Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

A Man Of Many Faces, All Of Them Dumb

, , , , , , | Right | July 29, 2009

(I had lost my entire wallet just a week prior. A customer approaches my check stand. He has an eighteen-pack of beer on the belt, and he looks about twenty years old.)

Me: *ringing him up* “ID, please.”

Customer: “You got it!”

(The customer pulls out a wallet that looks exactly like mine, broken chain and all. He then proceeds to show me my own ID.)

Me: *taking my wallet back from him* “Two problems with this.”

Customer: “What the h***, man?!”

Me: “First off, this is MY ID; MY wallet. Secondly, I’m not twenty-one, and neither is this thing.”

Customer: *runs out of the store*


This story is part of our Fake ID roundup!

Read the next Fake ID roundup story!

Read the Fake ID roundup!

The Right Place At The Wrong Time

, , , | Right | July 9, 2009

(This takes place at the cigar store I work at, in 2009.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need the biggest cigar you’ve got.”

Me: “Okay, our largest is twelve inches long, and the price is $27 before tax.”

Customer: “Whoa! 27 bucks? You got anything cheaper?”

Me: “Well, yes. Is this going to be a gag gift?”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “You know, a joke present for someone?”

Customer: “Oh h*** no! I’m just gonna split it and fill it with this.”

(The customer pulls a plastic bag full of marijuana out of his pocket.)

Customer #2: “Wow, that’s some fine-lookin’ weed you got there!”

Customer: “Yeah, I just bought it.”

(Customer #2 pulls out his badge and identifies himself as a county police officer.)

Customer: “Am I in trouble?”

Customer #2: “Yes you are.”

Honesty Is The Best Return Policy

, , , , , | Right | July 9, 2009

(A hotel guest called down for seven extra towels night before. I see her leaving the hotel with beach towels and several of ours stuffed in between.)

Me: “Ma’am… excuse me, ma’am! I think you’ve mistakenly grabbed a few of our towels by mistake.”

Customer: “No, I haven’t!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, you have. I can see a few with our emblem on them.”

Customer: “Oh, no! Those are from last time we were here!”

Me: “Oh… well it was very thoughtful of you to come all this way to return them!”

(Defeated, she hands me the towels.)

Customer: “It’s not like you don’t have any extras!”


This story is part of our Perfect Comebacks roundup!

Read the next Perfect Comeback story!

Read the Perfect Comeback roundup!

No Scam Like The Present

, , , , | Right | July 7, 2009

Me: “Good morning, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I would like $10 on pump five.”

Me: “All right, ma’am. Have a nice day!”

(The customer then gets out and starts walking to her car which is indeed on pump five… and then just drives off without pumping gas. I hold her $10 in case she comes back, and sure enough, she returns about an hour later.)

Customer: *furious* “I can’t pump my gas, you little s***! You stole my money!”

Me: “Ma’am, you left the money on your pump about an hour ago.”

Customer: “I know! You were supposed to hold it for me. What kind of service is this that you won’t do that?”

Me: “Ma’am, I have your money right here and can put it on the pump if you want.”

Customer: “You d***ed better put that money on my pump… all $50 of it!”

Me: “Ma’am, you only gave me $10 for the pump.”

Customer: “I so did not! I gave you $50. I have my receipt right here!”

(The customer hands me a receipt that indeed says $50 dollars — but it’s dated from five months ago.)

Me: “Ma’am, I have your receipt from today and it says $10. The receipt you handed me has a date from five months ago.”

Customer: “You mean those receipts have dates on them?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh…” *runs out, leaving her $10 and never returning again*


This story is part of our Scammer roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to see the roundup? Click here!

Guilty, Yet Guiltless

, , , , | Legal Right | July 1, 2009

Me: “Hi, is [Customer] there?”

Customer: “This is him.”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. I’m calling about your order.”

Customer: “Oh, great! What do you need?”

Me: “Well, sir, you, unfortunately, forgot to sign both your money orders.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “We can’t cash them if they’re not signed. They’re like checks that way.”

Customer: “So? When that happens, you should just sign it for us. You must write checks to yourselves for customers all the time.”

Me: “No, sir, that’s called fraud.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “So… that’s illegal.”

Customer: “So?”