Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Eating At The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe

, , , , | Right | April 27, 2020

I’ve been coming to this seafood restaurant almost every day for lunch for a couple of weeks now and always bring a book with me as I get a very long lunch. This week said book just so happens to be “The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy.” I’m waiting on my food and they usually call numbers. I’m the only one in the restaurant when I hear:)

Worker: “Ford Prefect, your food is ready!”

When I leave, I ring the bell that they have in this particular chain restaurant and call back:

Me: “So long and thanks for all the fish!”

Funding The Fight Against The Decepticons

, , , | Right | April 27, 2020

Our local fire department is doing a fill-the-boot campaign where they walk out during red lights and collect money for charity. I happen to be driving my husband’s car and he has a few Autobot logos on it.

Me: “Here you go.”

Firefighter: “Thank you for your donation, Ms. Autobot!”

Give This Guy Some (Nerd) Cred

, , , , | Working | April 22, 2020

(My cousin recently got a new job at a large bank.)

HR: “Do you want us to take a photo, or do you want to submit your own photo for your staff ID card?”

Cousin: “What are the requirements?”

HR: “It can be anything as long as you’re wearing the company colours of black and red.”

(He sent in a photo dressed up as a Sith — one of the dark side factions in the “Star Wars” universe — in black robes holding a red lightsaber. They accepted it!)


This story is part of the Star Wars Day: May The Fourth roundup!

Read the next Star Wars Day: May The Fourth roundup story!

Read the Star Wars Day: May The Fourth roundup!

Who Says Video Games Aren’t Educational?

, , , , , | Related | April 1, 2020

I am a fifteen-year-old with autism so my mind works differently from others. I’m absolutely rubbish at maths and spend more time playing video games, reading, and watching “Harry Potter” and anime than I do studying or doing homework.

Me: “Last night, I got the Master Sword in Zelda!”

Mum: “Does the Master Sword help you with maths?”

Me: “Well… you need at least thirteen hearts to get the Master Sword without dying. You need four Spirit Orbs to get one Heart Container. You get one Spirit Orb per Shrine. Four times thirteen is fifty-two. I would need fifty-two Shrines to get the Master Sword.”

Later, I relay this story to one of my longest and closest friends who also has autism.

Friend: “I will never get your mind.”

Me: “One, I don’t think they were expecting that. Two, I didn’t even factor in the Heart Containers I got from Divine Beast Vah Ruta, Divine Beast Vah Naboris, and Divine Beast Vah Medoh. Zelda is educational for me.”

Friend: “I can see.”

Worse Things Have Happened To Younglings… 

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 27, 2020

(My father’s friend is hosting a Christmas dinner at their place. As the adults start drinking in the dining room, most of the kids all run up to the TV, but I decide to accompany our host’s younger son, who is around nine. He takes me to his room and wants to play.)

Son: “Let’s fight!”

(He takes out a drawer filled with toy weapons.)

Me: “Sure, but I’ll just use this.”

(I pull out my younger brother’s toy lightsaber.)

Son: “Okay, but you’re gonna lose.”

(He equips a Nerf gun and his own toy lightsaber. We stand at opposite sides of the room.)

Son: “Go!”

(He then fires his Nerf gun at me, but I block the bullet with my lightsaber, stride forward, and knock both of his weapons aside with the lightsaber before tapping him lightly on the neck)

Me: “You’ve been decapitated.”

Son: “What? How did you do that?

Me: “The people in my fencing class can stab faster than a Nerf bullet.”

Son: “Cool! You’re a Jedi!”

Me: *deepens voice* “May the Force be with you, youngling.”

(I was telling the truth; my fencing classmates are fast. But I was actually watching the barrel of his gun and angling my lightsaber to be directly in front of it. Don’t tell him that, though. I have the reputation of a Jedi to maintain.)