I am talking with the married coworkers from this story.

Wife: “If I don’t stop him, he wears clothes with holes in. He’s terrible.”

[Husband] mutters.

Me: “I’ve noticed that my socks don’t wear out evenly, surprisingly, so if I put two pairs on, the holes don’t line up and they’re still wearable.”

[Husband] starts listening with interest.

Wife: “DON’T GIVE HIM IDEAS!”

Related:
Married To A Yes-Man

My best friend and I are shopping at a mall, and just for fun, we have decided to dress alike. We are both wearing black and purple Tripp pants and black tops.

We stop at an alternative clothing store for a bit and start browsing the back wall. Someone says, “Excuse me,” loudly, and [Friend] assumes they want the shirts he is currently standing in front of, so he moves to the side a bit. 

This is followed up by a louder, “Excuse me!” so he turns to see which section they’re trying to get to so that he can get out of their way.

Friend: “Am I blocking the shirts, or did you want these tops over here?”

Customer: “I need you to unlock the fitting area for me.”

[Friend] realizes what’s happening.

Friend: “Oh, sorry, I don’t work here. I think I saw an employee over by the anime stuff, though.”

Customer: “Are you sure you don’t work here?”

Friend: “Yes.”

Customer: “Because your coworker over there is wearing the exact same uniform as you.”

Friend: “Oh, she’s my bestie. We decided to match today because it makes people think we’re twins.”

Customer: “You’re a guy; she’s a girl.”

Friend: “Yeah, but people see the matching outfits and assume we are.”

Customer: “You’ve told this lie before, haven’t you?”

Friend: “It’s not a lie. We’re not employees here. Please leave us alone.”

The customer actually leaves, and we assume that’s the end of it. Unfortunately, it is not.

About ten minutes later, the customer comes over with an employee in tow and points us both out.

Customer: “Them. They told me some bulls*** story about them being twins.”

Employee: “Uhh, they aren’t employees here. I think they’re matching because they really are twins.”

Customer: “They can’t be twins. They’re not both boys or girls.”

I have a mental “WTF” moment.

Employee: “I can’t do anything if people want to dress alike in our stores. I’d be happy to help you find what you’re looking for today.”

Finally, the employee is able to corral the customer away from us.

Friend: “Twins now have to be the same sex?”

Me: “Dude, I told you the public school system here sucks. But hey, next time, you could cross-dress.”

I’m on the phone with a friend late at night. I’m working with some software for a hobby, and she’s writing a paper for school.

Friend: “Why won’t this period delete?!”

Me: “Is it a speck on your screen?”

There’s a moment of silence.

Friend: “Yes…”

Me: *Trying not to laugh* “That’s what you get for writing a paper at 11:42 at night!”

It’s a Monday morning, and I’m woken up by my ringing phone. The caller ID says it’s my friend, so I grab it to answer.

Me: “What?”

Friend: “Best friend! Thank God you answered. I’ve been trying to call you since yesterday!”

Me: “What’s up?”

Friend: “I think my [Money App] got hacked. [Her Ex] has a bunch of charges on his account in my name from it, but they’re not mine! He’s at his bank trying to sort it out and wants to file a police report for it, but I told him not to! If work gets wind of this, even though I didn’t do it, I’ll be fired! I handle money; if they think I’m in trouble for theft like this, I’ll be on the streets! You work for a bank; what do I do?!”

Me: “Okay. You were probably involved in a data breach. Change your password.”

Friend: “I did!”

Me: “Contact this app and see if you can get an idea of where the money was spent and where the charges originated. That will help alleviate worries that you did it if the IP was too far away to have been you.”

Friend: “Okay! I will! God, this is awful. I never even got that debit card.”

Me: “Wait, wait, wait, back up. ‘Debit card’? This isn’t some app like [Popular Cash App]?”

Friend: “No, it’s like online banking and stuff. I ordered a card and never got it.”

Me: “Okay. You’re f****** stupid is what you are. Report that card stolen; you should have done that when you didn’t get it the first time. Figure out where the charges were done, like, X amount of money spent at [Big Box Store], Y amount of money spent at [Local Gas Station]. Go talk to the managers of those places and see if you can get security footage of the person using it. Or just file the police report as your card being stolen. That’s best, actually; do that instead. You won’t get in trouble if it’s a stolen card; you’re fine.”

Friend: “Oh! Okay. I was thinking maybe I should do that, but I wanted your input on it. I ordered a new card from them.”

Me: “If it’s not here by Friday, call them like you should have last time.”

Friend: “Okay, will do. I’ve been worried sick! I tried calling you yesterday, but I couldn’t get through!”

Me: “I work six days a week; if you’re having a crisis on my one day off, that’s between you and God.”

I am leaving work just after closing. The store I work at is in a strip mall, and directly next to us is a chain thrift store location, which I know closes at the same time we do.

As I head to my car, I see a woman standing outside the doors to the thrift store holding a large flatscreen TV, which I assume she is either trying to donate (donations are around the back and there are signs everywhere) or return (this thrift store chain does not accept returns). However, this woman seems determined.

Standing about a dozen feet away next to a parked car is a second woman. She has the car door already opened and is calling over to [Woman #1], clearly trying to convince her to leave.

Woman #2: “Come on, they’re closed!”

Woman #1: “No, they’re not! I can see people moving around in there!”

Woman #2: “Girl, those are employees! They’re just cleaning and stuff. Let’s go!”

[Woman #1] tried to whip around, presumably to continue arguing with her friend, but the motion made the TV slip from her arms, causing its screen to shatter spectacularly as it hit the pavement face-down.

Both women just stood there and, not wanting to get caught staring, I got in my car and left. I do feel kind of bad for [Woman #1] that her TV broke, but I’ll never forget the exhausted, “Why are you like this?” tone with which [Woman #2] said, “Those are employees.”

It gave me strength to see that there are some customers out there who aren’t idiots and are willing to call out their friends for being idiots.