He Is So Not Ready For Fortnite

, , , , , | Related | November 22, 2019

(On my way back to my department from lunch, I pass a mom with two small kids in her cart. The boy is about five years old, and is teary and sniffling.)

Boy: “That really hurt my feelings!”

Mom: “Oh?”

Boy: “The game really hurt my feelings!”

Mom: “Dying in the game hurt your feelings?”

Boy: “Yeah…”

Mom: “I’m sorry, honey.”

Lunch Is Dangerous To Your Health

, , , , | Right | September 25, 2019

(At my pharmacy, we have only one pharmacist on the weekends. Because of that, we have to close for a half-hour on the weekends due to labor laws so that our pharmacist can get a lunch. We close at the same time every weekend to avoid confusion with regular customers. At exactly two minutes to lunch, a man comes rushing up to the pharmacy.)

Husband: “I just got out of the emergency room. My doctor told me I need all of these right away, especially the pain medication.”

(He proceeds to hand me about five new prescriptions.)

Me: “I apologize, sir, we are about to close for our scheduled lunch, but we would be happy to fill it for you in thirty minutes when we get back.”

Husband: “I can’t wait! We’re traveling to Texas and I need my medicine!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but if we don’t leave right now, our systems will shut us out. We are required to take a lunch at this time.”

(He takes his prescriptions and stomps away. As we are getting ready to close everything up, his wife comes over.)

Irate Wife: “Why won’t you fill his medication?!”

Me: “Ma’am, we will be happy to fill his prescription as soon as we get back from lunch.”

Irate Wife: “This is ridiculous. Where else am I supposed to get this medication?”

(The pharmacist decides to step in.)

Pharmacist: “Ma’am, we have to close for lunch now, but we’ll be back in thirty minutes and will be happy to fill your husband’s prescriptions then.”

Irate Wife: “We’re travelling; we don’t have time to wait!”

Pharmacist: “If I may ask, where are you travelling to?”

Irate Wife: “We’re on our way to Texas.”

Pharmacist: “If you don’t want to wait here for the medicine, there is another pharmacy in our chain on your route. By the time you get there, they will be back from their lunch and be able to fill your medicine.”

Irate Wife: “This is ridiculous! I want all of your names; I’m reporting you to home office!”

(Our pharmacist calmly gives her our names and the woman leaves with her husband.)

Fellow Pharmacy Technician: “So, she’s reporting us for… following the law?”

Me: “Yes. Yes, she is.”

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Will Need A Sedative For The Husband

, , , , , | Right | September 25, 2019

(I work as a pharmacy technician. On the weekends, we don’t get drug shipments, which can lead to some… interesting situations.)

Customer: “I need to get this prescription filled. It’s for my wife; she’s at home waiting for it.”

Me: “Certainly, sir, just let me put it into our system.”

(I proceed to enter the patient’s information into our computer.)

Me: “All right, sir, it will be about fifteen minutes.”

Customer: “I’ll just wait right here. She needs it tonight.”

(As we are beginning to fill the prescription, we realize we have none of the medication he needs. The pharmacist calls him over.)

Pharmacist: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we don’t have any of this medicine here. We can order it today and it will be here Monday.”

Customer: “I don’t have time to wait; she needs it tonight!”

Pharmacist: “Well, I can call another pharmacy to see if they have any.”

Customer: “You do that!”

(The pharmacist calls the other store. They have two of the pills, which should be enough to get the man’s wife through the weekend.)

Pharmacist: “Sir, the pharmacy in [Town about thirty minutes away] has enough of this drug to get her through the weekend. Would you like to transfer this prescription there?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to drive that far!”

Pharmacist: “Well, I can call the doctor to see about getting it changed to something we do have.”

Customer: “Fine, call them now! Hurry up. She needs this d*** medicine tonight!”

(The pharmacist calls the doctor. He refuses to change the medicine. The pharmacist explains that the customer is insisting that they need the medication tonight. The doctor informs us that she can wait to start the treatment on Monday without any problems.)

Pharmacist: “Okay, sir, I called the doctor and he wouldn’t change it, but he said it would be fine for your wife to wait until Monday to begin the treatment.”

Customer: “She needs the medicine tonight! I don’t understand why you won’t just give me the d*** pills!”

Pharmacist: “Sir, we don’t have a single one of those pills to give you.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. They had them at the hospital. Why can’t one of you just go to the hospital and get some more of them?! She needs them!”

Pharmacist: “I’m sorry, it’s not legal for us to do that. Your doctor said your wife will be fine until Monday.”

Customer: “Why won’t you just fill my d*** prescription?”

Pharmacist: “Because, sir, we don’t have any of the pills.”

Customer: “This is bulls***. If anything happens to her, it’s your fault!”

(The customer left, angry. He was back on Monday to pick up his wife’s prescription. And guess what? She was fine.)

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This Method Is Fairy Effective

, , , | Right | September 20, 2019

(My coworker routinely screens outside calls to weed out cold-call salesmen.)

Coworker: “Thanks for calling our company. This is [Coworker]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “I would like to speak to [My Name].”

Coworker: “May I ask who’s calling?”

Caller: “This is [Caller].”

(Neither of us recognizes the name or voice.)

Coworker: “May I ask what the call is in reference to?”

Caller: “No. It is a personal call and I need to speak to [My Name] directly.”

(He puts her on mute and asks if I want to take the call; I don’t.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am. But I will need to know the nature of the call.”

Caller: “Well, I’m not telling you! I need to speak directly with [My Name]!”

Coworker: “If you don’t give me the reason for your call I won’t be able to put you through.”

Caller: *yelling* “WHAT ARE YOU? THE PHONE FAIRY?!”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am. I even have little fairy wings on my back.”

Caller: *click*

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Nine Lives Won’t Be Enough

, , , | Right | September 20, 2019

(I am an agricultural student at my high school. When we have our annual plant sale, I always volunteer my time on the weekends to help my teachers, considering no one else likes to do it. This happens one weekend when I am working.)

Customer: “Excuse me, ma’am, can you tell me what plant this is?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, that is catnip.”

Customer: “Wow, I did not know you guys sold that here.”

Me: “We typically don’t, but we were cleaning and found an old package of seeds and planted them as a joke, but to our surprise, they took off!”

Customer: “How much for one?”

Me: “$1.50 per pot.”

Customer: “Wow, that’s cheap!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we try and keep our prices fairly low.”

Customer: “That’s neat! I’ll take ten!”

Me: *taken aback by the sheer number she is getting and starting to wonder how many cats she must have* “All right, with all the other plants that you are getting here today, your price will be [price].”

Customer: *pays*

Me: “I can bring your stuff out to you if you would like.”

Customer: “Oh, yes, please.”

Me: *loads the plants into her car, and my curiosity has finally gotten the best of me* “If you don’t mind my asking, how many cats do you have?”

Customer: “Oh, just one.”

(The customer leaves and I walk back to my post, apparently looking distraught enough to catch my teacher’s attention.)

Teacher: “You okay?”

Me: “Yes, but a woman just came and bought ten catnip plants for one cat…”

Teacher: “Lord have mercy on that cat… I hope she does not kill it…”

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