Boy, Your Rants Are Taxing

(An elderly man has just purchased a ticket for a film.)

Me: “All right, sir, that’ll be $8.50.”

Customer: “So, you enjoy scamming your customers?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “I came in a week ago, and I paid a different price. Oldest trick in the book! You guys change how the taxing works on different days to drum up more money!”

(Our prices are hard-coded into our system and have not changed in almost two years, and there’s no way to “change how the taxing works.” Nor would we have any reason to, given theaters essentially make no money on ticket sales anyways.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’ve had the same pricing for almost two years. Is it possible you came earlier in the day and got the earlier morning rates?”

Customer: “No, don’t be stupid. I know that you guys are changing how the taxing works. The tickets are supposed to have the tax included, but now you’re charging me that price PLUS additional tax! You’re just trying to rip me off, BOY!”

(Again, prices on our systems are hardcoded and include any and all taxes already and this cannot be changed.)

Me: *thinking I might know what happened* “I apologize again, sir, but I can assure you that our prices have not changed in several years. Nothing in our systems can be changed as it’s all hard-coded in. It may also be possible that one of our new hires might have just done something silly like accidentally hit the wrong button when ringing you out the other day and charged you a child’s price instead. It’s a common mistake for new hires, but if anything, you’d have been charged less than you should have, so you essentially might have just gotten a free accidental rebate.”

Customer: “No! I know you’re changing the taxes! Your managers and you are just lining your fat pockets! It’s the oldest trick in the book, committing tax fraud like you are!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but again, our prices cannot be arbitrarily changed. Would you still like to see the movie?”

Customer: “Well, yeah, but you best warn your managers, boy! Warn them you’re all going to be out of a job soon because one of your LOYAL customers know you’re all cheating FRAUDSTERS!”

(He storms off. A few minutes later, our concession worker goes to use the restroom, so I cover for him. The customer comes back and I cringe because I know what’s about to happen. Our concession prices have gone up a small amount. It’s typically a few cents or a quarter at most for some premium items, due to some major new renovations, equipment, etc. that have given us plenty of new options but are somewhat more costly to maintain.)

Customer: “You again? Large soda.”

Me: “Certainly, sir. That’ll be $5.95.”

(Cue almost five full minutes of being reamed out, accused of tax fraud, etc. for the price change, which of course only “confirms” his accusations of us “changing how the taxing works.”)