Unfiltered Story #169585

, , | Unfiltered | October 13, 2019

(I work at an upscale smoke shop, while we do carry some cheap pieces, we have an entire display cabinet full or art pieces where the average price is around $600.
It’s 9:01pm on a Monday, I’ve just turned off the open sign and half of the lights in the store when a pair of obviously high customers walks in)

Me: “Hey guys, we actually just closed, but if there’s something I can help you with real quick I’ll be glad to help before I shut down the register.”

Customer 1: “No, you’re open till midnight.”

Me: “We close at 9 Monday through Thursday, and even on Fridays and Saturdays, we’re only open till 10.”

Customer 2: “Oh well we just want to look around.”

Customer 1: “Yeah, I was thinking about buying the Seed of Life.”

Me: “I think you may have the wrong store, we don’t have any piece with that name. You may be thinking of [competing smoke shop] up the road. They have the Tree of Life and are open till midnight some days.

Customer 1: “Well, we’re just going to look around for the Seed of Life.”

Me: “Gentlemen, we don’t have a piece by that name in the store, I can promise you that, and if you’re just looking around, I’m going to ask you to leave so I can close down the shop since at this point since I stopped getting paid about 5 minutes ago.”

(Both customers walk past me and start looking around the store)

Customer 1: “Yeah I don’t see the piece I was looking for, but can I check that one out?”

(He points at a mildly expensive piece that will cost about $300 after the 20% discount we already have on it, I pull it down so as to not lose a potential sale for the owners.)

Customer 1: “I was in here the other week and was thinking about buying this, would you take $230 for it?”

Me: “I can’t man, that’s a high quality american company that uses borosilicate glass, I really can’t take that much of a loss on it since it’s already discounted.”

Customer 2: “Dude I thought you were looking for the Seed of Life.”

Customer 1: “I was, but they must have sold it.”

Me: “I’ve worked here for about a year, and we haven’t had a piece by that name, I really do think you’re thinking of The Tree of Life that [competitor] has. You should try their store since we’re closed and don’t have what you’re looking for.”

(The customers finally get the hint and walk out without buying anything.)

Unfiltered Story #167643

, , | Unfiltered | September 23, 2019

(I’m the stupid customer here. I go into the shop on a Saturday morning after breaking my old e-cigarette the night before. I say which one I want and the employee gets it from the case)

Employee: would you like me to help you with setting this up?

Me: nope, I’m fine. *long pause* wait actually, I have no idea how to set it up, can you help me?

Employee: *looking confused* yeah, of course. Now what liquids do you want with this?

Me: uhhh… Raspberry… And cherry. No wait, strawberry. Actually no, cherry!

Employee: are you sure?

Me: yeah I’m sure. I’m so sorry, I went out clubbing last night and I think I’ve killed off more than a few brain cells!

Employee: *laughs* don’t worry, I’ve been there myself too!

(I was so embarrassed but he was lovely and polite, really helped me out and I left the shop with a smile on my face, despite my horrible hangover!)

Close, But No Cigarillo

, , , , , | Right | July 17, 2019

(I am working in the drive-thru window at a cigarette store next to a good-sized casino. It is about an hour before shift change when a van drives up with about seven guys in it.)

Customer #1: “Hey, do you have money to break $100?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ve got a little bit. What can I get for you?”

Customer #1: “I’d like a [cigarillo].”

(I get the item and ring it up.)

Me: “Okay, that’s going to be [less than $1].”

(He pays and I give him his change when the next guy leans over, waving another $100.)

Customer #2: “Hey, I want one, too!”

(I pause and look into the van. I see them all digging through their wallets.)

Me: “Hey, guys, show of hands; how many of you are buying a single [cigarillo] before you go to the casino?”

(They indicate they all are.)

Me: “And are you all paying with a $100 each?”

(They again all indicate they are.)

Me: “Yeah, I don’t have enough for that. Unless your buddy here treats you all, you’ll need something smaller to pay with. The cage girls in the casino can break your bills easier than I can.”

(They grumbled but all ended up managing to pay with $1 bills.)

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Suddenly Feeling Very Sorry For That Sister

, , , , | Right | May 14, 2019

(I work in a small cigar store that doesn’t have the space for a public restroom. The one we do have is for employees only because it is in the back with the rest of the stock. A customer comes up to the counter.)

Me: “Did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “No! I need to pee. Where is your bathroom?!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, but the only one we have is for employees only.”

(The customer stands by quietly while I finish ringing up his purchase.)

Customer: *unintelligible grumbling* “…right here!”

Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

Customer: “I said, ‘What if I peed right here?’ I don’t know if I can hold it.”

Me:Please do not pee here, sir!”

Customer: *as he’s walking out* “I’ll call my sister! She’ll know what to do!”

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Not Going To Crack This Business

, , , | Right | October 21, 2018

(For those that don’t know, head shops sell products for “tobacco use only,” but are generally used for weed. This interaction starts with a man coming in my store, requesting that I “don’t judge him,” and telling me that the woman who is about to walk in is “crazy.” I oblige and say no judgments.)

Me: “Hey, how’s it going? Anything I can help you find today?”

Woman: “Yes, I’m looking for straight glass pipes.”

Me: “We sell glass blunts; every other glass item is either flared or a standard pipe.”

Woman: “No, like I’m looking for a pipe, like for crack cocaine.”

Me: *standing awkwardly* “Ma’am, we don’t sell those here.”


Me: “Ma’am, those are downstems, for water-pipes, and they are flared at the end, not straight.”

Woman: “Well, I need something like this.” *pulls out used and broken crack pipe*

Me: *wide-eyed and staring* “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to leave…”

(She returned ten minutes later, and another two times after that in the span of an hour, each time with more money falling out of her bra, and purchasing increasingly random combinations of items each time. No other mention or sight of illegal substances or devices.)

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