(My girlfriend and I have just kissed for the first time.)

Me: “That was actually my first kiss ever.”

Girlfriend: “Oh, I didn’t know!”

(I tell her a joke.)

Girlfriend: *confused* “Why are you telling me a joke now?”

Me: “Well, people say you always remember your first kiss, and since I am never able to remember jokes, I wonder if I would now remember this one forever!”

(That was over 13 years ago. We’re happily married, and I still remember I told her a joke. Unfortunately, I really can’t remember which joke it was anymore. So much for that plan. The good news is that I fondly remember the kiss though!)

(I am eating dinner with a few coworkers. I am talking about my fiancé.)

Me: “We were actually friends for a few years before we started dating. I kinda friend-zoned him for a long time.”

Coworker: “Wow.”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “Your fiancé and Ron Weasley are the only two people I know who have ever made it out of the friend-zone.”

(I’m 15 and my boyfriend is 17. He is my first ever boyfriend. One day I am not feeling too well, and he shows up at my house with flowers. It is very romantic. Two months later, it is coming up to Valentine’s Day.)

Me: “Do you want to do anything for Valentine’s Day? I’ve never had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day before.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, we can do something, but I’m not getting you flowers. I already got you flowers not that long ago.”

(He isn’t joking. Fast forward to Valentine’s Day, and he has gotten me a teddy and a box of chocolates. I am only 15 and don’t have much money, so I only get him a teddy.)

Boyfriend: “Okay, but I get half the chocolates I got you, because you didn’t get me any. We’re also not going out to dinner because you can’t pay for half, and it’s unfair on me.”

(We go for a walk in the park, and he buys himself a sandwich and offers me half. When we get back to his house, he goes to the bathroom and his mum comes up to me.)

Boyfriend’s Mum: “How was the meal?”

Me: “We didn’t go for a meal; we just went for a walk.”

Boyfriend’s Mum: “But [Boyfriend] said you were going to [Mexican Restaurant].”

Me: “We were, but we decided against it because I couldn’t half the bill with him. I spent my last bit of money on his teddy.”

Boyfriend’s Mum: “But I told him I would pay. I gave him the money before you left.”

Me: “Sorry… I don’t know what to tell you.”

(My boyfriend comes downstairs.)

Boyfriend’s Mum: “What the h*** is going on. You didn’t go out?!”

Boyfriend: “Of course we did; didn’t we?” *winks at me*

Boyfriend’s Mum: “No, [My Name] didn’t have any idea I gave you the money; she says you just walked around the park.”

Boyfriend: “We did go out, though.”

Boyfriend’s Mum: “Give me the money back.”

Boyfriend: “I can’t; I spent it on dinner.”

Boyfriend’s Mum: “Now!”

Boyfriend: “I DON’T HAVE IT!”

Boyfriend’s Mum: “You give me the money back now.”

Boyfriend: “Fine!”

(My boyfriend hands his mum the money back.)

Boyfriend’s Mum: “Where’s the rest of it?”

Boyfriend: “I bought a sandwich. Is that all right?!”

(His mum leaves and we go upstairs.)

Boyfriend: “If you ever go crying to my mum again just because I didn’t take you out, you’re dumped. You got that?”

(Unfortunately, he was first ever boyfriend, so I stayed with him for over a year. Worst year of my life.)

(It’s Valentine’s Day. The bakery that I work at is flooded with couples on dates. At the end of my shift around seven pm, I’m about to leave when I notice a girl sitting alone, staring at her cell phone while crying.)

Me: “Miss, are you all right?”

(She looks up to see me, and quickly tries to hide her tears.)

Girl: “No. Nothing’s wrong. Was I bothering anyone?”

Me: “No, I just heard you crying and I thought you were having a problem.”

Girl: “No, I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

(It is obvious that she is upset, but I don’t want to pry it out of her. As I begin to walk away, I hear her crying start to pick up. To try and cheer her up, I go to the counter and buy her one of our cupcakes. With the cupcake in my hand, I go to her table and place the cupcake in front of her. She takes a moment to look at it, and then looks at me.)

Girl: “What’s this for?”

Me: “You just look like you need something to cheer you up. It’s on the house.”

(I smile at her, which she returns with her own smile. I proceed to turn around and walk away, but she stops me. She points to the seat, prompting me to take it. I sit down and listen to her story. She learned that she’s pregnant, and wanted to tell her boyfriend of four years. However, she was dumped via text message because he didn’t believe the baby was his. The further she gets into her story, the more she cries. At the end of the story, she is completely in tears.)

Girl: “I just… I don’t understand. We’ve been together for four years. Why would he do this now?”

Me: “I’m sorry for what happened, but that’s life.”

Girl: “What?”

Me: “I don’t mean to sound like an a**, but that is unfortunately how life works. You think you find that one thing that makes life special, only to find out in a rude awakening that it isn’t true.”

Girl: “That sounds a bit like experience.”

Me: “Yeah, I’ve been through two relationships already. In both of them I was dumped. It was painful, but I just kept believing that there would eventually be someone for me. I just stopped trying to look. I promise you that you’ll find someone just for you.”

(The girl is dead silent, trying to process everything I’ve said.)

Me: “Listen, if you don’t really have any plans, do you want to go see a movie or something?”

(Her eyes go bright and she smiles. I take it as a yes, and proceed to take her out. We spend three hours together, watching a movie and getting to know each other a bit more. I take her home and she surprises me with a kiss on my cheek before she jumps out of the car without a care in the world. That was five years ago. We’re now married with beautiful twin girls.)

(My first boyfriend and I are thirteen, and we are having our first fight. Neither of us has ever kissed anyone. We find a relatively empty hallway to argue in. None of my friends know I have a boyfriend, and we’re both big nerds.)

Me: “I can’t believe you! I… I… I hope you step on a Lego!”

Boyfriend: “Oh, yeah? I hope you step on a Lego set.”

Me: “I hope you step on the Lego Eiffel Tower!”

Boyfriend: “Well, I hope you step on a Lego Taj Mahal.”

Me: “I hope you step on a Lego Super Star Destroyer!”

Boyfriend: “Really? I hope you step on a Lego Death Star!”

Me: “That would be the destruction of art.”

(With no warning, he steps forward and kisses me. I am kind of surprised at first, but we have been kissing for about five seconds when my two best friends turn the corner of the hallway, looking for me. They know him as my good guy friend and stop in shock.)

Me: “I… we…”

Boyfriend: “Well, she said stepping on a Lego Death Star would be the destruction of art, and I really couldn’t help it.”

(My friends practically fell over themselves laughing. Ten years later, he proposed to me on Valentine’s Day evening. We’re getting married in May, and my friends are set to be my bridesmaids. Whenever anyone asks how we met, I tell them I threatened to step on the Death Star.)

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