She’s Suda-Fed Up

, , , , , , | Right | November 8, 2017

It’s the height of our spring pollen season here, and I’m checking out groceries to my customers in front of the big, sliding-glass shop-front doors.

I feel a sneeze coming on, so I turn away from my customer, sneeze, and excuse myself, laughing it off and commenting about the pollen.

My customer is a tiny, wizened little old lady, at least in her eighties.

She blesses me, and, without missing a beat, follows it with, “The d*** pollen’s so thick out there, the druggies are trying to convert their meth back to Sudafed!”

I stare, stunned. That comment has been floating around social media for a couple of weeks now, but this tiny old lady caught me completely off-guard!

Arkansas That Coming

, , , , , , | Right | November 6, 2017

(In Arkansas there are “dry counties” where no alcohol is sold. While returning home from a long drive along I-40, I stop at a gas station in one of these “dry counties.” The cashier is ringing up my order when a man cuts in line to ask a question. He is clearly from out of state.)

Customer: “Where is the beer?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t sell alcohol in this county.”

Customer: “You’re kidding me. Are you all a bunch of redneck hicks or something in Arkansas? It’s just beer! That’s crazy!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir; it’s the law. We’re a dry county. In about 15 miles, Pulaski County is a wet county.”

Customer: “You’re all a bunch of idiots! I shouldn’t have to drive that far. It’s just beer!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry I can’t help you. You will have to drive about 15 miles.”

Customer: “Fine, a**hole!” *storms out the door*

Cashier: *to me* “I’m sorry about that. Will that be all?”

Me: “You realize it’s Sunday, right?”

(No alcohol can be sold in all of Arkansas on Sunday in any county.)

Cashier: “Oh, crap! That’s right!”

(To this day, I’m not sure if he was being sarcastic or not.)

NovoPAIN!

, , | Healthy | November 3, 2017

(I am having a filling in my tooth replaced with a new material.)

Me: “So, doctor, I’ve had problems in the past with Novocain not really working with the standard dose. I may need a slightly larger dose to fully numb the area up.”

Dentist: “It’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

(I do worry, but I decide maybe he’s using something a little stronger than I’ve been given before. He begins to drill out the current filling and I jump, because I can clearly feel the vibrations, when I know I shouldn’t.)

Me: “No, stop! It’s not numbed!”

Dentist: “No, that’s normal. Don’t worry.”

(He continues to drill, and I can FEEL IT. I squirm and yell and try to smack his arm with my free hand, but he just tells me to be still. He continues on, and for a brief moment, the pain is so intense, everything looks silver. So, I do the only thing I know that will stop him at this point. I bite him, which tears his latex glove.)

Dentist: “What was that for?!”

Me: “PAIN IS F****** SILVER!”

(In the end, I got my larger dose of Novocain to fully numb the area, and a note in my file that I need at least a dose and a half.)

No Offense, But Sexism

, , , , | Right | October 26, 2017

(I’m a female and work in a large computer lab with two other employees, both male. Although most patrons have no problem with me helping them, I have run into situations where patrons refuse my help outright and ask for a male employee.)

Patron: “Can I get some help, please?”

Me: “Sure.”

Patron: “Uh… No offense. I’d feel better if [Male Employee] helped me. It’s just that he looks smarter.”

Me: “Uh… Offense taken.”

(The kicker is he was using a program that I often use, and neither one of my male coworkers knows how to use it very well.)

Paging Strange Requests

, , , , , | Right | October 19, 2017

(I am an associate manager, and I have just answered a call. There is an elderly woman on the line.)

Me: “Good afternoon. Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: *raspy voice* “I understand your restaurant doesn’t have a paging service. I am looking to get in touch with my friend, [Friend]. She should be in the dining room with her son. She has grey hair and wears glasses.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the restaurant seats almost 300 people, and we are full and busy. I am unable to go and find your friend. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No, I guess not.” *hangs up*

(About 30 minutes go by and another associate manager tells me about the strangest call.)

Coworker: “Yes, it was so strange. She wanted me to go out into the dining room and find some woman with glasses. I wasn’t sure what to do. So, I indulged her for a minute and put her on hold while I went to ‘look.’ I came back to the phone to tell her I couldn’t find her friend. Once I told her the news she became a bit upset and said, ‘Today is a very unlucky day for you. Upon connection to my friend I was going to give you $1,000.’ Then, she hung up. How strange.”

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