Like most online shops, our system automatically sends a confirmation when something ships out. This is true even when it’s a replacement on an existing order; a new confirmation goes out for the replacement shipment.

Caller: “I just got an email that you’re charging my card for the replacement on [order number], and the guy I just spoke to told me we wouldn’t have to pay for that.”

I pull up the order and see a confirmation time-stamped one minute earlier.

Me: “Yes, that email we sent was a confirmation that a new shipment is coming your way, but we have it here as a no-cost replacement.”

Caller: “Then, why did I get an email from my credit card company that I was just charged for this item?”

There’s no way this can be true. Our payment system is leftover from the early 1970s, and credit card payments run overnight. There isn’t even a way to override that manually; the most we can do is a “preauthorization,” but even that doesn’t properly charge your card. This is beside the point because we aren’t charging him for the replacement, anyway.

Me: “I’m sorry, but our credit cards run overnight. There’s no way that email could be about this order. And you’re not being charged for the replacement.”

Caller: “It’s from MasterCard, and it says [Company] is charging my card for this order from today.”

Me: “Are there any other outstanding orders this could be about?”

Caller: “No, that should be the only one.”

I confirm this on my end.

Caller: “I don’t see why you people would charge me to replace something that ain’t my fault!”

Me: “Sir. We did not charge your credit card for this replacement, nor will we charge your card. It is not possible for us to have run a payment on your card right now because our payments run overnight. Now, if you received a message from your credit card company regarding a payment to us, that’s something I’m going to have to look into further and get back to you about. I don’t see anything related to that on my end.”

Caller: *Shouting to someone on his end* “Was that email from MasterCard?” *Some shuffling and muffled voices* “The email is from [Your Company] from [time stamp of the confirmation].”

Me: “Yes, as I said, that’s a confirmation of your replacement shipment.”

Caller: “Then why is my credit card on there?

It finally clicks.

Me: “It says, ‘credit card,’ on the confirmation because that is how you originally paid for the order. Again, we are not actually charging for the replacement shipment.”

Caller: “Hmph! You’d better not!” *Hangs up*

Caller: “Hi, this is [Caller]. I just received a voicemail from [Employee] over at your company about shipping out replacements on my order. I wanted to confirm that that was in the works?”

If we have a record of the phone number, it will bring up their account information and thus easy access to their order history. This caller’s phone number has no matches.

Me: “Okay, let me find the order and confirm that’s in the works. What’s the order information?”

Caller: “Oh, I don’t have any of that. It’s on my computer, but I’m not there right now.”

Me: “Okay, let me see if I can track it down. Is it under your name?”

Caller: “Try William [Last Name].”

Me: “And the name of the company?” 

He gives the name of a large multinational conglomerate with dozens of locations worldwide.

Me: “Okay, and which address did it ship to?”

Caller: “Uh, I don’t know. I think it’s somewhere in Florida? Orlando or Miami, maybe?”

This is not helpful information. I find several locations for the corporation in Florida, but I can’t find any recent requests in our system for any of them.

Me: “I didn’t see anything under that name. Was it placed online? What’s the email address?”

Caller: “It was placed online, but I don’t know the email address. But it was for [item].”

Me: “Do you have the part number?”

Caller: “No, but it’s [item].”

My company sells many different types of that item. Pulling up all orders would not be worth anyone’s time.

Me: “Um, okay, do you know the date it was placed?”

Caller: “Maybe a month ago? A month and a half? Two or three months?”

So, no, you don’t know. I am growing frustrated but am trying to keep my customer service voice on. 

Me: “I’m sorry, but I need some more information from you to get this going. There are too many locations of [Large Multinational Conglomerate] in Florida to search through. We can’t narrow down the date range. I couldn’t find anything under your name.”

Caller: “Oh, try Jeff [Same Last Name As Before].”

I finally find the order after several more minutes. It was placed six months ago under Jeff, NOT William. The order shipped to [Large Multinational Conglomerate] in Nebraska.

Me: *Finally wrapping this up* “Did you want the PO number in case you need to call back again?”

Caller: “No, it’s on my desktop.” 

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

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I am in the phone center for an online retailer. A portion of our calls is helping people navigate the website, reset passwords — very basic tech troubleshooting. Since we’re not an Internet provider or actual tech support, we cannot nor have we ever been able to remotely access a customer’s computer. I get this type of call maybe two or three times a month.

Me: “[Company], this is [My Name]. How can I help?”

Caller: “I’m having trouble with your website. I’m trying to place an order, and it’s giving me the spinny thingy.”

Me: “Let’s take a look. Can you describe the issue in further detail? Are you getting any sort of error message?”

Caller: “Well, can you see what’s on my screen right now? It’s doing that.”

A word of unsolicited advice: if our company, or any company, can magically beam onto your device from a phone call and view what you’re doing without you giving any sort of identifying information, let alone permission for them to do so, YOU SHOULD HANG UP IMMEDIATELY.

I work in customer service for a healthcare insurance company. Healthcare insurance is mandatory in the Netherlands, so everyone has it — except if you object because of religious reasons, but then you have to pay for every form of care yourself, which is extremely expensive.

Because it is mandatory, we get a lot of calls from people asking what actually gets covered and what doesn’t get covered by their insurance, as they haven’t really looked it up. A lot of weird things get covered at this time, including stuff like reincarnation therapy and bleaching your teeth, so nothing really surprises me.

Me: “Hi, [Healthcare Insurance Company]. What can I help you with?”

Caller: “Hi. I was wondering if installing a new cover for my chair will get covered by my insurance? I pay a lot, you know.”

I look it up in the system, and guess what, there is actually a way to get this compensated.

Me: “Do you perhaps need a chair cover that’s made of anti-allergic material? Because that would get covered as long as you can provide a doctor’s note showing you are extremely or deathly allergic to certain materials and need a special cover.”

Caller: “No, I am not. The chair is dirty and needs a new cover.”

Me: “Ah, I’m afraid that won’t be covered by healthcare insurance. I’m sorry.”

The caller suddenly starts screaming at the top of her lungs.

Caller: “You are killing my son! You are killing him!“

Me: “I’m sorry, is your son allergic? I don’t understand—”

Caller: “My son won’t eat if he’s sitting on a dirty f****** chair! If he doesn’t eat, he dies! You’re killing him!“

Me: “Um… I…”

Caller: “I cannot change the chair cover myself as I am rheumatic, so you had better make sure I will get a new cover compensated and installed!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am, but it would only get covered if you or your son were extremely or deadly allergic to—”

Caller: “No! You will get this compensated for me!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but that’s not possible. I don’t want to sound rude, but isn’t it possible to ask a friend or family member to change—”

Caller: “You are the reason my son will be dead soon! You are a child killer! I hope you die!” *Click*

Either teach your son that sitting on a dirty chair is no reason to stop eating or ask someone else to change the cover for you. Let him sit on the couch, instead, or buy a new chair. There are so many solutions; wishing someone dead is not one of them!

The online company I work for has up to 100 days for a regular return of all unused and undamaged articles you order from us. Quite a simple rule. It’s written almost everywhere on our website.

This customer recently returned articles from six or seven different orders, where the youngest order was made in November 2020. We’re now in April 2021. 

The oldest order in the return was made in 2018.

I was lost for words when the customer asked when they would get their money back. They sounded surprised when I told them about the 100-day policy and that I couldn’t guarantee that they would get any refund at all.

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Refunder Blunder, Part 55
Refunder Blunder, Part 54
Refunder Blunder, Part 53
Refunder Blunder, Part 52