(At the store where I work, we are currently selling black LED tea-lights for Halloween. They are fairly small and come packaged in boxes of four.)

Coworker: “Hey, [Manager], I found this sitting in one of the aisles.”

(She comes to the register carrying a shopping basket with a box of Halloween tea-lights. The box has clearly been tampered with and one of the lights is missing.)

Manager: “You found it like this? Did you see the missing light nearby?”

Coworker: “No, I checked the shelves, though. No loose lights.”

(We ponder this for a moment, inspecting the box. The packaging has been torn open and the cardboard tray the lights sit in has been pulled apart; someone clearly yanked the tray out and stuffed it back in.)

Me: “So, you’re telling me this person went to all this trouble to steal just the one tea-light?”

Manager: “Looks that way.”

(I am in my junior year of college. My friend and I go to a local fabric and craft store to get some supplies for a sewing project we have in our fashion courses. It’s around the holidays, so it’s extra busy. While we are waiting in line to have some fabric cut, we start to hear a woman screaming across the store.)

Woman #1: “Help! HELP! I NEED SOME HELP OVER HERE!”

Me: *to friend* “Geez, someone is being demanding. Doesn’t she realize it’s busy—”

(We then hear a large crash and look behind us. [Woman #1] has another woman by the shirt collar and is smashing her into a display of greeting cards.)

Woman #1: “Help! She’s trying to steal my purse!”

Friend: “Holy s***!”

Woman #2: “No, I’m not! You’re lying! I didn’t do anything! Let me go!”

(The manager comes running to find out what is going on. Turns out [Woman #1] had her purse in the front part of her cart and while her back was turned [Woman #2] tried to grab it and run away. That’s when [Woman #1] tackled her into the card display.)

Manager: “Okay, I’ve called the police; they’ll be here to sort this out.”

Woman #2: “No! NOOOOO! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” *sobbing* “I’ve never done this before! I’m sorry! Please don’t call the cops! Let me gooooooo!”

(My friend and I collected our fabric and checked out… clutching our purses tightly to our bodies.)

(My mom works loss prevention at the local supermarket. She is following this guy around who is obviously stealing things. Aware that LP is following him, he whirls to face her and starts shouting.)

Shoplifter: “This is bulls***! I’m not stealing anything!”

(As he goes on about how it’s BS, he’s removing and taking out the stuff he was planning to steal. As he’s leaving, he declares loudly:)

Shoplifter: “I’m never coming back here!”

Loss Prevention: “Good!”

(I work as an administrative medical assistant, meaning I have medical experience but am handling more of the paperwork, scheduling, and phone calls that come in from our patients. It’s Monday morning and our only doctor in the office today has called off. This means we have to cancel the day’s schedule. On Friday, I scheduled a patient’s appointment for today, and she is very upset that we have to cancel. This is not typically an issue, but I have the rest of the week on hold due to a jury summons for the doctor. She is one of my more insistent patients, and after two hours she calls my line.)

Patient: “Why haven’t I been rescheduled? It’s been two hours!”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Patient]. It is Monday, and having had to cancel the day and call patients who called with high-health-risk issues from the weekend, I have not gotten to you just yet. I’ve been trying to find a place for you with this specific provider, as I know your preferences.”

Patient: “I want to be seen tomorrow by [Doctor].”

Me: “I understand, but we had opened today up because she is out for jury selection tomorrow, and we won’t know what the rest of her week looks like until tomorrow afternoon—”

Patient: *smugly* “The doctor needs to have one of the other doctors write her a note that she cannot sit for eight hours a day; then the doctor can come in tomorrow.”

Me: “…”

Patient: “I’m in desperate need of [treatment that is not a medically necessity and a long-standing issue], and I demand to see her.”

Me: “I understand you are frustrated by this reschedule, but I do not choose what the doctors do. If she wants to be part of a civic responsibility, that is her right as an American citizen. Also, what you just suggested is considered fraud, and is against our policies, and illegal.”

Patient: *goes silent for a moment* “That’s not what I said at all. But she needs to see me.”

Me: “I can give you a call tomorrow afternoon when we have heard back, and schedule you with her later in the week when I have openings.”

Patient: “Fine, that will have to do.”

(The next time she called, she complained to one of my supervisors for forty-five minutes that no one had called her by ten in the morning. She did get in with the doctor. There are just some people you cannot please.)

(For those that don’t know, head shops sell products for “tobacco use only,” but are generally used for weed. This interaction starts with a man coming in my store, requesting that I “don’t judge him,” and telling me that the woman who is about to walk in is “crazy.” I oblige and say no judgments.)

Me: “Hey, how’s it going? Anything I can help you find today?”

Woman: “Yes, I’m looking for straight glass pipes.”

Me: “We sell glass blunts; every other glass item is either flared or a standard pipe.”

Woman: “No, like I’m looking for a pipe, like for crack cocaine.”

Me: *standing awkwardly* “Ma’am, we don’t sell those here.”

Woman: “YES, YOU DO; THEY’RE RIGHT THERE!”

Me: “Ma’am, those are downstems, for water-pipes, and they are flared at the end, not straight.”

Woman: “Well, I need something like this.” *pulls out used and broken crack pipe*

Me: *wide-eyed and staring* “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave…”

(She returned ten minutes later, and another two times after that in the span of an hour, each time with more money falling out of her bra, and purchasing increasingly random combinations of items each time. No other mention or sight of illegal substances or devices.)