I work in a smoke shop. A customer is buying a box of cigarettes and then starts eyeing up some cigar boxes that are on sale.

Customer: “What is smoking a cigar like?”

Me: “Very different from cigarettes, and the smell is unique. I can recommend a few if you’re looking to try some out, especially with the sale.”

He looks at a few boxes and is then told the price.

Customer: “How much?!”

Me: “Yeah, they are more than cigarettes. That’s why they’re commonly used for special occasions.”

Customer: “That’s a great way to get me to quit smoking, because at that price I can only afford one puff a month!”

He stuck to his regular cigarettes, but always came back and joked that he’ll buy the cigars when he’s ready to quit smoking…

I used to work in a smoke shop. We were cash only, but we had an ATM. A customer is about to pay and produces a credit card.

Me: *Pointing to the sign.* “Cash only, please.”

Customer: “I have cash in my account.”

Me: “You can use the ATM there to withdraw.”

Customer: “The what?”

Me: *Pointing to the ATM.* “The ATM.”

Customer: “What’s an… ateeyem?”

Me: “A, T, M. It stands for an automatic teller machine.”

Customer: “What’s that got to do with me getting my smokes?”

Me: “You can use it to withdraw cash.”

The confused look on her face meant I had to explain the basic concept of an ATM to this grown woman.

Me: “It would be better if you had a debit card instead of a credit card.”

Customer: “A what?”

She didn’t know what a debit card was, so I had to explain that one, too. She opens her wallet and dumps a scary number of cards on to the counter.

Me: “That one looks like a debit card.”

Customer: “This one? I never used it before.”

She hands it to me.

Me: “Uh, you need to use that in the ATM.”

She walks over to the ATM and just stares at it. I explain how to put in her card.

Customer: “Now what?”

Me: “You put in your PIN.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “You can’t remember your PIN?”

Customer: “What is a PIN?”

Me: “Your number you enter into the ATM to get your cash out.”

Customer: “What’s my number?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but are you being serious?”

Customer: “Are you being serious?! I just want my smokes!”

Me: “What you need is an education on how bank accounts work.”

Customer: “If you’re going to insist on customers using cash, then you should be trained on how to do all this…” *Points at the ATM.* “…computer stuff for them! Figure it out!”

She storms out. I Googled it. The first ATM was introduced in the US in 1969, so she’s had almost sixty years to figure it out.

I’m browsing in a vape shop. The cashier is someone I know to be the most monotone and sarcastic individual I have ever met, who genuinely does not give an eff about customer service.

I overhear him talking to a customer:

Customer: “You sold me the wrong vape coil.”

Cashier: “No, you chose the wrong coil.”

Customer: “You told me this would work!”

Cashier: “No, I asked you what vape you used and reminded you that we don’t do refunds of any kind. You told me that the coil was correct and to just ring you out.”

Customer: “Well, that was stupid!”

Cashier: “We are in agreement.”

Customer: “Why did you let me buy the wrong thing!”

Cashier: “So that I would have to deal with you coming back here in a bad mood several hours later. Oh, happy day…”

I have a regular customer who comes in and tries to barter with me over vapes. This time, he came in and asked:

Customer: “Can I look at the grab boxes?”

We have $5/$10/$15 disposable vape grab boxes that we keep behind the counter. They are three separate boxes, separately labeled $5, $10, and $15. I bring them out for him to look through, and he starts talking about:

Customer: “Every vape has different effects, right?”

I just look at him and say:

Me: “I mean, different flavors, yeah, but it’s all nicotine, so…”

He looks at me like I have three heads.

Then he starts moving the vapes between grab boxes based on his opinion of how much they should actually cost. I put them back behind the counter and will now have to deal with rearranging them based on their correct prices.

Finally, I’m ringing him up, and he says:

Customer: “I use the store phone number for my rewards account.”

Okay, sure, whatever. I type in the store phone number, and sure enough, there’s an account attached to it. I tell him his total.

Customer: “What, no discount? Isn’t that what we just talked about?”

Me: “No. There’s no discount on the grab box vapes.”

Customer: “I’ll pay cash.”

And then for some reason, he starts trying to mess with the iPad that’s facing him and showing him his total (it’s not interactive, literally just a screen that shows the items and total).

Me: “It’s not touchscreen.”

Customer: “Yeah, it is!”

And still, nothing happens on the iPad screen; it still displays his total. He gives up.

Customer: “I’m going to get cash.”

Just before he left the store, he searched through the trash can for discarded vapes. He has not come back yet.

This happened a few days ago at the smoke shop where I work. For context, I’m an assistant manager there.

I’m in the back office prepping a return when my manager draws my attention to an obviously suspicious person in our store. She’s wearing a coat three sizes too big, bright red, and it’s not even cold outside.

I turn around and she’s crouched down behind the backroom swing door, looking at the vape clearance rack. She doesn’t realize I can see her through the gap, so I just watch her for a moment.

When she walks away from the rack, I head up to the counter. I then watch as she takes a value pack of vapes (leftover from Christmas) and walks to the other side of the store with it. That pack never comes back.

A few minutes later, she walks up to the register, presses herself against an end cap, and very loudly opens one of the vapes. The packaging has a crinkly plastic wrap around it, so it’s incredibly loud—and she’s less than a foot away from me, making direct eye contact as she does it.

She strolls around the store a bit more. While she’s walking, it’s obvious that all of the vapes are stuffed in her oversized coat pockets. I’m texting my manager, who’s still in the office watching on camera, about everything I’m seeing.

Finally, she comes to the register with a $2 CBD gummy. That’s when I call her out.

Me: “Hey, are you planning to buy the vapes in your pocket as well?”

She immediately acts innocent.

Customer: “What? Oh… these? I… um… bought them yesterday.”

At that moment, my manager comes out from the office and also notices the bulging pockets.

Manager: “Okay, great. We can check our inventory and transaction records to confirm that purchase.”

The customer starts getting defensive. Then she starts screaming as we point out, calmly, that all three of us (me, my manager, and another coworker) literally watched her do this in plain sight.

Finally, she turns on her heel and storms out. We call the police (we can’t physically restrain anyone) and take down the license plate number as she leaves.

Turns out, that was a bad move on her part. The police catch her not long after. Apparently, her friend had driven her to the shop and had no idea what she’d done until the police called him using the plate information.

We don’t know exactly what happened after that, but my manager requested to press charges, so we’re pretty sure she went to jail or is going to.