(I am at officer training for my branch. The morning of this story, we were supposed to do a three-hour compass course, starting in the early hours. However, upon arrival at the site, it begins to rain, and then turns into a localized flash flood. Everyone is fine, but rather than give us the morning off, the instructors have moved the afternoon lecture to the morning. There’s time to grab coffee from a small stand located on the second floor.)

Barista: “I’m sorry, but the card machine is down. Cash only.”

Me: “S’alright, I’ve cash.”

(I place my order and she makes it. When she puts in the price, it comes to $5.75. Now, keep in mind, I’m out of it, and I hand her a five-dollar bill.)

Barista: “Umm, do you have seventy-five cents?”

Me: *half-asleep and not comprehending I’ve short-changed her* “No.”

Barista: “Okaaay… I can work with that.”

(She puts the bill into the drawer and I hold out my hand.)

Barista: “Is there something you need?”

Me: “My change.”

Barista: “Out of five dollars?”

Me: “Yes, my change?”

Barista: “Out of five dollars?”

Me: “Yes…”

(All of a sudden I wake up and join the living and realize I ordered a coffee that costs $5.75, but only gave her $5, and now I’m demanding change back, and the barista has actually offered to eat the cost!)

Me: “Oh, oh, crap! Oh, lord, I’m so sorry, I’m so f****** out of it! We had compasses this morning, but got rained out and they switched the lecture and I’m barely awake. I had no idea! Please, cancel the order; I don’t have exact change. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I was demanding my change back!”

Barista: “Yeah, no, honey, you’re getting this coffee. You really need it. You looked like a zombie when you came in.”

(She insisted on giving me the coffee, even though she was the one who paid the $0.75. And I admit, I did need that coffee. We’re not allowed to tip civilian workers in these situations, but after that I was extra certain to have exact change and to greet her with a smile whenever I passed the area.)

(A couple of years ago, I started having really low blood sugar levels. It turned out that I needed surgery but I could not get it right away. To try to help me during the wait, my endocrinologist referred me to a dietician so see if there were some diet changes I could do to reduce the risk of going so low I passed out. I am very allergic to nuts. I go to the dietician and she looks at my list of food that I have eaten for the last three days and asks if I have any allergies, which I tell her about.)

Doctor: “You need to eat a snack in the afternoon that keeps the blood sugar levels up better. A handful of nuts is good.”

Me: “I am allergic to nuts.”

Doctor: “So, as I was saying. You need to eat at least 60g for it to be good for you.”

Me: “Still can’t eat nuts. Allergy…”

Doctor: “But nuts are good for you.”

Me: “They might be good for other people, but I am allergic to nuts. Is there really nothing to replace them with?”

Doctor: “Nuts are good for everybody. They help stabilize the blood sugar.”

Me: “One more time, I am allergic to nuts. I will die if I eat them. I can’t have nuts.”

Doctor: “I don’t know why you came here if you don’t allow me to help you.”

Me: “I want help. I just can’t eat nuts. Are there any other foods that I can have as a snack?”

Doctor: “I recommend at least 60 grams of nuts as a snack.”

Me: “Thanks for your time. I’ll see myself out.”

(I’m an art vendor selling my own beaded jewelry. For each pair of earrings I make, I create a beaded design and then attach it to an earring hook, earring stud, or ear clip. All earrings can be converted to a different type, and I have signs around my booth saying that I will do the conversion for no additional charge. Most customers have no trouble understanding this. But at one fair, two customers enter my booth and look at the jewelry pieces on display. One picks up a pair of earrings attached to ear clips.)

Customer: “I like these earrings. But I don’t wear clip-ons.”

Me: “Oh, that’s no problem. I can easily convert them to pierced earrings. It’ll take me about five minutes, probably less, and it’s no extra charge.”

Customer: “Well, I like them but I just don’t wear clip-ons, so…”

Me: “Um, well, like I said, I can convert them. I have earring wires and studs. It’s no extra cost for me to convert them to pierced earrings, if you don’t mind waiting a few minutes. I can do it right now.”

Customer: “Sorry. I just don’t wear clip-ons, so I’m not interested in buying these.”

