(I work in a single-location clothing boutique, and the credit card chip reading machines aren’t always up and running for smaller businesses. Because of this, we check ID on every credit transaction, no matter the amount.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, your total is [total].”

Customer: *hands me an unsigned card*

Me: “And would you happen to have your ID on you?”

Customer: *side eyes me, but pulls it out* “W… Why do you need my ID?”

Me: “It’s just our policy, especially if the card is unsigned!”

Customer: *stares blankly*

Me: *trying to make a joke* “I’m just making sure you’re spending your own money!”

Customer: “But… but I’ve had this card since 1986. Why wouldn’t it be my money? You’re supposed to sign your card?”

Me: “Oh, that’s what the little box on the back is for! At any rate, we’d just rather check ID, to make sure you and we are protected.”

Customer: “But it’s my money.”

(She then wandered away, totally confused about how someone who wasn’t her could be using her credit card. Poor lady.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 78
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 77
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 76

(I’m picking up a coffee with my three-month-old daughter. I’ve noticed the woman in front has had multiple cards declined to pay for her drink. Tired, and with a hungry baby, I offer to pay for her just so I can get my coffee.)

Customer: “I don’t know why your f****** machine won’t take my cards!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but it’s not the machine. There’s a cash point outside if you’d like to try there.”

Customer: “No! No, that’s just not going to work! I need my coffee!”

Me: *to cashier* “Excuse me, can I pay for her order? Can I get a black tea, too, please?” *to customer* “Don’t worry. We all have days like this.”

Customer: “Fine. Hurry up, I haven’t got all g**d*** day!”

Cashier: *helpless shrug* “Thanks.”

(I get my drink and sit down to feed my daughter. Barely two minutes later, the customer looms over us.)

Customer: “ I want a cookie.”

Me: “Uh… What?”

Customer: “I wanted a cookie; you need to pay for it.” *gestures to the cash desk where the same cashier is looking embarrassed and helpless*

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry, but I’m feeding at the moment. Besides, the cashier said there’s an ATM outside; try there.”

Customer: “Don’t be such a b****. It’s only £2! Give me your card and I’ll do it myself, if you’re going to be like that!”

Me: “Seriously?! You’re going to swear at me right now whilst I’ve got my t**s out feeding my baby?! You need to back off and enjoy the coffee you never bothered thanking me for in the first place!”

Customer: “Well, there’s no need to be such a b**** about it!” *to cashier* “Aren’t you going to say something about this?!”

Cashier: “No, miss, I’d really better not. You might want to leave before you are removed.”

(The customer stormed out of the coffee shop, barging into an elderly lady in the process and spilling her drink all over the floor. Not a total loss for me, though; the cashier brought me a cookie for free!)

(I work in a store in a large shopping centre. One evening, a customer comes in and makes two purchases. The first costs him $67, and he pays with $100 in cash. As I’m handing him his change, he makes a second purchase worth $5, which I take out of his change. This leaves him $28. I give him the money and he leaves. About an hour later, however, he returns and insists we’ve short-changed him by $27. I go through both receipts with him and all of my actions through both transactions. He insists he can’t remember what happened, but that I am in the wrong. As I can’t prove it by counting the register, and I don’t want to just give him the money, I take his details and promise to call him the next morning after the registers have been counted for close that night, and then for open the next morning. As expected, that night when I count the registers there is nothing out of the ordinary. The following morning when I open, the registers are still in the clear. I get on the phone with him to talk it over.)

Me: “When I cashed up last night, neither of our registers were over, unfortunately.”

Customer: “But you definitely short-changed me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I didn’t. It would have been in the register when I closed the store, and there wasn’t any extra money there.”

Customer: “But I’m short $27.”

Me: “Well, did you spend money anywhere else last night?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “In the shopping centre, sir. Did you spend money anywhere else?”

Customer: “Nothing of that amount.”

Me: “So, it’s not possible that you could have lost it somewhere else, like at another store?”

Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m just suggesting that it’s a possibility that it could have happened somewhere else.”

Customer: “It had to be you. I just know it! You’re arguing with me now, so you must be a thief!”

Me: *losing my patience now* “Sir, if I had shortchanged you last night, you do realise that it would have meant I’d only given you $1 from the $100 you gave me, right? I’m pretty sure you would noticed when all the change you got from $70 of purchases was a buck.”

Customer: “Just… CALL ME BACK IF YOU FIND MY $27.” *hangs up*

(I work for a civil division small claims court, where you sue people for smallish amounts of money and represent yourself in court. An older man comes in the office and up to the service counter with a wheelbarrow. In the wheelbarrow is a burlap sack full of… something.)

Defendant: *after ranting about the case he was involved in with a neighbour/ex-friend and the judgment rendered against him* “I am here to pay my judgment BUT I am paying it in PENNIES! If [Plaintiff] wants his money, FINE, but he’s going to have to work for it!”

Me: *looking at burlap bag and realizing what’s in it* “Um, I’m sorry sir but we cannot accept that here.” *IN MY HEAD: “Never mind the fact that WE would be the ones ‘working’ for it, not the plaintiff!”

Me: “If you wish to bring them to the plaintiff directly you can see if he will accept them.”

(After grumbling a bit more, the defendant leaves. The judgement was $800 so it would have been 80,000 pennies, weighing around 50 pounds. About 30 minutes later I answer the phone and immediately know who I am talking to:)

Plaintiff: “[Defendant] just showed up at my door with a bag full of pennies! Do I have to accept them?”

Me: “Well, sir, you can refuse it but then you will have to take further proceedings to collect on your judgment, such as a garnishment, which will take time and cost money. Monies paid out for further proceedings are recoverable and added onto the judgment, but seeing as the courts are not a guarantee that you will get your money it might be in your best interests to take the pennies.”

Plaintiff: *lots of swearing and ranting about [Defendant] and the case in general*

(In the end the plaintiff took the pennies and had to roll them all by hand because change sorting/rolling machines had not yet been invented for the casual user. I thought to myself then, and still think now, that if I ever got sued and had a judgment against me, that’s exactly the way I would pay it, too!)

(I notice a guy apparently harassing a customer and asking for money, so I try to intercede.)

Guy: “Just give me one euro!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but you can’t ask for money here.”

Guy: “It’s just one euro; as soon as I get it I’ll go away.” *to the customer* “Give me one euro!”

Me: “Listen, you really can’t do this. He doesn’t even speak your language.”

Guy: “Just one euro! Give me one euro!”

Me: “Okay, that’s enough. I don’t really care if you ask for the euro outside, but you can’t be doing this here.”

Guy: *looks at me, walks away until he’s at the door but just outside of the store, puts his hands over his mouth like a megaphone, and starts yelling at the customer* “GIVE ME ONE EURO!”