Brushing Common Sense Aside

| Right | March 2, 2016

(I work for a company that handles warranty replacements for customers.)

Me: “Thanks for calling Customer Support. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My toothbrush is not turning on.”

Me: “We can sure look at that. Can you give me the model and serial number off the bottom of the brush?”

Customer: “I do not have it with me; I’m at work.”

(Note we have to have the model number and serial number to replace the product.)

Me: “Calling us without the handle is like going to a car place and asking for an oil change, but leaving the car at home.”

Customer: “So I need to have the handle with me?”

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I’m Not Here All The Time

| Right | January 4, 2016

Me: “Would you like to sign up to receive our coupons?”

Customer: “No, it’s okay. I’m in here all the time.”

Me: “Oh, so then you might want the coupons then, because they are exclusive to the people who sign up and they give you certain percentages off your purchases.”

Customer: “No, I wouldn’t use them. I hardly ever shop here.”

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Maybe They Moved Because Of You

| Right | December 28, 2015

Caller: “Hi, I’m at your store location in [City] and it’s not here anymore!”

Me: “I’m sorry; they had to move from that location when their lease expired. The new address is [Very Close Neighboring City, no more than ten minutes away].”

Caller: *scoffs* “Well, what am I supposed to do, then?”

Me: “…I’m sorry; you’ll have to go to the new location. It’s not too far away—”

Caller: “Well, now you’re going to make me drive twenty miles just to get a book?”

Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience but there’s nothing I can do about the location.”

(The caller huffs in disgust for a few long moments, apparently too enraged to speak. Then just growls out a bunch of angry words about how inconvenienced she is.)

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but that’s all I can tell you is the new address.” *getting frustrated now* “What else would you like me to do for you, ma’am?”

Caller: “Well, make it come back here! I’m going to miss the Black Friday sales now because of you!”

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Creating An International Incident

| Right | December 11, 2015

(I work at an Japanese car brand’s USA customer service center. Because of the differences in laws and regulations, there are actually several different companies – USA, Canada, Europe, etc.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Car Brand]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I want to make complaint! I had to leave my car at the dealership overnight for maintenance and the next morning there was a big scratch in the paint along one side.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that! I will be happy to help you file a report. Where is the dealership? What city and state?”

Caller: “It’s in Tel Aviv.”

Me: “What state is that in?”

(There are lots of towns and cities in the USA named after places in other countries.)

Caller: “Oh, it’s not in the US. Tel Aviv is in Israel!”

Me: “In that case, sir, you’ve reached a wrong number. You need to call [Car Brand] of Israel to make your report.”

Caller: “I did! But I didn’t like their answer, so I decided to call you!”

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The Worst Kind Of Bubble Butt

| Working | November 3, 2015

(My coworker used to work in the quality office of a factory that makes big brand cleaning/disinfecting wipes. A call came through her phone from a customer.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling Factory Quality. This is [Coworker].”

Customer: “You sold me faulty wipes! They don’t work and they made my baby’s butt bubble!” *a baby’s shrill screaming can be heard in the background*

Coworker: *alarmed* “I… I’m sorry, ma’am… Your baby’s bottom is bubbling? You should call 911!”

Customer: “NO! This is YOUR fault! What are you gonna do for me?!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you need to hang up and dial 911! These are NOT baby wipes! It even says it on the back of the can. If you could find our office number, then you also saw the warning label which reads ‘This is NOT for personal use. Keep out of reach of children. Using these wipes in a manner inconsistent with its intended purpose is a federal crime.’ Now please, hang up and dial 911!”

Customer: *garbled choking and screeching* “I’m gonna sue y’all for hurting my baby!” *slams phone down*

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