Me: “Good morning.”

Customer: “Do you sell hot chocolate?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do.”

Customer: “How much is a small?”

Me: “It’s [price].”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take a small white mocha.”

Me: “…”

(I am waiting in a rather short line at the grocery store. There is an elderly woman in front of me, and a mother with her adult daughter in front of her. For a short line, it is taking a good ten minutes for the cashier to finish scanning the items. The customer hasn’t started bagging the items yet; the bagger is on a different lane at the moment. After watching what is going on for several minutes, the elderly woman taps the daughter on the shoulder and asks sweetly:)

Elderly Woman: “Excuse me, sweetie. How old are you?”

Daughter: “I just turned 21!”

Elderly Woman: “Then get off your a** and help your mother.”

(I choke back laughter. The mother is sputtering and ANGRY, but she can’t get the words out, which is so funny to me.)

Cashier: “At least someone said it.”

(The bagger from the other lane comes over, bags the groceries, put them in the cart, and wishes the lady a nice day. The woman and her daughter leave quickly.)

Elderly Woman: *to the cashier* “I’m sorry about that, darling. It irks me when kids these days expect other people to do everything for them.”

Cashier: *to [Elderly Woman]* “It’s okay. I remember their faces.”

Me: *erupts in laughter*

(It’s a very slow Thursday at the store where I work. I am alone at the service desk, one of the other girls is on a break, and the third girl is putting away returned stock. It’s so slow that I’m surfing NAR discreetly. A woman walks up with her credit card bill in her hand.)

Customer: *looking around* “Can you help me here?”

Me: *joking* “I’m sorry, ma’am. You’ll have to wait in line.”

(I wait a beat, and then continue, as there is definitely no line.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I can help you here.”

Customer: *also joking* “Oh, good, that wait was ridiculous. You need more help here!”

Me: “I know, ma’am, but labor and budgets, and blah blah blah.”

(I’ve finished her transaction, so I hand her the receipt and wish her a good day.)

Customer: “You, too. I hope it slows down a bit!”

(I cracked up and she laughed her way out the door.)

(My friend has come to visit me. She is currently trying to get her life together, and I’m spotting her breakfast at a twenty-four hour restaurant. We pull up and park, and get out of the car, and a group of people come out the door, screaming and yelling. A waitress and the chef are telling them that they have to go now and they are loudly disputing it. Nothing much is clear, but I can hear the waitress repeatedly tell them that they can ‘just go on home’. Once they take off, we head inside.)

Me: “Sounds like you’ve had a bit of trouble tonight.”

Waitress #1: “Yeah, they were being rowdy.”

Me: “I can’t understand why people behave that way.”

Waitress #2: “Alcohol and testosterone, hon.”

Me: “Man, if that was half as crazy as it looked when we pulled up, you should go to this website. It’s called notalwaysright.com.”

Waitress #1: “Yeah, that’d be really funny. Maybe I will.”

(The waitresses go back to their work and Waitress #2 serves us. She keeps saying ‘alcohol and testosterone’. We talk about it for a bit, and eventually I comment:)

Me: “Yeah, that’ll usually do it.”

(Nothing much more happens, but at the end of the meal, when I pay, I tip them more than 10% of my bill. They deserve it, especially since I learn as we’re walking out that the bad customers didn’t pay their whole tab. Those ladies were so nice to me and my friend, and efficient too! Thank you, ladies! I hope that they don’t cause you any more problems!)

(I work at a very small coffee shop on a college campus. Besides coffee, we sell pastries, snacks, and juices. I am the only employee who works here. Because of this, in between classes the line can get pretty backed up.

At this point there are about 2 minutes before the next class starts and I have 2 drinks lined up to make. The next customer in line is waiting at the counter.)

Me: *as I start making the next drink* I’ll be right with you sir!

Student: I JUST WANT A BOTTLE OF WATER!

Me: *stops making drink* okay….

(He pays in silence)

Me: Have a good day!

Student: *storms off*