If Only You Could See How Dumb You Look

(A customer calls in to check the status of his glasses. They have been here for several months because he hasn’t paid his balance in full. His account is therefore in collections.)

Me: “Thank you for selecting [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want my glasses. My name is [My Name]. They need to be shipped to my new address.”

Me: *checks for his glasses* “Okay, sir, it appears you have an unpaid balance on your account. Your glasses were sent to Corporate for an unpaid fee and for not picking them up within sixty days.”

Customer: “Why do I have a balance?! I can’t see and you are rude! Give me the glasses. Here is the address….”

(The customer gives his new address, which happens to be out of state.)

Me: “Sir, I apologize for the inconvenience. Let me take down your information and give you a call back.”

Customer: “Fine! You are awful at your job. I got glasses and now you’re keeping them from me. You want me to suffer?!”

Me: “No, sir. Let me call you back.”

(I find out the customer is not eligible for his insurance and he now owes the full balance for his glasses. There’s nothing I can do, but I call him back to inform him.)

Customer: “What do you mean I don’t have insurance?! I just used it last week. This is ridiculous! Are you that stupid?! Send me my glasses TODAY! Now!”

Me: “Sir, there’s nothing I can do. You owe $130.98 for the glasses. You have to pay it before we can get them to—”

Customer: “Why do you need those glasses so much? You can’t afford to send them to me? What kind of business is this?!”

Me: “I have no control over your insurance and I don’t know what you want me to do. Either pay for the glasses or call back when you can.”

Customer: “I demand my glasses now!”

Me: “You have Indiana Medicaid and now you live in another state. Maybe that’s why you are no longer insured. You want me to send you a free pair of glasses and be insured by a state you no longer live in?”

Customer: “Yes! Do it.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t do it even if I wanted to.”

Customer: “But I’m blind! I can’t see anything.”

Me: “Sir, you have the lowest possible prescription that we make glasses for.”

Customer: *click*

(He calls back every day for two weeks and curses everyone out, including my manager. Thankfully, he eventually pays the balance.)