(I’m cashiering in the early morning. An older man comes through my line and as usual I try to be friendly, polite, and provide the best service I can.)

Customer: *after I’ve finished scanning and bagging about all his things* “You know you’re a real sweetheart, and do a great job!”

Me: *smiling, as the compliment seems genuine and kind* “Thank you, sir, your total is [total]. Would you like help out to your car today?”

(He declines, pays, and I hand over his change.)

Customer: *as I hand over his bags* “If I was sixty years younger, I’d try to kiss you!”

(I’m quite shocked at this. Yes, I am a young woman in college, but I’ve never had something like this happen.)

Me: *giving a little fake chuckle* “Have a great morning, sir.”

(He laughed and walked away. I stood at my register still in slight shock. I’d heard about stuff like this happening but I honestly felt really flustered and embarrassed. In all honestly, though, I’m sure the customer didn’t mean to offend me and was just trying to be sweet.)

(The first Tuesday of every month is “10% off Tuesday.” I amv working the customer service desk when a customer brings me his receipt.)

Customer: “The cashier never took off my 10%.”

Me: *reading the receipt* “I’m sorry, sir, but you only spent $25. The promotion requires a minimum purchase of $50.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Where does it say that?!”

(I walk exactly three feet and point to the fine print of the giant sign on the window, which clearly reads “with purchase of $50 or more in a single transaction.”)

Customer: “How do you expect anyone to read that? It’s so small!”

Me: “It… it really isn’t.”

(This happens in a supermarket. I’m standing at a register, ready to pay, when a customer comes in holding several inflated balloons, asking to return them. The cashier is a young girl and obviously new, so she doesn’t know what to do and calls for a manager.)

Manager: “How can I help?”

Customer: “I’d like to return these.”

Manager: “Why?”

Customer: “They don’t float!”

Manager: “What?”

Customer: “I inflated them all myself; they don’t float!”

Manager: “How did you inflate them?”

Customer: “With a bicycle pump.”

Manager: “So, you inflated them with air. That’s why they don’t float. If you want them to float, you need to fill them with helium.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make sense! The air in the balloon is not heavier than the air in the… air.”

Manager: “But the air in the balloon plus the weight of the rubber is.”

Customer: “Wait…”

(You can almost hear the gears in the customer’s head start to grind.)

Customer: “Actually… it does make sense… D*** it, I’m stupid… but where can I get helium now?”

Manager: “I suggest you go to [Hardware Store]; they should have some. Keep in mind, though, helium bottles are large and heavy, so you’ll need a large car and some helping hands.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

(The customer hurries out of the store. The manager stares after her. A worker steps up to the manager.)

Worker: “Did she actually just admit that you were right and she was wrong?”

Manager: “Remember this day well. You’ll probably win the lottery twice before this happens again.”

(My store does a service where people order online, and an employee shops it for them to pick up later. I had just started my first order of the day and am grabbing some items from the frozen section when a customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Hi, do you know where the [Brand] burgers are?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t know exactly where they are, but they should be somewhere either in this aisle or a couple aisles over. I know that most of our burgers are in the freezer at the end of the aisle.”

Customer: “Well I just came from [Other Store] and they didn’t have them!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t know if we even have them, but they would probably be with the other burgers if we have them.”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “Don’t you work in frozen?”

Me: “No, I go around the entire store shopping items for people who order online, so I don’t know any specific part of the store too well; I’m sorry again.”

Customer: “Can you find them for me?”

Me: “I can look around the aisle for you and let you know if I see what you’re looking for, but I can’t guarantee that we have them.”

Customer: “Then why do you even work here?!”

(The customer then walked off and started complaining about me to her husband. Poor guy seemed to have had to deal with that attitude far too much. I ran into her one more time in the store and she just sneered at me.)

When products get recalled, our managers print out a copy of the information regarding the recalled products for the service desk. We’ve had quite a few recalled products lately. One was front page news — bacteria outbreak — when it happened, but a few others were merely typos on the labels. This particular event, I was working the desk with my little sister when we got handed a recall notice.

Notice: “These [breaded oysters] are being recalled because some packages contained broccoli instead of oysters.”

We still haven’t figured out how anyone could mistake broccoli for oysters, but this happened.