Textual Discrimination

, , , , | Right | July 1, 2009

(A customer approaches me holding an audiobook.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “It’s an audiobook.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “Well, it’s books read aloud so people can listen to them instead of reading the text.”

(The customer looks horrified.)

Customer: “Do you have more?”

Me: “Oh, yes, those shelves behind you there.” *pointing*

Customer: *looking at the rows of audiobooks* “That’s disgusting! People who can’t read shouldn’t be allowed in libraries anyway! You shouldn’t pander to them!”

Me: “Well, it’s also for people who have low or no vision.”

Customer: “They have no right to books, either!” *storms out*

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Desperate Times Call For Half-Hearted Measures

, | Right | June 19, 2009

Me: “Three items? Here’s your fitting room, let me know if you need a hand.”

(The customer goes in, stands there for five minutes and searches the fitting room.)

Customer: “There’s no mirror.”

Me: “Nope, but as you can see there’s a mirror right outside.”

Customer: “That won’t do. Can I have the handicap room, please?”

(The handicap room is a larger room with a bench and mirrors.)

Me: “I’m sorry… that’s reserved for customers with wheelchairs and strollers.”

Customer: “But I want it.”

Me: “Sorry, it’s a store policy… Obviously, someone with a stroller or a wheelchair can’t fit in a normal fitting room, so we have to keep that one free.”

(The customer lifts one arm, laden with jeans and shopping bags. She waves it around, and points to it with her other arm.)

Customer: “…but, my arm is broken!”

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Becoming Familiar With Fiber

, , , , , | Right | June 11, 2009

(My dad is standing in an express line at the grocery store. In front of him is a well-to-do-looking woman, who clearly has several more items than the limit.)

Dad: “You know, it’s amazing that someone who is apparently so successful can’t read.”

Woman: *in a huff* “That sign’s for regular people, not for me!”

(An old man behind my dad taps him on the shoulder.)

Old Man: “Here, give her this.”

(My dad hands it to the woman.)

Woman: “What’s this?”

Old Man: “Metamucil. It’ll make you regular.”

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Backordered Compliments

, , | Right | May 27, 2009

Customer: “Hey, how good is this book?” *holds a fantasy book*

Me: “I don’t know; I haven’t read it. But you might want to start with the first one in the series, if we have it right now…”

Customer: “You haven’t read it? You’ve gotta be kidding me! Really, they hire anyone these days. I guess I’ll try it, then. You said it’s not the first one?”

Me: “No, and it seems that we don’t have the first book in this series. If you want, you can leave your name and number and we will call you if someone sells it.”

Customer: “No, no, that will be fine. I’ll just come back. When will you get it?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir. We’re a used books store. We only get books when people sell them to us.”

Customer: “I know that! I’m not stupid! When will someone sell you this book?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir.”

Customer: *rolls his eyes* “I can’t believe they hired you. I bet it’s only because you’re pretty!”

Me: “Er… thanks, I guess?”

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Tall-Size Steps Towards Venti-Size Change

, , | Right | May 20, 2009

(A regular customer comes through the drive-thru. She’s a difficult person to deal with and we have a new barista on bar tonight.)

Customer: “My usual, please.”

(I take her money and keep an eye on our new barista while he makes her tricky drink. He makes it just right. When the barista hands it over to me, she pulls a face suddenly.)

Customer: “Who’s THAT?”

Me: “Oh, that’s [Name], our newest barista! He took extra care with your drink tonight. I was watching.”

(I had been watching him make it and knew it was perfect. She then took a sip and made a face.)

Customer: “Too sweet! Honey, could YOU just make it for me? YOU always get it right.”

Me: “Sure.”

(I go to the bar and pretend to make things next to the new guy, who is really making her drink. Then I walk over and hand the new barista-made beverage out to her.)

Customer: *sipping* “Mmm! PERFECT! I knew YOU wouldn’t let me down!”

Me: “Actually, [Name] made that one, too. I just kept an extra eye on him to make sure it was absolutely perfect, and now he knows exactly how to do it for next time, too!”

Customer: “….uh… well…it IS a little OFF, but I’ll let it slide this time.”

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