No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 8

| Right | September 23, 2015

Me: “Thank you for calling [Credit Card Services]. I’m [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to make a payment.”

(I take payment.)

Customer: “Am I late?”

Me: “Unfortunately, yes. The cut off time is midnight Eastern Time. But I can look into the late fee for you.”

Customer: “YOU GUYS ARE ALWAYS MAKING UP RULES TO SCREW THE CUSTOMER!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I’m in Texas! It’s not midnight where I am!”

Me: “I understand that, but we go by eastern time—”

Customer: “That’s just a made up rule!”

Me: “Sir, time is not a made up rule…”

Related
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 6
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 5

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I Physically Despair

| Right | August 14, 2015

Me: “It appears you’re going to have to get your title notarized at a local bank for us to transfer that title out of your name.”

Customer: “You mean I have to do something physical outside of the house?”

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Not Speaking The Same Language

| Right | August 11, 2015

Caller: “It says select a language. What do I do?”

Me: “Select your language.”

Caller: “So if I go to another country, I can change it to their language?”

Me: “You could but you’re still going to be the one using the phone so you would probably still want to leave it on a language you speak.”

Caller: “Oh, okay.”

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Would Be Quicker If Used Carrier Pigeon

| Working | July 28, 2015

(I have ordered a new phone from this company, but when I receive the phone, it is programmed for the wrong carrier, even though I had specified my carrier when purchasing. So, I call their customer service. I have been on hold for 15 minutes.)

Customer Service: “Hello, how can I assist you today?”

Me: “Hello, I ordered a phone from you for [Carrier] and received a phone for [Other Carrier] instead. I would like to return this phone and have the correct one sent to me.”

Customer Service: “Okay, let me pull up your order.” *clicking* “All right, I see here that you ordered [Phone] on the special $99 offer if you signed a two-year contract, and you need to return it? What is wrong with it?”

Me: “I just need to exchange it; you sent me a phone for [Other Carrier] when I specified that I needed [Carrier].”

Customer Service: “We cannot accept exchanges unless the phone is damaged and you have a care plan for it. How is the phone damaged?”

Me: “It’s not damaged; you sent me the wrong product, and I would like the phone that is programmed for [Carrier].”

Customer Service: “Oh, okay, well there is a way to connect your phone to [Carrier]. Let me walk you through it.”

(Proceeds to have me try to reprogram the phone myself; this takes about 45 minutes.)

Me: “It’s telling me that I can only connect to [Other Carrier] network and not the one I need. Can you please just send me another phone and I can return this one?”

Customer Service: “Let me talk to my supervisor.”

(I am on hold for 30 minutes, and then the supervisor gets on.)

Supervisor: “Okay, so you need to return your phone and exchange for another phone. How is the phone damaged?”

Me: “Like I told the rep before, it isn’t damaged; you sent me a phone for [Other Carrier] when I specified [Carrier] on my order. You sent me the wrong phone and I want what I paid for.”

Supervisor: “Well, our policy is not to return or exchange any items unless there is a factory default.”

Me: “Fine, your factory defaulted me a phone with the wrong carrier. Why is this so hard to switch out? I don’t understand? It’s fine; the phone is in working order, but my plan is through [Carrier] which was specified on my order, but you sent me a phone for [Other Carrier]. You guys made the mistake; I want it fixed, now.”

Supervisor: “Let me put you on hold for a few minutes to talk to my supervisor.”

(I am very frustrated at this point, and am again on hold for almost 45 minutes, so I am seething when the new supervisor picks up the phone.)

New Supervisor: “Okay, so you need to exchange [Phone] because it is the wrong phone. I am seeing here that you ordered [Phone model]. What did we send you?”

Me: “Look, this is the last time I am explaining this so you had better listen: I ordered a [Phone] that needed to be compatible with [Carrier]. I received the correct model of phone, but because your company hates competition, you have locked this particular phone only to work with [Other Carrier] which is USELESS to me seeing as how I am with [Carrier]. Look at my order; pull it up in front of you. I will wait.”

New Supervisor: “I am looking at your invoice.”

Me: “GOOD, now what carrier does it say on my order? What carrier should my freaking phone been programmed too?”

New Supervisor: “It is for [Carrier].”

Me: “Precisely. You sent me a phone for [Other Carrier] that I don’t need. How is this NOT your company’s fault, and WHY won’t you let me exchange it for the phone I actually ordered?”

New Supervisor: “We will gladly exchange your phone. It will cost—”

Me: *cutting him off* “—it will cost me absolutely NOTHING because I was not the one in error; it was you. You will pay to ship it back, you will pay to get me my new phone over-nighted, and you will send me a phone for [Carrier] I need.”

New Supervisor: “I will have to check with my—”

Me: *cutting him off again* “—you check with them! I will wait. I have already waited d*** near two hours. What’s another 30 minutes of my life I will NEVER get back talking to you idiots?!”

(After another 20 minute wait, they finally agreed to exchange the phone for the one I wanted, over-nighted it, and I didn’t have to pay an extra dime.)

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The Refund Is Complimentary

| Right | May 7, 2015

Customer: “I don’t like my free gift; it looks cheap. I want to return it.”

Customer Service Representative: “I am sorry to hear that. However, it was a complimentary gift. It was included free of charge.”

Customer: “It’s just ugly! It is a piece of crap. I don’t want it. I want a refund.”

Customer Service Representative: “If you wish to return it you will have to ship it back at your own expense. As I said, it was complimentary. BUT, I guess if you want to continue insulting it, it will negate the compliment. Be as rude to it as possible. Problem solved. Consider yourself refunded. Have a nice day!”

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