me: “So, I’m supposed to make drive-thru wait ten minutes because one guy doesn’t want to wait five?”

General Manager: “He shouldn’t have had to wait, because his food shouldn’t have been given to drive-thru.”

Me: “It wasn’t. Here, I can show you”

(I go into the office computer and pull up the sales logs for that day. It basically shows a full copy of each receipt, including timestamps.)

Me: “See? Drive-thru ordered at [time]. Front ordered at [five minutes later].”

General Manager: *silent for ten seconds, staring at the screen* “Front gets served first. That’s the end of it.”