(An elderly man has just purchased a ticket for a film.)

Me: “All right, sir, that’ll be $8.50.”

Customer: “So, you enjoy scamming your customers?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “I came in a week ago, and I paid a different price. Oldest trick in the book! You guys change how the taxing works on different days to drum up more money!”

(Our prices are hard-coded into our system and have not changed in almost two years, and there’s no way to “change how the taxing works.” Nor would we have any reason to, given theaters essentially make no money on ticket sales anyways.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’ve had the same pricing for almost two years. Is it possible you came earlier in the day and got the earlier morning rates?”

Customer: “No, don’t be stupid. I know that you guys are changing how the taxing works. The tickets are supposed to have the tax included, but now you’re charging me that price PLUS additional tax! You’re just trying to rip me off, BOY!”

(Again, prices on our systems are hardcoded and include any and all taxes already and this cannot be changed.)

Me: *thinking I might know what happened* “I apologize again, sir, but I can assure you that our prices have not changed in several years. Nothing in our systems can be changed as it’s all hard-coded in. It may also be possible that one of our new hires might have just done something silly like accidentally hit the wrong button when ringing you out the other day and charged you a child’s price instead. It’s a common mistake for new hires, but if anything, you’d have been charged less than you should have, so you essentially might have just gotten a free accidental rebate.”

Customer: “No! I know you’re changing the taxes! Your managers and you are just lining your fat pockets! It’s the oldest trick in the book, committing tax fraud like you are!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but again, our prices cannot be arbitrarily changed. Would you still like to see the movie?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, but you best warn your managers, boy! Warn them you’re all going to be out of a job soon because one of your LOYAL customers know you’re all cheating FRAUDSTERS!”

(He storms off. A few minutes later, our concession worker goes to use the restroom, so I cover for him. The customer comes back and I cringe because I know what’s about to happen. Our concession prices have gone up a small amount. It’s typically a few cents or a quarter at most for some premium items, due to some major new renovations, equipment, etc. that have given us plenty of new options but are somewhat more costly to maintain.)

Customer: “You again? Large soda.”

Me: “Certainly, sir. That’ll be $5.95.”

(Cue almost five full minutes of being reamed out, accused of tax fraud, etc. for the price change, which of course only “confirms” his accusations of us “changing how the taxing works.”)

I work in recruitment, and part of my job is to organise the reimbursement of people’s travel costs when they attend an interview. One day, shortly after Germany was knocked out of the World Cup, an interviewee filled in an expense claim for two nights in a hotel before and after her interview. I processed the request as normal and everything seemed fine, but after a couple of weeks she got in touch asking for an update on her claim. According to payroll, the full amount had been paid, but she insisted she hadn’t received it.

She became increasingly upset over the course of several days as we emailed back and forth, with me providing evidence that the payment had been sent, whilst she sent evidence that her bank had never received the money. Eventually, I asked payroll to check that they hadn’t mistyped her bank details, and they sent me a screenshot. It turned out that they had looked at the receipt from the hotel and, instead of using the interviewee’s bank details, had used what was written in the footer of the receipt document: the bank account of the hotel.

After facepalms all round, and a lot of awkward apologies from payroll, we finally transferred the payment to the interviewee’s account. She sent a very grateful email, ending with, ‘We may have lost at football, but at least I didn’t lose my money.”

(I am an employee, bagging groceries for a customer. Behind me is an open area for people to walk, and behind that is a claw machine and gum ball machines. A lady and her child are at the claw machine. The lady comes up to me, and this is what ensues.)

Customer: “I put a $5 bill in this machine, expecting to get $4.50 in change!”

(Each play is 50 cents.)

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but that doesn’t give change.”

Customer: “I want my change back! I only wanted him to play one time.”

Me: “I don’t think there is anything I can do, but let me ask my manager.”

(I walk to the office and the customer follows me. I go in and tell my manager what is happening. He says we can’t give money back unless the machine takes the money and then won’t work. I go back out and walk up to the customer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can only give money back if the machine takes it and then doesn’t work. There is a separate company that puts the machine there; they take the money from it and they fill it up.”

Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do?!”

Me: “Your child will just have to play $5 worth of plays.”

(I resume bagging and the customer goes back to the claw machine. A few minutes later she comes back up to me.)

Customer: “He only played three times, and now it won’t work! $5 is ten plays!”

Me: “He played more than three times ma’am. He was playing when you first started talking to me, and he was playing the whole time we were at the office while I talked to my manager. You may have only seen him play three times, but I assure you that he used up all his turns.”

Customer: “There’s no way!”

(She turns to a man who was standing there, whom I hadn’t noticed before; he’s her spouse.)

Customer: *to man* “How many times did he play?”

Man: “I didn’t count, but it was more than three.”

Customer: *looks at the man, looks at me* “Whatever!”

(Then she grabbed the child and quickly exited the store, the whole time berating the child for spending her entire $5 and not winning.)