Me: *thoroughly confused, since I don’t know how I could be any clearer about her options* “Um… okay, then…”

(The customer set the earrings down on the table, and then she and her friend left the booth.)

(I work as an IT technician. One summer, I am travelling with my wife to visit her family for two weeks, so I put my Out Of Office on, as required by my boss. Two days into my holiday, I decide to log in to my work email to see what is going on in my absence. I have an email from someone fairly senior in the company:)

Senior Person: “Hi, [My Name]. Could you please give me access to [HR System]? Thanks, [Senior Person].”

(After reading it, I think, “Yeah, I’m not going to bother replying, because my Out Of Office will respond to her and tell her that I’m out of the office and to open a helpdesk ticket.” In any case, she SHOULD have been opening a helpdesk ticket, anyway, instead of emailing me directly. I foolishly choose to do nothing about the email, close my email client, and go to enjoy the rest of my holiday. About a week later, I log in to check my email again and I have another email, this time slightly nasty, from someone in our HR department:)

Demanding Lady From HR: “Dear [My Name], I understand that [Senior Person] emailed you a week ago to get access to our [HR System]. She’s had no response from you and so, in desperation, emailed me today to see if I can give her access which, unfortunately, I can’t. Please give her access as soon as possible. It is also not very professional to ignore emails from senior people in other departments. Please bear that in mind. Thanks, [Demanding Lady From HR].”

(I realised I needed to do something, so I replied to the HR lady and said that (1) [Senior Person] should have opened a helpdesk ticket rather than emailing me directly, because then ANYONE in our team could have picked it up and actioned it the same day, (2) if [Senior Person] had bothered to read my Out Of Office response, she’d have known that I was on holiday and was NOT ignoring her, and (3) this time round I would forward her email to our helpdesk system which would open a ticket for her automatically. The demanding HR lady responded to me, all apologetic and saying she “hadn’t realised I was out of the office,” which I found surprising because she would have got an Out Of Office response when she sent me her email. The lesson I learned here was NOT to check my work email when on holiday, so I never did it again!)

(I haven’t even gotten to open my email this morning when the first visitor — a hospice aide — comes in. She immediately has a bad attitude and I’m thinking “it is way too early for this s***.”)

Me: “Good morning!”

Aide: “Is one of those a bathroom?” *nods towards two doors to the left*

Me: “The second one is.” *blinks as she stomps off* “You’ll need to come back and sign in when you’re done.”

Aide: *ignores me AND the sign on the door that says it’s the office and tries the first door anyway* “It’s locked. Why is it locked?”

Me: “Because that’s my boss’s office. The bathroom is the second door.”

Aide: “Well, why didn’t you say so?” *finally goes in the door that has a large “BATHROOM” sign on it*

Me: *eye-twitch*

(I greet another visitor and chat with her for a minute while the aide goes about her bathroom business and finally comes back out, heading off in the wrong direction, away from my desk.)

Me: “Ma’am? Can you come back up here for a minute, please?”

Aide: *huffs* “What?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you need to sign in, please.”

Aide: “Ugh, fine. Where’s the book?”

Me: “It’s this tablet, here.” *starts walking her through how to use it*

Aide: “I don’t think I need to be doing this.”

Me: “I’m sorry, everyone has to; otherwise, I can’t let you in. It’s for our residents’ security.”

Aide: “I really don’t think I need to do this, though.” *finishes signing in and starts to walk off again*

Me: “Ma’am? Please put this on!” *hands her a name badge that just printed out*

Aide: “I have to show this? Can I put it away?”

Me: “No, ma’am, you need to stick it on yourself so my coworkers know you’re okay to be here.”

Aide: “This is ridiculous.” *smacks the name badge onto her shirt, where it predictably falls to the floor because the genius didn’t take the sticky part off* “What the h***?”

Me: *barely resisting the urge to facepalm myself into a coma* “You need to peel the backing off first.”

Aide: “God, this is so stupid!” *picks it off the floor and finally sticks it to herself and stomps off into the building, b****ing under her breath*

Me: “Have a good day!”

(It wasn’t even 7:30 yet!)