When Collecting Becomes A Disease

, , | Healthy | November 1, 2017

(I’m the weird one here. I’m speaking to my doctor about getting caught up on my vaccines.)

Doctor: “So, what brings you in today?”

Me: *off the top of my head* “I have measles, mumps, rubella, tetanus, and meningitis. Should I get hepatitis or HPV next?”

Doctor: *giving me a strange look* “I’m sorry, what do you mean?”

Me: *realizing how I just worded that* “VACCINES! I want to get all my immunizations.”

1 Thumbs
401

Needs To Interview Review

, , , , , , | Working | October 31, 2017

(I have just finished working at a jewelry store as a seasonal employee. That same day, I decide to apply for other stores in the same mall. I apply to a kooky little gift shop in the mall that is privately owned by a husband and wife.)

Manager: *taking resume* “Okay, so, the owners won’t be around for another two weeks, but when they are I’ll have them call you to set up an interview.”

Me: “Okay.”

(More than two weeks come and go, so I decide to call the store, since no one has called me.)

Manager: “Oh, they aren’t in yet. I’ll call you when they’re in.”

(I never get a call that night, but I do get one the next morning.)

Owner: “Hi, this is [Owner]. I want to set up an interview next week.”

(Keep in mind, this has been five or six weeks now.)

Me: “Okay.”

(The day before my interview, the manager calls me.)

Manager: “Yeah, there’s going to be a huge snowstorm tomorrow, and the owners won’t be able to come in.”

Me: “Okay.”

Manager: “We will call you with a new time.”

(As this is going on, I get rehired at an amusement park for the summer, meaning I can only work at this gift shop until May. I am getting worried because no one will want to hire someone who will have to leave in three months. It has been another week since the manager called me, so I decide to call back and tell them to forget it. An employee tells me they wrote it on a note and will give it the owner. I promise them that there are no hard feelings, and promise to reapply in December. A week later:)

Owner: *calls me on my cell, so I don’t recognize number* “Hi, is this [Not My Name]?”

Me: “No, sorry. You have the wrong number.”

Owner: “Okay, sorry.”

(I get another call an hour later.)

Owner: “Hi, [My Name], I accidentally called you by the wrong name. I want to set up an interview date.”

(Clearly, she never got the message.)

1 Thumbs
449

A Lax Understanding Of Tax

, , , , | Right | October 30, 2017

Customer: “$10 combo, to go.”

Me: “All right, that’s $11.13, with tax.”

Customer: “But I’m paying cash.”

Me: “So?”

Customer: “I don’t have to pay taxes if I pay with cash, right?”

Me: “…”

1 Thumbs
470

What The Function?!

, , , , , , | Related | October 29, 2017

(I’m in grade 11 and am talking about school with my older sister, who has graduated high school and is in college. My sister got… not ideal grades in high school, while I have done quite well.)

Sister: “High school is useless.”

Me: “No, it’s not!”

Sister: “It’s completely useless.”

Me: “Grades are important!”

Sister: “No, they aren’t.”

Me: “They are for getting into college.”

Sister: “I had terrible grades, and I wasn’t rejected from anywhere I applied to.”

Me: “Yeah, well, what if I go into a math field? Then my math grades will matter.”

Sister: “Eww, why would you want to subject yourself to that?”

Me: “I don’t know. Math can be fun.”

Sister: *dramatic gasp* “Ah!” *holds out her fingers like a cross* “Get away from me, you demon!”

Me: “What the—”

Sister: *runs into our grandparents’ apartment*

Me: *follows her* “[Sister], what are you doing?”

Sister: “Ah!” *hides behind grandma* “[My Name] said math was the F-word!”

Grandma: “What!?”

Me: “I said fun. I said math can be fun.”

1 Thumbs
248

A Total Balls-Up

, , , , , , , , | Friendly | October 29, 2017

(I am an usher at a sports arena. During a game, two teenage girls with signs saying it is their first game catch a ball. A few seconds later, two kids run down from seats five rows behind the girls and ask them for the ball. When the two girls refuse, their section turns on them.)

Man: “Give the kids the ball! They’re kids! What’s it to you?”

Girl #1: “It’s our first game! We caught the ball; we want it!”

Women: “Gosh, you girls are b****es!”

Girl #2: “What the h*** is wrong with you people? If we won the lottery and two kids demanded our winnings would we be forced to give them to them? We caught this ball fairly! What the f***?!”

(A man in the row behind them ripped the ball out of their hands and gave it to the kids, who ran back to their mom. Their mom smirked at the teenagers and patted her kids on the head. Now, I have been in this arena for seven years and, as such, have the respect of my manager and staff. During intermission, my manager came over to check in on me and I told him what happened. My manager’s sister is a supervisor in guest service, and with some strings pulled, she got them two balls and vouchers for hotdogs, and moved them out of their area as their section was still angry with them. Obviously, it was not the same as getting the ball the girls had caught, but they still got balls out of it.)

1 Thumbs
514