(I get a voicemail stating the IRS needs to speak to me about a matter of unpaid taxes. I see the number and decide to call it back for some fun. I’m a federal law enforcement officer for the Department of Justice.)

Me: “Hello, I just got a voicemail that the IRS needs to speak to me about an important matter?”

Caller: “Yes, can I have your full name and date of birth, please?”

Me: “Sure.” *provides it*

Caller: “Okay, I have your info here and I must let you know I am a federal agent for the US government; my name is Agent Brown. You filed your taxes wrong, and there is now a lawsuit against you in the sum of 5,000 USD. You have to pay it back, and if you do not, then in the next 45 minutes all your bank accounts will be frozen, a warrant for your arrest will be issued, and officers will be at your home to arrest you. All in the next 45 minutes.”

Me: “Wow, really? Five thousand USD and a warrant will be issued for my arrest? On what charges will the warrant be issued? I would like to know what I am being charged with.”

Caller: “Sir, it is a lawsuit that you have to pay; that is what the warrant will be issued as.”

Me: “Well, to have a warrant, you have to have a court hearing, file the charges in the court, have the judge sign off on the warrant, and then execute the warrant. So, again, what am I being charged with?”

Caller: “If you do not pay, your bank account will be frozen and you will be arrested.”

Me: “Okay, lady, let me introduce myself to you. My name is [My Name]. I am a federal law enforcement officer for the Department of Justice, so if you’re going to be impersonating a Federal Agent and what not, you might want to stop now before I report this number. I also know this is a scam.”

Caller: “You’re a federal law enforcement officer? If so, what is your ID number?”

Me: “My badge number?”

Caller: “Your ID number.”

Me: “My badge number is [badge number].”

Caller: “What is your work extension for your phone?”

Me: “Lady, I’m not giving you my work number. You have called my cell phone so, look, this is a scam. Stop calling me.”

Caller: “You are a liar. I know you’re lying because you will not give me your extension number for your work. You need to pay this money or get arrested.”

Me: “Okay, lady, then come arrest me. I will be in uniform since I am heading to work. Also, I am taking this number with me and doing a back trace on it to find out where you’re from.”

(Then I hung up. Guess what? I was never arrested. I bought my lunch about a hour later, and guess what? My account was not frozen.)

While as an L-Plater — meaning I am on my Learner’s Permit — I am driving with my instructor past a school. The school-zone speed limit is 40 kilometers per hour, and it is now 2:50 pm, meaning the school-zones kicked in a full 20 minutes ago. There are signs in specific areas, some of which are flashing, and huge “40” and “slow down” indicators painted on the road beneath us, impossible to miss.

I am driving past a bus bay that is separated from the main street by a grass island when a car comes up behind and beeps his horn at us. As I am driving at the correct school-zone speed limit, I don’t speed up, and he beeps his horn again. He then proceeds to drive over the curb, over the grass island, and into the bus bay, taking that road around and ending up in front of us. He then rolls down his window, gives us the middle finger, and speeds away over the hill.

My instructor is shocked, but tells me to not let drivers like that impact me and that if in the future I do decide to it is necessary to exceed a speed limit, the ones I should always stick to regardless are the school-zones, because it is not worth putting a child’s life in danger like that.

We then drive up the hill, and once we get to the top, I see flashing red and blue lights. As we drive past, the car is stopped on the side of the road with a policeman at the window. The driver sees our car, and then quickly looks away sheepishly as the policeman berates him. I look at my instructor, who continues to stare straight ahead, this time with a small smile on his lips.

Karma really is a b****.

(I have been called for jury duty, so I report to the small courthouse a few blocks from my home. We are checked in and shown an orientation video, then we’re basically just killing time while the legal wheels turn on the twelve cases on the docket that day. After a few hours:)

Court Worker: “Okay, everyone, eleven cases have pled out, but the twelfth will be going to trial. If you could all gather your things and follow me…”

(We troop along to the courtroom, but are halted at the door while several official-looking people whisper back and forth to each other.)

Court Worker: “Hang on, everybody; we’ve got some drama. Please wait here while we get it sorted out.”

(We exchange puzzled looks and are left standing around for a good fifteen minutes before she comes back.)

Court Worker: “So, the defendant in the case decided to threaten one of the witnesses, in front of witnesses, while we were in recess in order to get you guys. He’s been re-arrested and will need to go through processing on that charge, soooo you can all go home now. Have a nice day!”

(I guess some people never learn?)

(I’m driving my daughter and a friend to an amusement park. It’s August, the highway is full of people driving to and from holidays, and there are also major road-works going on. We come to a fork that I know well. It’s being refurbished, and the speed limits decrease accordingly. Because I’m taking the left bend, I stay on what would be the fast lane, even though the limit is now 60 on all lanes. A driver appears behind my car, flashing his headlights, but I can’t change lanes to let him overtake, nor can I accelerate. He guns up the engine and overtakes me on the right side, giving me the stink-eye and mouthing bad words as he passes by. A few kilometres later, there’s a queue caused by yet more road-work. Cars are driving bumper to bumper, and I happen to side up with the guy who overtook me. He has both windows down, so I wave at him.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry that I wouldn’t go past 60… It’s because there are three speed cameras in that spot. Have a nice holiday!”

(I then rolled up my windows and watched him stew until the exit.)

(I work in the take-away area of a popular Australian steakhouse. My job is to bring food to customers waiting in their cars, so they can drive off and take it home to eat. This exchange happens at 10:45 on a Saturday night. I have just gotten this woman’s change while she is waiting for the rest of her food to come out.)

Me: “Can I get you anything else while you wait?”

Woman: “Yeah, can I order [alcoholic beverage] from the bar?”

Me: “What?”

Woman: “Can I order something from the bar and drink it while I wait?”

Me: “No, ma’am, you can’t.”

Woman: “Well, why not?”

Me: “I’m not allowed to give you alcohol. You’re sitting in your car in the to-go area. It’s illegal to drink and drive.”