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Sleep With One Eye Open

, , , , , | Working | March 17, 2022

It is the beginning of winter and it’s starting to get very cold at night. One cold day, I realize that my car is very low on gas and go to fill it up at the gas station. When I try to fill it, the automatic stop function keeps turning the gas off after barely putting any in my tank. If I manually hold it, the gas splashes back out of the tank. Some of you may know what is likely happening, but I do not and I call over the gas station attendant.

The gas station attendant tries the same thing I am doing with the same results. He also happens to have a friend filling up, and they both look at the pump and my tank, try some troubleshooting, and chat with each other. Eventually, they come to a conclusion. To preface, they both have accents that lead me to think they are not from the area, and I have no idea if the following is something that happens in other countries or if a language barrier made the communication even stranger.

Gas Station Attendant: “Someone has put something down in your car. Down in the tank. Did you put something there?”

Me: “There is something in my gas tank? No, I definitely didn’t put anything in there.”

I’m thinking maybe they have seen this happen before.

Gas Station Attendant: “Yes. You did not put anything there? No? Perhaps you have… an enemy? Someone who is angry and put something in your car? Do you have any enemies?”

Me: *Even more confused* “No, I don’t think I have any enemies.”

I ended up leaving without gas, and after sharing the story with my family, my dad explained that with the weather change and low fuel level, what had likely happened was that a small amount of water in the tank had frozen and was preventing gas from entering. I had to get rides to school for a few days until it got above freezing. And to my knowledge, I did not have an enemy!

We’re Positive That Was A Bad Choice

, , , , , , , | Learning | May 4, 2021

My school is hybrid with students coming in part-time due to full-time viral yuck. A student emails me that she may have been exposed to viral yuck and wants me to know she’s quarantined. I call her to check in on her.

Me: “So, you went out with friends and one of them tested positive afterward?”

Student: “Yes, ma’am. I didn’t even hang out with her that much.”

Me: “You were in different rooms the whole time?”

Student: “No, but we only got near each other to pass what we were smoking.”

Me: “…”

Student: “What?”

Me: “First of all, why are you telling me that part? Second, you put your mouth on something that had her saliva and breath on it?”

Student: “Well, now that you put it that way, I’m worried.”

Well, Well, Well, How The Turntables…

, , , , , , , | Working | April 26, 2021

I’m buying groceries like usual when an item won’t scan.

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but this item isn’t scanning up.”

Me: “Oh, no problem. I’m not in a rush.”

Cashier: “I guess that must mean it’s free, then!”

Me: “I… Uhhh… Pardon?”

She called for a price check, but I never expected to be on the receiving end of that line!

Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 18

, , , , , | Right | January 18, 2021

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Fine.”

Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Sure.”

I start ringing her items up.

Customer: “No, that’s supposed to be 50% off.”

Me: “All right, no problem! Let me ask someone to double-check that for you.”

I call my coworker over our headsets and ask.

Coworker: “Nope, no discount off of these.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, it doesn’t have a discount on it.”

Customer: “Whatever. I don’t want it, then.”

I continue to ring her items and she asks about several more that are “supposed” to have a discount.

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, my coworker said there’s no discount on most of these.”

Customer: “Let me speak to your manager, then.”

I call the manager over.

Manager: “What seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “Your employee isn’t giving me the discount on these items!”

Manager: “All right, let me check this for you.”

He checks for any sale prices on any of the items and comes up with nothing.

Customer: “Ugh! You people are so selfish with your discounts!”

She then stormed off without any of the items, leaving my manager and me there wondering what had just happened.

Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 17
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 16
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 15
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 14
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 13

Barfing At Your Gender Politics

, , , , | Right | January 12, 2021

I work at a clothing company that has several stores around the USA. I’m folding clothes on a display table in the children’s section when I hear a husband and wife talking about a pair of pants they have picked up.

Husband: “Don’t you like these pants?”

Wife: “No, they look like barf. Put them away!”

Husband: “I don’t think they look like barf. They look perfectly fine to me.”

Wife: “I’m not dressing our son in that.”

The husband sees me and holds up the pants.

Husband: “What do you think? Do these pants look like barf?”

Me: “No, sir, I don’t think they do. It’s one of our popular colors for boys’ pants, actually.”

Husband: *To his wife* “See! You have to trust her; it’s a professional opinion because she works here.”

The wife turns to me.

Wife: “You said they looked fine? We’re both women!” *Laughs* “We need to stick together!”