Paranoia In The W.C.

, , | Right | February 20, 2009

(I was just about to clean the ladies room, when a female customer walked up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, how do you lock this door?”

Me: “There’s no lock on the door, but there’s stalls in there.”

Customer: “But, what if someone tries watching me? I want to know I’m safe from voyeurs.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure nobody will be watching.”

Customer: “What about the men’s room? Is there a lock over there?”

Me: “Well, there’s a stall in there, but there’s two in this one.”

Customer: “But, no lock?”

Me: “Would it help if I stood guard?”

Customer: *now yelling* “Oh? So, you think you can get a little peep show?! Well, I’ll have you know that I won’t tolerate a pervert in my midst! I’ll take my business elsewhere, and you’re getting reported for harassment!”

Me: “But, I–”

Customer: “Good day!” *storms out*

Manager: *listening from his office* “What was that all about?!”

Me: “I don’t know.”

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Bad Pickup Lines Revisited

, | Right | August 6, 2008

(I am on the phone with a customer who is asking about underwear. Keep in mind that I am female.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Male Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for pink underwear.”

Me: “Okay, are you looking for men or women?”

Male Customer: “Women.”

Me: “All right, we have many types of pink underwear. Do you know what kind you are looking for?”

Male Customer: “No, what kinds do you have?”

(I proceed to list off the types of ladies underwear that come in pink.)

Male Customer: “Um, okay. What kind of underwear are you wearing?”

Me: “Is that really necessary?”

Male Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “No, it’s not.” *click*

 

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Not. Funny.

, , , | Right | August 1, 2008

(I am folding clothes when I am approached by an angry-looking customer. I turn to her, and she lowers her voice to almost a growl and narrows her voice.)

Customer: “I hate this store. I hate you because you work in it. I’m going to take it out on your family and kill them all.”

Me: *alarmed*

Customer: *glares

Me: “Is there anything…”

Customer: “HA! HA HA HA! FOOLED YOU! You should have SEEN your face! Got you!” *strolls off*

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Definitely Not Right

, , , , , | Right | July 26, 2008

(Keep in mind I’m gay, although it’s not too obvious.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Ice Cream Shop]. What can I help you out with today?”

Customer: “Hey there, I was wondering if I could have a raspberry sorbet in a sugar cone?”

Me: “Cool. That’s going to be $1.39.”

Customer: *seductive voice* “I was hoping you could lower the price for me. I’m a little low, if you know what I mean…”

(The customer unbuttons the top two buttons on her blouse and bites her lip at me.)

Me: “Ehhh. Sorry, ma’am. I can’t fall for that.”

Customer: “What’s the matter? A little shy?” *bounces her boobs in my face*

Me: “Because that’s not ethical, and I don’t like boobs.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “I’m gay!”

Customer: “Oh, my god! You’re sick! And you looked down my shirt, you pervert!”

Me: “You undid your shirt to get free ice cream!”

Customer: “Oh, my god, sickos like you are just… just SICK! All men are filthy dogs. All you think about are naked girls and sex! I’m calling your manager to tell him what gross, perverted employees he has!” *leaves*

Me: *to Coworker* “That… that wasn’t right, was it?”

Coworker: “You should put that on NotAlwaysRight.”

Me: “I think I will.”

(She never did call our manager.)

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Please Do Not Pet The Employees

, , , | Right | June 15, 2008

(I am a volunteer at the zoo, and I am walking around an exhibit room with a boa constrictor in my arms so people can pet her.)

Man: “Can we pet it? It’s not slimy, is it?”

Me: “No, sir, not at all. She’s very sweet; go ahead.”

Man: *pets snake* “Wow, it’s really soft.” *reaches for my head* “Let’s see if its handler is, too…”

Me: “?!” *dodges his hand*

(Thankfully, he left quickly!)


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