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We’re Positive That Was A Bad Choice

, , , , , , , | Learning | May 4, 2021

My school is hybrid with students coming in part-time due to full-time viral yuck. A student emails me that she may have been exposed to viral yuck and wants me to know she’s quarantined. I call her to check in on her.

Me: “So, you went out with friends and one of them tested positive afterward?”

Student: “Yes, ma’am. I didn’t even hang out with her that much.”

Me: “You were in different rooms the whole time?”

Student: “No, but we only got near each other to pass what we were smoking.”

Me: “…”

Student: “What?”

Me: “First of all, why are you telling me that part? Second, you put your mouth on something that had her saliva and breath on it?”

Student: “Well, now that you put it that way, I’m worried.”

Well, Well, Well, How The Turntables…

, , , , , , , | Working | April 26, 2021

I’m buying groceries like usual when an item won’t scan.

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but this item isn’t scanning up.”

Me: “Oh, no problem. I’m not in a rush.”

Cashier: “I guess that must mean it’s free, then!”

Me: “I… Uhhh… Pardon?”

She called for a price check, but I never expected to be on the receiving end of that line!

Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 18

, , , , , | Right | January 18, 2021

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Fine.”

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Sure.”

I start ringing her items up.

Customer: “No, that’s supposed to be 50% off.”

Me: “All right, no problem! Let me ask someone to double-check that for you.”

I call my coworker over our headsets and ask.

Coworker: “Nope, no discount off of these.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, it doesn’t have a discount on it.”

Customer: “Whatever. I don’t want it, then.”

I continue to ring her items and she asks about several more that are “supposed” to have a discount.

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, my coworker said there’s no discount on most of these.”

Customer: “Let me speak to your manager, then.”

I call the manager over.

Manager: “What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “Your employee isn’t giving me the discount on these items!”

Manager: “All right, let me check this for you.”

He checks for any sale prices on any of the items and comes up with nothing.

Customer: “Ugh! You people are so selfish with your discounts!”

She then stormed off without any of the items, leaving my manager and me there wondering what had just happened.

Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 17
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 16
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 15
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 14
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 13

Barfing At Your Gender Politics

, , , , | Right | January 12, 2021

I work at a clothing company that has several stores around the USA. I’m folding clothes on a display table in the children’s section when I hear a husband and wife talking about a pair of pants they have picked up.

Husband: “Don’t you like these pants?”

Wife: “No, they look like barf. Put them away!”

Husband: “I don’t think they look like barf. They look perfectly fine to me.”

Wife: “I’m not dressing our son in that.”

The husband sees me and holds up the pants.

Husband: “What do you think? Do these pants look like barf?”

Me: “No, sir, I don’t think they do. It’s one of our popular colors for boys’ pants, actually.”

Husband: *To his wife* “See! You have to trust her; it’s a professional opinion because she works here.”

The wife turns to me.

Wife: “You said they looked fine? We’re both women!” *Laughs* “We need to stick together!”

Blindly Interrupting

, , , , | Right | December 14, 2020

I work in an answering service. We answer for multiple companies, from medical accounts to employee call-off lines. We get all kinds of rude callers. We have an FAQ account for a program that allows people using a card to earn a dollar toward locally-grown fruits and veggies for every dollar they spend for up to $20.

Caller: “Can you tell me what vendors participate?”

Me: “Well, sir, you can ask the vendor at the farmers’ market or store if they participate, or you can see our list of vendors on our website at—”

Caller: *Interrupts* “I’m visually-impaired; just tell me the list.”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t have the list, sir, nor do I have access to the website. What I can do—”

Caller: *Interrupts* “I can’t see a computer! I don’t even own one! Don’t you understand how hard it is for a blind person?! How can you be so insensitive?! Are you a government program? Are you affiliated with any blind programs?!”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience. What I can do is take a message and have someone return your call about that list.”

Caller: “Why didn’t you say so earlier? We could have been done with this.”

Me: *Trying not to scream* “Let me get your information.”

I get the info.

Caller: “Sorry about this. Just try to understand how hard it is for me. I’m too old for computers and can’t see.”

I look at my fifty-plus-year-old blind coworker at another station taking calls and using a computer.

Me: “Yes, sir, I understand it’s difficult.”