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Small Talk In The Big House

, , , , | Right | May 28, 2009

(While working the overnight shift alone, a single customer walks into the store and walks to my register.)

Customer: “What would you do if I robbed you?”

Me: “…I’d call the cops.”

Customer: “What about if I had a knife to your throat?”

Me: “Do you really think those are good questions to be asking me?”

Customer: “Okay, let’s just say I have a gun in your face.”

Me: “Get out. Now.”

Customer: “Sheesh, I was just trying to have a friendly conversation with you…” *leaves*

Stupidity On Tap

, , , , , | Right | May 22, 2009

(I get a phone call at about 8:00 pm on a weeknight. The caller is a young man, and in the background I hear music and hysterical giggling.)

Caller: “What time do y’all close?”

Me: “9 o’clock tonight.”

Caller: “Oh, s***! Umm… okay, can you just ring me up for a keg with my credit card, and then leave it outside?”

Me: “…the keg?”

Caller: “Yeah.”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “What? Why?!”

Me: “…for a variety of reasons.”

Where There’s A Pill, There’s A Way

, , , | Right | May 21, 2009

(A customer comes in with a prescription for a narcotic pain reliever. He says that he was at the hospital with his wife and the hospital stole his pills, which is why he needs to get this prescription filled, even though his last prescription was just filled a few days ago.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I talked to your doctor and he says I can fill your prescription.”

Customer: “Great, can I wait? I have no pills left and I really need it.”

Me: “It’ll be about ten minutes.”

(Ten minutes later.)

Me: “OK sir, your prescription is ready.”

Customer: “Hey, are those pills the same as this?” *holds up pill*

Me: “I thought you didn’t have any pills left, sir.”

Customer: “Well… I bought this off the street, to be honest with you.”

Me: “Oh… good.”

Plastic, Scamtastic

, , , | Right | May 8, 2009

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Three sandwiches.”

Me: “Okay, what kind?”

Customer: “Umm… what’s that kind?” *points at a sign behind me*

(I turn around to see what he’s talking about. When I turn back around, I see the man taking off out the side door with our display sandwich.)

Me: “Good luck eating your plastic sandwich!”


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We Need One Of These In Every Store, Part 4

, , , | Right | May 7, 2009

(A guy who bought a game comes back wanting a refund. The problem is that the game seal had been broken, the game disc had some nasty scratches on it, and it was thirty days past our return policy window.)

Me: “Hi. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ve got this game here that I didn’t fully enjoy. I want a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the seal has been broken, and the disc is damaged. I can’t give you a refund for this.”

Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! I wasn’t informed about that!”

Me: “Sir, if you look right here on your receipt, you’ll see what rights you have. And as you can see, the 30-day return policy has expired, and the game is damaged. I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “Oh no, don’t try this on me. I know my rights, due to the fact that I’m a lawyer. So you’d better think about your next move, or it could end up bad for you.”

Me: “Hold on a second… are you threatening me?”

Customer: “That depends on how you handle this situation.”

(By this point, there was a large line forming in the store, and the guy standing behind my customer looked pretty pissed off.)

Customer: “So, are you going to give me a refund or not?”

Customer #2: *interrupting* “I’ve had it with this. You told this guy you’re a lawyer, right? And that you’re entitled to a refund, am I correct?”

Customer: “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, that is correct.”

Customer #2: “Here’s the deal: I know for a fact that you’re wrong. I think everyone in this store knows that you’re wrong, and the reason WHY I know this is because I AM a lawyer. What you’re doing is borderline illegal. So, may I suggest that you leave this store right now?”

Customer: *quietly* “Well…what I was trying to tell him was…um…”

(The customer then quickly left the store.)