(It’s a busy but fairly normal shift. After a mad rush of customers it quietens down, and a man in his twenties comes to my till with a “selfie phone case.”)

Me: “That’s £12.99 for that, please.”

(He places two £1 coins and a few 20p coins on the counter. I count them out and look at him expectantly. After a few moments I realise he isn’t going to get out an extra £10.)

Me: “Sorry, it’s £12.99.”

(He still looks gone-out, and then seems to realise he hasn’t got enough.)

Customer: “What am I supposed to do, then?”

Me: “Do you have any extra cash or a debit card?”

(The man ignores me and turns instead to a customer just passing.)

Customer: “Have you got 10p?”

Passing Customer: “What?”

Customer: “I need 10p!”

Passing Customer: “Sorry.”

(The customer leaves, looking baffled.)

Me: “It’s ten pounds, sir.”

(An elderly lady has just joined the queue. He turns to her, instead.)

Customer: “Got £10?”

Elderly Lady: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Can I have £10?”

(Understandably, the lady is looking a little intimidated and confused.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you can’t ask other customers to give you the cash. I can save the item for you behind the till until you do have the money, if you prefer.”

Customer: “Okay. I’ll sort something out.”

(He went, and I apologised to the elderly lady. The man returned about fifteen minutes later, but went to a colleague, and this time he bought a pack of chocolate. I still don’t know why he expected other customers to give him the money, and I don’t know why he thought £3 was enough to pay for something worth £12.99 in the first place. It was clearly labelled on the product and the shelf!)

(I work at a gas station. After several customers complain that we don’t break large bills, my manager — against corporate advice — decides to do so, anyway. What follows is a summary of the week after.)

First Customer Of The Day: “Can you break a hundred?”

Me: “No.”

Manager: “Yes, we can. I’ll go get the money.”

(The manager walks into her office in back. To her surprise, the customer has followed her. After breaking the hundred, the “customer” walks out without buying anything. The manager returns to the front.)

Second Customer: “Can you break a hundred for me?”

Me: “No.”

Manager: “You have to buy something first.”

(The second customer looks around and decides on a ten-cent gumball, handing me a hundred. I look at the manager, who nods. Shaking my head, I empty my register to give the second customer the money, including several rolls of coins.)

Second Customer: “Man, why are you giving me this? I wanted bills!” *storms out*

Manager: “Let me get you some more money.”

(She goes back to her office and returns with money, only to see three more customers with hundreds out. This repeats every day for three days before my manager changes tactics.)

Manager: “Listen, I’ll just go in back. When you need to break a big bill, use the intercom.”

Me: “This is ridiculous. We’re making maybe ten bucks more a day for this, and you’re easily taking in several thousand in hundreds for it. Word’s already gotten out, and we’re going to be robbed if we keep this up.”

Manager: “You’re right. We should have a codename for when you need to do it.”

Me: “Why?”

Manager: “So I don’t get robbed when I come up with the money.”

(I glare, but she doesn’t notice. For two more days, I have to say a ridiculous codename over the intercom every five to ten minutes. Everyone knows why she’s coming up, defeating the purpose of the codename, but she gets upset when I simply tell her I need to break a large bill. Day five begins:)

Manager: “I’m wasting too much time coming up front. I’ll add a spot for the bank [a deposit/change dispenser behind the counter] that dispenses five twenties.”

Me: “That’s ridiculous. That means night shift will have this problem, too!”

Manager: “Great, we’ll make even more money!”

Me: “We’ve made almost nothing. We don’t even have a spot for a new roll of bills to drop.”

Manager: “Oh, I’ll replace pennies. Nobody’ll even notice!”

(At the end of day five, we’ve made no appreciable extra money, and my till is now off because I ran out of pennies and had to give out nickels for anything four cents or less. My manager writes me up for being short due to this. I refuse to sign the write-up. Per policy, this means a regional manager needs to be called to settle the dispute. I’m out the door for two days, anyway, and need the time to calm down after all this. I return two days later to find the regional manager waiting for me at the door. She pulls me aside, and ominously holds a clipboard.)

Regional Manager: “[Manager] called to let me know you’d been insubordinate every day for the last week, culminating in a suspicious register deficit on your final shift of the week. Is that right?”

Me: “Yes, she screwed with the bank so we had $20s instead of pennies, and insisted on breaking all bills, no matter how large.”

Regional Manager: “That’s what [Night Shift Worker] said last night in his police report. We had an armed robbery. Fortunately, [Night Shift Worker] is unharmed.” *hands me the clipboard* “I need you to sign that you confirm [Night Shift Worker]’s story about the lead-up to the robbery.”

(The regional manager had already contacted corporate after the robbery, but my manager’s write-up and the night worker’s story had convinced her the manager’s unsafe business practices were partly to blame. The regional manager closed the store for the day — to the bemoaning of customers — and a new manager awaited us the following morning.)