When You’re Actively Thinking About Running Someone Over

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 18, 2018

(I’m leaving to pick my partner up from work. Unfortunately, my phone is broken, but I send an email to my partner’s phone saying I’ll meet them outside. I go down the street, and there’s a man standing in the middle of the road. Cars are parked on either side, so I can’t get past. He comes up to me and stands in front of my car.)

Man: “Hey! Cold weather we’re having.”

Me: “Yeah…”

Man: “You know, it’s never been this cold before.” *he starts rambling about the cold* “So, have you always lived in Florida?”

Me: “No, I lived in Colorado before, but I really have to go–”

Man: “Colorado! They’ve got good skiers up there! Everyone’s a skier!”

(He starts talking about some ski accident he once had. Every time I try to talk, he interrupts me and talks faster. Eventually, his ski story is over and I think I’ll finally be released.)

Me: “Wow. Anyway, I should get–”

Man: “Do you follow sports?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Man: “Well, I love football. The teams I follow used to be…“

(He keeps talking about how his team loyalty changes every time he moves. I cannot get a word in. He moves his arms a lot when he talks, and I’m starting to hope that he pokes himself with the tool he’s holding, just enough to make him leave. Finally, his monologue runs out of steam. He steps to the side and I speed out of there and end up being 20 minutes late.)

Partner: “Oh, my God! I thought you were in an accident! I was ready to call my mom and have her backtrack through the route.”

Me: *explains*

Partner: “Well, I know someone who’s not getting a Christmas card this year.”

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No Need To Bus(t) My Chops

, , , | Working | January 18, 2018

(Sometimes the local public transit system’s website has some errors. I am planning a route on a very reliable map application and I notice a discrepancy between the arrival times for the bus I will be transferring on to. I call the transit office to confirm.)

Me: “Hi, this app is telling me that this bus is coming at 3:45, but the website doesn’t list that time. I just wanted to confirm—”

Employee: “What makes you think that you should trust an application OVER THE COMPANY PROVIDING THE SERVICE?!”

(I hung up, because I didn’t need to be spoken to that way. Sure enough, the map application was correct and their website was wrong. I noticed that the error was fixed about an hour later.)

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Offering A Knuckle Sandwich

, , , , , , , | Right | January 18, 2018

(I am a very petite female. I am the customer at a coffee shop I frequent often. The employees are very nice and most of them know me by now. I purchase a sandwich and a drink, set up my laptop, open the sandwich, and begin to work. A few minutes later I go to the restroom, leaving behind my items, only to come out to a man in his mid-40s eating my sandwich, right next to where I have been sitting. I hate confronting people and would have brushed it off, but it is just too weird.)

Me: “Excuse me. Are you eating my sandwich?”

Customer: “No, this is mine.”

Me: “I took a couple bites out of it, and there’s lip-gloss on the bite marks on ‘your’ sandwich.”

Customer: “Get your own! You young people are always taking things away from the more deserving!”

Me: *now confused and embarrassed, as everyone in the shop is staring* “Sir, that’s my sandwich. You can have it. It’s no big deal; it’s just a turkey sandwich. But I’m not the thief, here.”

Employee: “Wait. Sir, did you take this woman’s sandwich?”

Customer: “No. I’ll fight her for it!”

Employee & Me: *at same time* “You want to fight for it?!”

(There is moment of silence as the other customers and employees look back and forth between my five-foot frame and the man’s six-foot frame. The other customer looks around for a moment, then grabs my sandwich and runs out.)

Employee: “Do you want another sandwich?”

Me: “I don’t think I’ll ever eat a turkey sandwich again.”

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Any Caption Added To This Situation Won’t Be A Good One

, , , | Working | January 18, 2018

(I work for a closed-captioning company. The vast majority of our captioners work remotely from home, so we communicate with them primarily via phone. For many programs, the client likes to do a captions test — sending out a few practice lines — before the actual show starts, so that we know everything is running smoothly and that captions will appear at the start of the program. On this particular day, a client, who is known for calling rather early to test, calls a full 29 minutes before their scheduled show, which is VERY early. I’m not entirely sure my captioner will be ready to test yet, so I call her.)

Me: “Hi, [Captioner], it’s [My Name]. I know it’s still quite early, but [Client] has called to test for [Scheduled Program]. Are you ready to go now, or do you need a few minutes?

Captioner: “I still need a few minutes.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. I’ll let them know. Just give us a call back when you’re all set.”

(I inform the client that the captioner still needs several minutes to set up. They are agreeable about it, and we hang up. Almost 15 minutes goes by. The client has called again and spoken to another coworker to see if we are ready, and I still have not heard from my captioner. The coworker who took the call has managed to stall our client, but I am getting concerned, as they are an important client and can be very particular about tests. Additionally, my captioner has not “checked in” to a program we use that lets us know they are ready for each job assignment. I call her again.)

Captioner: *with slight annoyance* “Hello?”

Me: “Hi again, [Captioner]. [Client] is on the other line wanting to test. Are you ready to go yet?”

Captioner: *in a very annoyed tone* “No! I’m not home! I had to go sign papers for my mortgage, and I’m still at least five minutes away!”

(I was shocked. Not only is that unacceptable, but she didn’t tell me that the first time we spoke! I put her on hold so I could speak to our schedulers, who assign jobs to captioners, and I informed them of the situation. During all this, the client called several more times and spoke to several more coworkers who were all trying various ways to mitigate the situation without outright telling them how irresponsible our captioner was being. The schedulers, angry and knowing how important this client was, decided to instead contact a captioner who was essentially “on-call” for last-minute emergencies just like this. They called her to set her up, and SHE wasn’t home, either! Both captioners were told to call when they got home, and whoever called first would cover the show. The on-call captioner “won,” and we tested successfully with only a minute to spare. What an unnecessary headache.)

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Has A Lot On His Plate

, , , , | Right | January 18, 2018

(I work at a banquet hall, and today we’re serving a large pig roast to a senior center. I am a server, and I am taking the customer’s plates when I see an elderly man with an empty plate.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but may I take your plate from you?”

Customer: “Can’t you see that I’m not finished eating?!”

Me: *silence*

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