(Our restaurant is within walking distance of an assisted living center so many of our regulars are special needs adults. We get a regular group of four people who have to make their order the same way every time. The routine involves the four of them reading the menu board for about five minutes and then one of them ordering each of them a hamburger individually.)

Me: “Hey! What can I get you?”

Special Needs Customer: “I would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger.”

(An agitated customer who has been standing in line behind the group the entire time chimes in.)

Customer #2: “He would like four hamburgers. Can we hurry this up?”

Special Needs Customer: “No! I would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger.”

Customer #2: “Oh, my god!”

Me: “So if I got this right, you would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger?”

Special Needs Customer: “Yes, that’s right!”

Me: “You know what I think you need? A high-five!”

Special Needs Customer: “You know I do!”

(I high-five the guy over the counter and the other three all take a turn getting a high-five.)

Customer #2: “This is just ridiculous!” *storms out of the store*

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(I’m finishing a long transaction for a supermarket customer.)

Customer: “You realise that you didn’t say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ throughout all of that?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought I did.”

Customer: “Do you go to college or is this your full-time job?!’

Me: “I go to college, but–”

Customer: “GOOD! DON’T DO THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY CRAP AT IT!”

Me: “Hi, what can I get for ya?”

Customer: “Yeah, um… do you guys serve breakfast?”

Me: “Oh no, sorry, we only serve brunch on Sundays. We have bagels and pastries in the case right there.” *pointing*

Customer: “Hmm, no, I really wanted breakfast.”

Me: “Sorry, it’s just Sundays.”

Customer: “But I smell bacon!”

Me: “Yeah, the cook is in the back prepping for the day, and we have some sandwiches with bacon on them.”

Customer: “I smell bacon! You serve breakfast! I want a hot breakfast!”

Me: “Uh, no… just brunch on Sundays. Our lunch starts at 11:00 am if you want to come back.”

Customer: “NO! I smell bacon and I want breakfast now!” *storms out*

Me: “…”

Me: “Hello, what brings you into [toy store]?”

Customer: “Just looking around… all of my grandkids are too old for stuffed animals.”

Me: “There are a lot of adults who come in who collect them.”

Customer: “I saw a lot of college kids in here over the summer getting them.”

Me: “Actually, I have a stuffed animal that I sleep with every night.”

Customer: “You know what you need to do… you need to get yourself a man!”

(This took place at a department store makeup counter. Everyone at the counter was wearing big makeup masks at the time.)

Customer: “Why are you wearing that?”

Me: “Well, we’re having a ‘theme day’ to be creative and have fun with the makeup we sell.”

Customer: “You know it’s bad for you, right?”

Me: “The makeup?”

Customer: “Yeah! All the CLEVER people say that!”

Coworker: *jumping in* “Well, we have educations here, too, and–”

Customer: “Yeah, sure… you’re educated to sell this… this, stuff!”

Me: “Whether the makeup is bad for you or not depends on the ingredients. I’m happy to look every one of those up for you if you’re worried about the makeup harming you.”

Customer: “Yeah, right. All the dangerous ingredients are going to go right through my skin… and… the CLEVER people say that!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m a chemistry major as well as a makeup artist, so I actually do know about the ingredients. I can assure you that–”

Customer: *turns to my coworker* “Could you help me find a blusher in a color that would suit me, please?”

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