Someone Needs To Get Ctrl-Alt-Deleted

, , , | Right | March 30, 2009

(A customer calls in having trouble logging into her email.)

Me: “Okay, let’s try typing the password into a text program like Notepad or Word. Then, we can copy and paste it into the password box.”

Caller: “Copy and paste?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s just a quick–”

Caller: “COPY AND PASTE? What the h***?! I have a secretary so that I don’t have to learn copy and f****** paste!”

Me: “If you calm down, it’s really very easy.”

Caller: *hangs up phone*

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Meet Satan Clause, Santa’s Maladjusted Brother

, , , | Right | March 30, 2009

(A customer walks in about 30 minutes before we close on Christmas Eve. We are closing early due to the holiday. Every customer that night is buying last minute gifts.)

Me: “Hello, what can I help you find?”

Customer: “A converter box.”

Me: “Sure, let me show you what we have.”

Customer: “What’s this $40 off crap?”

Me: “If you go to DTV.gov, you can get a coupon for $40 off.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s some mail-in rebate scam. Nevermind…”

Me: “Okay, shall I ring this up for you?”

Customer: “You seem to be in a bit of a hurry. What’s the rush?”

Me: “It’s Christmas Eve, and we close in 15 minutes. I want to get the store ready to close so I can leave as soon as possible.”

Customer: “You’re closing early for what?”

Me: “Christmas Eve.”

Customer: “Wow, they give you guys time off for anything these days!”

Me: *facepalm*

Manager: *facepalm*

Another Customer: *bursts out laughing*

Customer: “What!? Ugh, fine! I’ll take the box!”

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The Dangers Of Using Fishy Logic

, , | Right | March 25, 2009

(I work at a fish and chips booth at a 19th-century London convention.)

Customer: “Hi, I want some chips.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be [price]. Here are your chips.”

Customer: “No, I want chips.”

Me: “These are chips.”

Customer: “No, they’re french fries.”

Me: “In England, they’re called chips.”

Customer: “So? We’re in America.”

Me: “You’re at a convention set in London.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “So, they’re called chips in an attempt to be authentic.”

Customer: “The f***? I’m an American and in America, they’re called french fries!”

Me: “So why aren’t they called American fries?”

Customer: *stares blankly*

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Not A Planet You Want To Piss Off

, , | Right | March 24, 2009

Me: “Hi, did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Yeah, I brought in my old printer ink so I know which number to get.”

Me: “A very good idea. And would you like to recycle your ink cartridge? You can receive money back if you’re a rewards customer.”

Customer: “A what customer?”

Me: “It’s a frequent shoppers program that lets you rack up purchases and receive money back on them. When you recycle an ink cartridge, you get $3.00.”

Customer: “I don’t want no credit card.”

Me: “Oh, it’s not a credit card, sir. And it’s completely free to sign up.”

Customer: “No, thanks.”

Me: “All right, would you like to recycle it anyway? We do that here for free.”

Customer: “Why would I recycle it?”

Me: “Well, because it’s empty, and you can’t recycle them yourself. It’s better than just throwing it away.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “…because it’s good for the Earth?”

Customer: “What has Earth ever done for me?”

Me: “Oxygen, sir?”


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Our EQ Just Ate Your IQ

, , , , | Right | March 17, 2009

(Our restaurant is within walking distance of an assisted living center so many of our regulars are special needs adults. We get a regular group of four people who have to make their order the same way every time. The routine involves the four of them reading the menu board for about five minutes and then one of them ordering each of them a hamburger individually.)

Me: “Hey! What can I get you?”

Special Needs Customer: “I would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger.”

(An agitated customer who has been standing in line behind the group the entire time chimes in.)

Customer #2: “He would like four hamburgers. Can we hurry this up?”

Special Needs Customer: “No! I would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger.”

Customer #2: “Oh, my god!”

Me: “So if I got this right, you would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger?”

Special Needs Customer: “Yes, that’s right!”

Me: “You know what I think you need? A high-five!”

Special Needs Customer: “You know I do!”

(I high-five the guy over the counter and the other three all take a turn getting a high-five.)

Customer #2: “This is just ridiculous!” *storms out of the store*


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