I work at a dollar store, and there’s a line of three customers at the register. There is a sign on the door that states that we are out of toilet paper and hand sanitizer.

Me: “Your total is $13.68.”

As [Customer #1] is paying, [Customer #2] steps out of line. 

Customer #2: “Excuse me, are you busy?”

I don’t immediately reply as I help [Customer #1].

Customer # 2: “Um, hello? Where is the hand sanitizer? It’s not by the toilet paper.”

Me: “If we have any, it is in the last aisle by the body wash.”

[Customer #2] goes looking while [Customer #1] leaves. [Customer #3] comes up.

Customer #3: “I guess she did see your sign on the door.”

I am trying not to laugh.

Me: “I guess not!”

I am waiting in the queue at a bagel shop in London, famous for traditional bagels, when I overhear this genius customer in front of me.

Customer: “Can I get a bagel, please?”

Server: “What would you like in that?”

Customer: “Umm… bacon.”

Server: “We don’t do bacon here; we’re Jewish.”

Customer: “Oh… er… ham?”

(I’ve been at my current job for about six months now, and overall, I get along with everyone here — BIG switch from my last place — and we all put forth our top effort. Unfortunately, some listening skills need work.)

Coworker: “Wait, how do I do this?”

Me: “Do what?”

Coworker: “I know [Manager] said we have to go into the order manager but I don’t know what from there.”

Me: “Oh, pulling up the backorders? You go into the order manager and click ‘backorders.’”

Coworker: “She said we had to do something, but I just don’t remember what.”

Me: “You click the big ‘backorders’ button.”

Coworker: “It doesn’t make sense; I just can’t find—”

Me: “[COWORKER]!”

Coworker: *doing a double-take like she just realized I was there* “Yeah?!”

Me: “Open order manager. Look at the row of great big buttons on top. Click the one that says, ‘backorders.’”

Coworker: “Oh! Right, duh!”

(I think she ended up seated next to me cause I have the highest patience quotient among our team.)

I’m the customer in this one.

My girlfriend and I notice a new Mexican restaurant that is not opened yet. As we are fans of this kind of food, we make a point to go there once it opens. Since we are in our car passing in front of the restaurant, we don’t see the opening date.

Two weeks later…

We’re near the restaurant, looking for a place to get some food and we notice the restaurant is full of people eating. We go in, order our things, and we go to the till to pay for our things. The guy that served us just tells us it’s on the house.

We find it weird. Weird enough to make us start noticing “small” details we hadn’t noticed before.

There are a lot of people that have no food in their hands that have been talking to each other since before we entered the restaurant, and there are an unusual number of employees to man the restaurant — I’d say twice too many. On one of the tables there is a small projector pointing to a white wall.

Little did we know, the restaurant has not really opened; this is a VIP pre-opening. We manage to get out of there just before they ask everyone to sit for a speech by the restaurant owner.

The embarrassment we’ve just avoided is huge. My girlfriend is too embarrassed to go there anymore.

I still don’t get why the doors were not closed or why there wasn’t anyone checking the door, though.

There wasn’t a big sign or whatever to warn us.

Customer: “These are supposed to be $1.00, not $3.49.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s the croutons that are a dollar, not this. Here’s the sign.”

Customer: “I can f****** read. Stop putting products that aren’t the same price next to each other.”